494 of 518 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
True "attachment" parenting, December 11, 2006
My wife and I tried for a while the ideas presented in the "no-cry sleep solution" without success. After months of lots of cry and no-sleep problems (both for our son and for ourselves), I decided to read Ferber's book. Because we were concerned about the "cry-it-out" method, I also did some research on what is known in the scientific literature. Here is a summary of my findings:
1- there are several published studies showing that cry-it-out (extinction) and graduated extinction methods are effective in solving sleep problems. Almost no controlled and detailed scientific studies support the "no-cry sleep solution" methods.
2- there is no hard evidence that letting your child cry-it-out causes long-term problems (unless you're ignoring real medical problems).
3- there is evidence that a child's sleep deprivation leads to impaired cognitive development.
4- cold-turkey cry-it-out (extinction) requires more maintenance than graduated extinction, the method proposed by Ferber.
5- Parents using graduated extinction to solve their child's sleep problems bond with their child more than parents whose child does not sleep through the night (true attachment parenting).
The above considerations led my wife and I to try Ferber, since it is in our son's best interest that he sleeps well. I should emphasize that Ferber does not support the "cold turkey" cry-it-out method, where you just let the child to cry to sleep. Instead, he supports the periodic check and reassurance of the child, to let him/her know that you're there for them (graduated extinction).
Ferber's book was very easy to read, even for a tired parent. I followed his recommendation, and read the whole book before attempting any treatment. This was very important to us, as we found out that our 9-month old son was eating too much at night, causing his sleep problems. After keeping a log of our sons sleep, we followed Ferber's treatment for night eating, and then we changed his sleep associations. Now, for the first time, our baby slept almost 10 hours in a row.
Here is how I would summarized the pros and cons of Ferber's book:
Pros: easy to read; works; not judgmental on parents expectations and capabilities; supported by scientific research; not a cold-turkey cry-it-out method.
Cons: Not for everybody (some parents are unable to let their child cry, even for a minute, without consoling them);
Bottom line: Solving your child's sleep problem is in your child's best interest. You need to make sure that your child does not have any medical problems (our son had reflux, and we had to solve it before we approached his sleeping problems). You also need to make sure you have the right diagnosis of the sleep problem before attempting a treatment, and this requires reading most of the book.
Update: Since we starting using Ferber's two months ago, our son sleeps for about 10 hours in a row, and he is clearly a happier child. When we put him to sleep, most of the time he doesn't cry at all, and when he does, he usually cries for less than a minute.
Update: I just stumbled upon a nice website that has interesting information about the science of sleep (among other things). If graduated extinction is not for you, they do have other suggestions that are gentler and that seem to work well. Here is the link:[...].
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222 of 237 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
I wanted to be a Sears mom, but Ferber is what worked for us, January 27, 2000
This review is from: Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Paperback)
I want to reassure parents who feel Ferber is cruel. Ferberizing was our last choice. We tried nursing/rocking to sleep and co-sleeping first. I knew Ferber would work because so many parents had said so; but at what cost?, was my strong feeling. We finally turned to Ferber after the other two methods failed us. With nursing to sleep, our 7-month-old baby would wake up and wail as soon as we place him in the crib; we would repeat this cycle for hours each night, which exhausted everyone and deprived him of time he should have spent sleeping. With co-sleeping, he didn't cry but slept on my schedule (ie, way shorter hours) and showed fatigue and stress because of that. That was actually the worst in terms of the baby being tired during the day. And I slept badly because I was so aware of him next to me (important, but my sleep is not the first priority, his is). With Ferber's method, he cried 35 minutes the first night, 5 minutes the second, 15 the third, and less than one minute last night. Each day I scrutinize him for any signs of trauma, alienation, any problem, and he is as happy and engaged as ever, and clearly not tired the way he used to be. It is unbelievably hard to not respond to your baby's cries, that's for sure. But you have to make up your own mind on how to handle this universal problem. Sears parents sometimes go a little nuts: I know babies who still nurse all night at age 2 years, who have never tasted solid food, their moms are zombies and dad sleeps on the couch. But I know they are doing what they feel is best for their families. The bottom line is every parent is trying to do what's best, we each make different choices, and we should respect each others choices. But one more benefit of Ferber--it is so fantastic to have some quality time alone with my husband again each night. You need to keep investing in your spouse too; not just in baby. Good luck to all!
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461 of 507 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Torn between Sears and Ferber, March 14, 2000
This review is from: Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Paperback)
Even if you disagree with this book's program, it's worth a read. There is a great deal of valuable information on how babies sleep, and the theory of sleep associations and how they relate to a baby's sleep patterns is convincing -- especially if you're a mother for whom this program worked.
On the other hand, this book desperately needs updating, especially as relates to breastfeeding. It's really meant for formula-fed infants who sleep in cribs in their own rooms. And the book rarely differentiates between 3-mo olds, 9-mo olds and 3-yr olds! Moreover, there is no information on how to maintain the good habits once you've "done" the program, which would have been useful.
There is at base an unbridgeable chasm between Ferber and William Sears, the renowned advocate of "attachment parenting." Sears claims that by not responding to a crying baby at night, you teach your baby that mommy is unresponsive. That the baby who doesn't cry at night has "given up." And that attachment can suffer as a result. (He even states that "Ferberized" children do continue to cry out frequently at night, but that their desensitized parents do not hear them.) Ferber claims that you can teach your baby that you are still "there," but that your brief visits are not worth all the crying. Ultimately the baby learns to go back to sleep readily on his or her own.
Until the book is updated, I recommend that parents familiarize themselves with both Ferber AND Sears, and then feel their way along. Many of my friends, like myself, practiced attachment parenting "by the book" for 6 months. Then, as the baby's increasing activity and alertness made this impossible, found varying degrees of success with "Ferberization." Flexibility and sensitivity to the baby are key.
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