Customer Reviews

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

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3 star:		(21)
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My wife and I tried for a while the ideas presented in the "no-cry sleep solution" without success. After months of lots of cry and no-sleep problems (both for our son and for ourselves), I decided to read Ferber's book. Because we were concerned about the "cry-it-out" method, I also did some research on what is known in the scientific literature. Here is a summary of my findings:

1- there are several published studies showing that cry-it-out (extinction) and graduated extinction methods are effective in solving sleep problems. Almost no controlled and detailed scientific studies support the "no-cry sleep solution" methods.

2- there is no hard evidence that letting your child cry-it-out causes long-term problems (unless you're ignoring real medical problems).

3- there is evidence that a child's sleep deprivation leads to impaired cognitive development.

4- cold-turkey cry-it-out (extinction) requires more maintenance than graduated extinction, the method proposed by Ferber.

5- Parents using graduated extinction to solve their child's sleep problems bond with their child more than parents whose child does not sleep through the night (true attachment parenting).

The above considerations led my wife and I to try Ferber, since it is in our son's best interest that he sleeps well. I should emphasize that Ferber does not support the "cold turkey" cry-it-out method, where you just let the child to cry to sleep. Instead, he supports the periodic check and reassurance of the child, to let him/her know that you're there for them (graduated extinction).

Ferber's book was very easy to read, even for a tired parent. I followed his recommendation, and read the whole book before attempting any treatment. This was very important to us, as we found out that our 9-month old son was eating too much at night, causing his sleep problems. After keeping a log of our sons sleep, we followed Ferber's treatment for night eating, and then we changed his sleep associations. Now, for the first time, our baby slept almost 10 hours in a row.

Here is how I would summarized the pros and cons of Ferber's book:

Pros: easy to read; works; not judgmental on parents expectations and capabilities; supported by scientific research; not a cold-turkey cry-it-out method.

Cons: Not for everybody (some parents are unable to let their child cry, even for a minute, without consoling them);

Bottom line: Solving your child's sleep problem is in your child's best interest. You need to make sure that your child does not have any medical problems (our son had reflux, and we had to solve it before we approached his sleeping problems). You also need to make sure you have the right diagnosis of the sleep problem before attempting a treatment, and this requires reading most of the book.

Update: Since we starting using Ferber's two months ago, our son sleeps for about 10 hours in a row, and he is clearly a happier child. When we put him to sleep, most of the time he doesn't cry at all, and when he does, he usually cries for less than a minute.

Update: I just stumbled upon a nice website that has interesting information about the science of sleep (among other things). If graduated extinction is not for you, they do have other suggestions that are gentler and that seem to work well. Here is the link:[...].

I want to reassure parents who feel Ferber is cruel. Ferberizing was our last choice. We tried nursing/rocking to sleep and co-sleeping first. I knew Ferber would work because so many parents had said so; but at what cost?, was my strong feeling. We finally turned to Ferber after the other two methods failed us. With nursing to sleep, our 7-month-old baby would wake up and wail as soon as we place him in the crib; we would repeat this cycle for hours each night, which exhausted everyone and deprived him of time he should have spent sleeping. With co-sleeping, he didn't cry but slept on my schedule (ie, way shorter hours) and showed fatigue and stress because of that. That was actually the worst in terms of the baby being tired during the day. And I slept badly because I was so aware of him next to me (important, but my sleep is not the first priority, his is). With Ferber's method, he cried 35 minutes the first night, 5 minutes the second, 15 the third, and less than one minute last night. Each day I scrutinize him for any signs of trauma, alienation, any problem, and he is as happy and engaged as ever, and clearly not tired the way he used to be. It is unbelievably hard to not respond to your baby's cries, that's for sure. But you have to make up your own mind on how to handle this universal problem. Sears parents sometimes go a little nuts: I know babies who still nurse all night at age 2 years, who have never tasted solid food, their moms are zombies and dad sleeps on the couch. But I know they are doing what they feel is best for their families. The bottom line is every parent is trying to do what's best, we each make different choices, and we should respect each others choices. But one more benefit of Ferber--it is so fantastic to have some quality time alone with my husband again each night. You need to keep investing in your spouse too; not just in baby. Good luck to all!

Even if you disagree with this book's program, it's worth a read. There is a great deal of valuable information on how babies sleep, and the theory of sleep associations and how they relate to a baby's sleep patterns is convincing -- especially if you're a mother for whom this program worked.

On the other hand, this book desperately needs updating, especially as relates to breastfeeding. It's really meant for formula-fed infants who sleep in cribs in their own rooms. And the book rarely differentiates between 3-mo olds, 9-mo olds and 3-yr olds! Moreover, there is no information on how to maintain the good habits once you've "done" the program, which would have been useful.

There is at base an unbridgeable chasm between Ferber and William Sears, the renowned advocate of "attachment parenting." Sears claims that by not responding to a crying baby at night, you teach your baby that mommy is unresponsive. That the baby who doesn't cry at night has "given up." And that attachment can suffer as a result. (He even states that "Ferberized" children do continue to cry out frequently at night, but that their desensitized parents do not hear them.) Ferber claims that you can teach your baby that you are still "there," but that your brief visits are not worth all the crying. Ultimately the baby learns to go back to sleep readily on his or her own.

Until the book is updated, I recommend that parents familiarize themselves with both Ferber AND Sears, and then feel their way along. Many of my friends, like myself, practiced attachment parenting "by the book" for 6 months. Then, as the baby's increasing activity and alertness made this impossible, found varying degrees of success with "Ferberization." Flexibility and sensitivity to the baby are key.

As a parent and an educator I never dreamed I'd reach the point of "Ferberizing" my baby. After all, wasn't this the toxic method that forced you to let your baby cry all night alone in a cold, dark prison-like bed? As a new Mom I was committed to the theoretical viewpoints of Dr. Sears and his colleagues, and was determined to make the family bed work for us. After 10 months of perseverence with little to no sleep at night I knew I had to make a drastic change for my own sanity. That is when I bought the Ferber book in an attempt to find a solution to our nighttime woes. As it turned out, I read the book in one night and was completely wrong about the process Dr. Ferber advocates. His logical, developmentally sound and behavioristic approach helped me to understand the improper sleep associations I was developing in my young one. After one week we were well on the road to recovery. I can now be a better parent to my child during the day since I am getting adequate sleep at night. This book has changed our lives! To all those who cringe at my words, I should add that I am still a staunch advocate of the family bed...if it works for you. I would never change the bonding my baby and I experienced sleeping together the first few months. However, there comes a time when you need to assess the health and happiness of the family unit. If you have reached the end of your rope at night, this book is the right one for you.

I have read all the reviews published up to date and need to clarify several things from the previous comments of other readers. I love Dr. Sears and practiced attachement parenting for the first 6 months. Our son slept with us in our bed for 6 months. At the end of the 6 months we had to go to bed with him at 7pm since this he could not sleep in his crib. We had practiced attachment parenting (Sears) and this is what he had learned to expect. He could only sleep in bed with us next to him. Add to this that my baby could only sleep with us and ate 80% of his milk during night time. So not only were we in bed with him by 7pm, but also feeding him all night long. When the morning rolled in, my husband and I felt like zombies. We were exhausted and fighting with each other all the time due to the stress and exhaustion.

I was then recommended Ferber. I was terrified as I had heard horrible things and I do not believe in Crying it out. Howeverm I had already tried the No cry sleep solution and this did not work for us. So I gave Ferber the benefit of the doubt and decided to read his book. I focused on chptrs 5 and 6.

First, you do NOT need to let your baby cry it out. Ferber explains it very clearly in his book. He suggests a timetable, but leaves it up to the parents to change the suggested minutes on the table to meet the baby and parents' needs. For example, he suggest to let the baby cry for 5 min and increase gradually, but that the parent can change this to any minute they wish. I would only let my baby cry 1 min at a time and would them run into his room and confort him for 3 min. I am not sure how the previous readers would be considered detachment parenting!!!!

I did this for 2 nights. After two nights my baby was sleeping through the night.

In order to correct his night feeding, we gradually reduced his night intake. Ferber suggests doing this over a week. Since I did not want my baby crying, I implemented his program over a 4 week period. During these 28 days, my baby cried once!!! I know can sleept through the night and so can my family. We all wake up rested and ready for another day. My husband and I are no longer exhausted nor fighting due to exhaustion.

In conclusion, give this book an opportunity. Remember, you can tailor his program so it is as gentle as you wish. I believe that the people that are giving this book a bad review is because they chose to let their baby cry all night long, did not modify the program/timetable and truly this is unacceptable!

I am the mother of a 5 month old and was searching for information to help him to sleep through the night. This book was recommended by a number of moms so I bought it, even though the work involved letting my baby cry, which I really wasn't sure I could handle. After reading the applicable chapters, my husband and I implemented Dr. Ferber's ideas and my son went from sleeping 5 hours before waking in the night to 8 hours - in 2 days! We have had consistent progress in improving his sleeping and napping habits and he is resting better each night. Last night he slept 11 hours straight and woke happy and well rested.

The main thing this book taught me was the importance of being consistent - sending a consistent message to your child and doing so with love and caring. It also helped me to analyze my son's sleeping habits and look at what was behind his waking up to determine what should be done about it.

I would highly recommend this book to parents who are looking to establish good sleeping habits or correct problems that have arisen.

At 2 years old, my daughter wouldn't sleep on her own. We would have to lie down in bed with her until she was asleep, then get up and go to our own bed. She would then wake up in the night crying, and wouldn't go back to sleep until one of us laid down with her again. Most of the time, one of us just slept in her bed with her (a twin size-not very comfortable). We were miserable, and asked everyone we knew for advice. Everyone, including her pediatrician, told us to just let her cry it out, but we just couldn't do that. We tried, but it just seemed to cruel. Then her pediatrician recommended this book. I read the whole book the afternoon that I got it, and tried the method that fit her problem that night. I was able to get her to sleep on her own without crying, at first by sitting outside her room while she fell asleep, then gradually moving further away. Now she goes to sleep without any fuss, without me staying nearby, and sleeps through the night. And she actually asks to go to bed at night. She knows that if she needs me, I will come immediately. This book truly changed our lives, and for the better. Anyone who says this is a "cry it out" method is wrong. Every baby is different, and some will go through some crying, but the parent is constantly going in and reassuring the child, so that the child knows he/she has not been abandoned. Real "crying it out" is just leaving the child to cry and scream until they tire themselves out. This book is totally different, and offers parents alternatives. You can modify the methods to suit your individual child. Your child CAN sleep through the night, and so can you! I just wish I had had this book from the very beginning. I highly recommend it to all parents of young children or babies, whether they have a sleep problem or not, because it also teaches you how to develop good sleep patterns and habits.

I was very hesitant to read this book. I had heard of 'Ferberizing' your child and Detachment parenting, and when put this way, of course you wouldn't want to do such a thing to your precious baby. I consider myself to be a strong advocate of attachment parenting and had looked to Dr. Sear's books numerous times for advice about sleeping. My 4 month old spent his first 4 mounths sleeping in his co-sleeper in my room or in my bed with me and my husband. This arrangement was working well for us the first few months and I really enjoyed having him close by and being able to easily breastfeed him throughout the night. I kept expecting his intervals for sleeping to gradually lengthen, for him to wake less often and not need to feed 4-5 times throughout the night. My husband kept telling me that coworkers were telling him that we would have to let the baby cry it out and I felt very annoyed with their advice and assumptions. We (I) decided that we would keep things as they were until he was 4 months old hoping that things would work themselves out. During this time I also read Healthy Sleep Happy Baby and found the advice (especially about naps and tired cues) to be somewhat helpful though I thought the book was extremely poorly written.

When my son was 4 months old our situation had not improved. I was up with him constantly throughtout the night and had reached an entirely new level of exhaustion! A co-worker of mine, who is also a Therapist, loaned me this book and I decided to read it over. I was pleasantly surprised to find well organized information about sleep patterns as well as workable solutions for addressing my son's sleep. His theory explaining my son's crying; because he was used to my nursing and rocking him to sleep and back to sleep, was right on. (I don't think that I would do this differently next time as this was important for our bonding and his feeling safe and attached.) My son needed to learn to put himself back to sleep when he woke from light non-REM sleep during the middle of the night. I wrapped my brain around viewing his cries as protests of this change in the routine, rather then his feeling abandoned. I also did some soul searching that helped me to see that a good portion of what I was struggling with were my own needs and enjoyment of cuddling him to sleep. (I of course still spend plenty of cuddle time with him just not at 4:30 in the morning!) I found too that my own exhaustion was making doing things differently and getting even less sleep for a couple of nights seem like too much. (During the day) we carefully picked a day to begin and made a very conscious decision of what we were going to do and why. We followed the schedule of checking in on our son with some modifications of the timing that felt right to us, and have seen tremendous improvements over the week since we started.

In summary, if you are not having difficulties with your child sleeping then consider yourself lucky and keep doing what is working for you. If you are, you need not be a martyr for fear that letting your child do some crying means that you are practicing 'Detachment parenting' (which to me is just a put down meaning bad parent) Though I hate hearing my son cry, he is sleeping better already, is more rested and happier during the day, and greets me each morning with a big toothless grin. Our incredible bond has not been affected and I am beginning to feel like less of a zombie!
Good Luck

This is NOT the cry-it-out plan you have heard about!

I was originally very reluctant to even read this book due to comments I had heard about "Ferberization." Since we practice attachment parenting principles, what I thought was the Ferber approach, did not seem an option for us. However, after 16 months, my son was still nursing every 2 hours at night. I was physically exhausted and it was taking a toll on the whole family. I read both The Baby Sleep Books by Sears and The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley. Although they offered numerous tips on how to teach your child to form positive sleep attachments, I finished both books not really having any idea on how to SOLVE my son's sleep problem. In my sleep deprived state, I needed a no-fail, step by step PLAN! In this updated edition, Dr. Ferber sets out a clear and concise plan to solve your child's sleep problems, and it works!

The book starts with an extremely informative overview of children's sleep cycles and how they differ from adult cycles. On thing that Ferber really emphasizes, is that your child's awakenings are not the problem, as they are a natural part of every person's sleep cycle. The problem is, more often, that a child does not know how to go to sleep without a parent's intervention (rocking, nursing, patting etc), so when they naturally awake in the night, they need the intervention in order to fall back asleep. The solution: teach your child to fall asleep in the same conditions he will find himself in when he wakes up in the night (most commonly alone in his crib), so that he may easily fall back asleep. Ferber details a plan called progressive wait, where you put your child in his bed, sleepy but awake and leave him to fall asleep on his own. Obviously the child will protest, but you return at intervals of your own choosing to calm and comfort him, but again leave before he falls asleep. Eventually, you increase the times between your returns to comfort the child, until he falls asleep. Ferber suggests intervals of 5, 10, and 15 minutes; we started with 1,2, and 3 minutes because even 5 minutes of crying alone seemed too much.

Dr. Ferber also details a plan for night weaning which was very effective for us. He suggests lengthening the time between night nursing sessions by a 1/2 hour each night until the night feedings are eliminated. My husband tended to our son if he awoke before it was time to nurse and comforted him back to sleep. The first 2 nights were hard, but our son quickly learned that if Dad came in, it was not time for milk. The night weaning was complete in about a week and we then used the progressive wait technique to teach him to fall asleep in his crib by himself. So, in less than a month, our son went from always falling asleep by nursing in my arms and nursing at EVERY night awakening, to going to bed awake and falling asleep by himself in his own bed and staying asleep all night! I was truly amazed to see the improvement in my son's mood during the day! I knew the sleep deprivation was affecting my moods and ability to function, but it never occurred to me that HE would be happier after a night of uninterrupted sleep too! I wish that I had read this book months ago!

So, if you are pregnant or have a tiny infant who has not yet formed sleep rhythms and sleep attachments, then read The Baby Sleep Books by Sears and The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley. Those books will give you ideas on how to form positive sleep associations and avoid sleep problems. But if you are sleep deprived and need a solution, then read this book today! This is NOT the cry-it-out plan you have heard about! This is a plan with minimal crying, lots of comforting, and you and your baby will be sleeping better and be happier soon!

Note: I have noticed many of the critical reviews listed here are for the OLD version of this book and call for serious updating. This review is for the new 2006 edition. Check the dates of the reviews you read!

We used the Ferber method with all three of our children and it worked like a charm. I recently recommended the book to my sister and her husband who had been co-sleeping with their 10 month old and were exhausted. She had been attracted by the exalted claims of Dr. Sears and other attachment parenting proponents, but the reality was that neither she nor her husband was sleeping well with their baby in their bed and the lack of sleep was taking a toll on all three of them. She tried Ferber (with some trepidation) and, in a few days, her baby was sleeping through the night in her crib--and my sister and brother-in-law reported that they felt like they had a new life together. One of the earlier reviews reported that Dr. Ferber has recanted. That's an inaccurate statement. In the New Yorker article that was referred to, Dr. Ferber stated that he didn't have a problem with co-sleeping, if that's what the parents truly feel comfortable with. He certainly does not recant his advocacy of the Ferber method for those who do not want to co-sleep with their baby. Any implication that Dr. Ferber now believes that his method is harmful (as some of the sillier attachment parenting disciples claim) or that co-sleeping is more desirable is simply untrue.