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Somebody Is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding Hardcover – March 28, 2007

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Editorial Reviews

Review

". . . if you are a Southerner, you will laugh until the tears come." -- Washington Post

"Exposes the culinary and cultural last rites of the deep South . . . sidesplitting as it is politically incorrect . . ." -- Publishers Weekly [starred review]

About the Author

Gayden Metcalfe is a lifelong Southerner and founder of the Greenville Arts Council. She lives in Greenville, Mississippi, with her husband, Harley Metcalfe III.

Charlotte Hays is a Delta native and recovering gossip columnist living in Washington, D.C.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Hyperion; First Edition edition (March 28, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401302955
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401302955
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 7.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 2.8 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (49 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #167,078 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Scott Coffman on February 13, 2008
Format: Hardcover
The authors of Being Dead Is No Excuse are back for another rollicking good time recounting the foibles and frustration of the Delta. Like Being Dead, this friendly tome wields its wit like a Union saber, slicing through the niceties of southern living and getting to the heart of the matter. "A Southern mother might be tempted to marry off her daughter to Jack the Ripper (who reportedly was a member of the royal family--so there) if it meant she could get out all her tea napkins." As the last vestige of decorum, pageantry, beauty, gallantry and, yes, good taste, the perfect wedding can be a backyard event or a multi-tent pageant, but it should never be tacky.

The South has more aphorisms than mosquitoes, and they are peppered throughout the book like crawdads in a burgoo:

* "By the time a Delta girl is eight years old, she knows more about wedding etiquette than a Yankee bridal consultant."
* "A Southern bride will write a gushing thank-you note almost before you get home from mailing the gift."
* "Southern mothers have a dictum: Even if it kills you, be nice."
* "You will smell (a genuine Delta bride) before you actually see her--we are a people of the perfume bottle, and other bottles, too."
* "A wedding announcement that begins, `Mr. Billy Wayne Garrett, 5, is pleased to announce the impending nuptials of his parents, Nelda Jean Akers and Billy Wayne, Senior,' has already said too much."

From the rehearsal to the reception to the wedding, authors Metcalfe and Hays lay out a beautiful buffet of tales involving funny and dysfunctional people you probably already know. One snobbish mother describes her daughter's disappointing fiancé--an elevator operator--as a "vertical engineer.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Fontaine Ralston on April 3, 2009
Format: Hardcover
Thank the Good Lord these very funny ladies have put pen to paper. Not as outrageously funny as Being Dead Is No Excuse, this is still good stuff. But man doesn't live on humor alone; he must have recipes. These authors' books are loaded with fabulous food for real cooks. Buy this for the Hollandale (Hollandaise) Sauce recipe if you don't already have a perfect one.
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13 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Hugh D. Miller on April 12, 2007
Format: Hardcover
Once again, the comic combo of Mrs Harley Metcalfe III and Ms. Charlotte Hayes ( a recovering Washington Post society scribe ) have hung the dirty laundry of the Grand old South ( in the form of white wedding gowns this time ) for the close examiniation of Sountherners and not-so Southerners alike. They whipped up another batch of their highly successsful pate of insider knowledge, tongue FIRMLY in cheek irreverence, a useful and easy to conjur collection of wedding\celebratory nibbling treats while managing to keep their values true ( e.g. " Olive Oil is like whiskey..Buy the best you can afford.") and garnishing it all with an aspic made of "It actually happened" Deltan disaster/delights--depending on which side of the wedding party you were on. Though this book comes hot on the tail of "Being Dead is No Excuse", don't assume it is a carbon-copy knock off with the words changed to convert the funereal references to the nuptual ones. The humor is still deadly in this book, cept nobody has to die for you to get it off the bookshelf.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Eva Marie Everson on November 1, 2009
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I write Southern Fiction (see below). As a Southerner, Southern people, lifestyle, etc. is one thing I feel I know. As I was jotting down some notes on elements I want to include in my current WIP (Work in Progress), I remembered a book, which I read years and years ago, called Southern Ladies & Gentlemen. I came to Amazon to find it ... found it ... and then found this author's work as well. From the title alone, I knew I had to have it!

I enjoyed the read. The writing is great and the information is accurate. Goodness gracious but I could hear my mother in some of these chapters! At one point -- during a visit with Mother -- I laid on top of her bed (she was all propped up with pillows behind her and a good book of her own in her hands ) and read to her from the pages. We both laughed so hard we had tears pouring down our cheeks. That's a cliche, I know, but it's true!

Read it and have fun with it! It's just a hoot!

Eva Marie Everson
Things Left Unspoken: A Novel
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By D'Anne John on May 17, 2010
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I had previously read The Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral and it was so funny and chock full of great recipes that I continue to go back and use. Now that I am planning my last daughter's wedding I thought it would be fun to read this book. What I found though was not the same quality as the funeral book. The same theme kept coming up, the amount of alcohol served. There wasn't nearly as much humor and what there was did not seem to be funny. I enjoy a margarita right along with the next guy, but even with a margarita in hand this book fell short of my expectations.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Jody Payne on April 23, 2007
Format: Hardcover
I picked this book up at the library, and now I'm going to buy it. In fact, everyone in my family needs one, don't you think?

These authors have captured small-town south and I suspect the north too.

I recommend it whether you ever have to plan another wedding or just like a good chuckle while you try out the recipes.
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