Customer Reviews

Somebody Is Going to Die if Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch That Bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The authors of Being Dead Is No Excuse are back for another rollicking good time recounting the foibles and frustration of the Delta. Like Being Dead, this friendly tome wields its wit like a Union saber, slicing through the niceties of southern living and getting to the heart of the matter. "A Southern mother might be tempted to marry off her daughter to Jack the Ripper (who reportedly was a member of the royal family--so there) if it meant she could get out all her tea napkins." As the last vestige of decorum, pageantry, beauty, gallantry and, yes, good taste, the perfect wedding can be a backyard event or a multi-tent pageant, but it should never be tacky.

The South has more aphorisms than mosquitoes, and they are peppered throughout the book like crawdads in a burgoo:

* "By the time a Delta girl is eight years old, she knows more about wedding etiquette than a Yankee bridal consultant."
* "A Southern bride will write a gushing thank-you note almost before you get home from mailing the gift."
* "Southern mothers have a dictum: Even if it kills you, be nice."
* "You will smell (a genuine Delta bride) before you actually see her--we are a people of the perfume bottle, and other bottles, too."
* "A wedding announcement that begins, `Mr. Billy Wayne Garrett, 5, is pleased to announce the impending nuptials of his parents, Nelda Jean Akers and Billy Wayne, Senior,' has already said too much."

From the rehearsal to the reception to the wedding, authors Metcalfe and Hays lay out a beautiful buffet of tales involving funny and dysfunctional people you probably already know. One snobbish mother describes her daughter's disappointing fiancé--an elevator operator--as a "vertical engineer." Another plants trees and shrubbery when her daughter is born in anticipation of her daughter's nuptials and, twenty years later, has the magnolia flowers clipped on the wedding day when they are the exact shade of the gowns. The explanation of the term "shotgun wedding" includes one tale that involves an actual shotgun.

Each chapter is followed by several pages of recipes, and they all sound scrumptious (And, as with all really good things, they'll likely turn your blood into syrup). Somebody is Going to Die is warm and welcome like a fresh pecan pie. There is nothing to offend. Remember it when you are shopping for a nice remembrance or birthday gift; it will be enjoyed and shared for years to come.

You can count the days until the thank-you note arrives.

Thank the Good Lord these very funny ladies have put pen to paper. Not as outrageously funny as Being Dead Is No Excuse, this is still good stuff. But man doesn't live on humor alone; he must have recipes. These authors' books are loaded with fabulous food for real cooks. Buy this for the Hollandale (Hollandaise) Sauce recipe if you don't already have a perfect one.

Once again, the comic combo of Mrs Harley Metcalfe III and Ms. Charlotte Hayes ( a recovering Washington Post society scribe ) have hung the dirty laundry of the Grand old South ( in the form of white wedding gowns this time ) for the close examiniation of Sountherners and not-so Southerners alike. They whipped up another batch of their highly successsful pate of insider knowledge, tongue FIRMLY in cheek irreverence, a useful and easy to conjur collection of wedding\celebratory nibbling treats while managing to keep their values true ( e.g. " Olive Oil is like whiskey..Buy the best you can afford.") and garnishing it all with an aspic made of "It actually happened" Deltan disaster/delights--depending on which side of the wedding party you were on. Though this book comes hot on the tail of "Being Dead is No Excuse", don't assume it is a carbon-copy knock off with the words changed to convert the funereal references to the nuptual ones. The humor is still deadly in this book, cept nobody has to die for you to get it off the bookshelf.

I write Southern Fiction (see below). As a Southerner, Southern people, lifestyle, etc. is one thing I feel I know. As I was jotting down some notes on elements I want to include in my current WIP (Work in Progress), I remembered a book, which I read years and years ago, called Southern Ladies & Gentlemen. I came to Amazon to find it ... found it ... and then found this author's work as well. From the title alone, I knew I had to have it!

I enjoyed the read. The writing is great and the information is accurate. Goodness gracious but I could hear my mother in some of these chapters! At one point -- during a visit with Mother -- I laid on top of her bed (she was all propped up with pillows behind her and a good book of her own in her hands ) and read to her from the pages. We both laughed so hard we had tears pouring down our cheeks. That's a cliche, I know, but it's true!

Read it and have fun with it! It's just a hoot!

Eva Marie Everson
Things Left Unspoken: A Novel

If you ever want to know what it is like planning a southern wedding all you need to do is read this book. It is so true!

This book was just OK. I was really looking forward to reading it so maybe I expected too much. It was really slow in the middle - almost like the author was trying to stretch the material. On the other hand, some parts were really entertaining and all too true.

Insightful, devilishly funny. Anyone who has any contact with the Mississippi Delta will see long lost friends on every page.

I picked this book up at the library, and now I'm going to buy it. In fact, everyone in my family needs one, don't you think?

These authors have captured small-town south and I suspect the north too.

I recommend it whether you ever have to plan another wedding or just like a good chuckle while you try out the recipes.

My grandmother grew up in the MIssissippi delta, I grew up on the Gulf Coast, and planning my wedding this year has been made all the more fun by reading aloud excerpts from this book! It is absolutely hilarious and manages to give a truthful (however unbelievable at times) description of the southern wedding culture while being able to laugh at itself. This is probably not going to appeal to anyone who grew up outside of the South, but for those of us who did this is great fun.

This book had me saying, "I'm so glad we moved out of the South, I'm so glad." Not anywhere near as funny as the book on funerals, this perfect wedding book may have you raising an eyebrow as to what constitutes "polite" behavior in the Delta.

Just as Jersey Shore does a disservice to the residents of Jersey by portraying a small niche of jerks as the standard Jersey resident, so does this "perfect wedding" guide to the average Southerner.

If having catty women, with no discernible skills, (other than gossiping and opening cans of soup to pour over veggies) who berate you or complain about your wedding because your 5-year-old ring bearer is in a suit rather than a British "Eton" suit, constitutes a "perfect" wedding, COUNT ME OUT!

This isn't so much a guide for a perfect wedding but a guide to steer you clear of the Southerners who have nothing better to do than snub their noses at the type of finger sandwiches that are served at a wedding.