I want to reassure parents who feel Ferber is cruel. Ferberizing was our last choice. We tried nursing/rocking to sleep and co-sleeping first. I knew Ferber would work because so many parents had said so; but at what cost?, was my strong feeling. We finally turned to Ferber after the other two methods failed us. With nursing to sleep, our 7-month-old baby would wake up and wail as soon as we place him in the crib; we would repeat this cycle for hours each night, which exhausted everyone and deprived him of time he should have spent sleeping. With co-sleeping, he didn't cry but slept on my schedule (ie, way shorter hours) and showed fatigue and stress because of that. That was actually the worst in terms of the baby being tired during the day. And I slept badly because I was so aware of him next to me (important, but my sleep is not the first priority, his is). With Ferber's method, he cried 35 minutes the first night, 5 minutes the second, 15 the third, and less than one minute last night. Each day I scrutinize him for any signs of trauma, alienation, any problem, and he is as happy and engaged as ever, and clearly not tired the way he used to be. It is unbelievably hard to not respond to your baby's cries, that's for sure. But you have to make up your own mind on how to handle this universal problem. Sears parents sometimes go a little nuts: I know babies who still nurse all night at age 2 years, who have never tasted solid food, their moms are zombies and dad sleeps on the couch. But I know they are doing what they feel is best for their families. The bottom line is every parent is trying to do what's best, we each make different choices, and we should respect each others choices. But one more benefit of Ferber--it is so fantastic to have some quality time alone with my husband again each night. You need to keep investing in your spouse too; not just in baby. Good luck to all!
