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Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship Paperback – June 29, 2011


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Editorial Reviews

Review

"More than many other disorders, BPD affects relationships. This book offers families and friends invaluable skills for helping both their loved one and themselves. Dr. Manning has done a beautiful job. A 'must read.'"--Perry D. Hoffman, PhD, President, National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder

"Try out the recommendations this book gives you. You will be surprised by how much better your relationships become."--from the Foreword by Marsha M. Linehan, PhD, Director, Behavioral Research and Training Clinics, University of Washington

"The title says it all! Dr. Manning explains what she has learned about the true nature of BPD from the experts themselves--those who have the disorder. She shows family and friends how our instinctive responses to the crises associated with BPD are frequently ineffective or even harmful, and illuminates what we can do differently, providing practical, incisive, step-by-step guidance. We highly recommend this book."--Jim and Diane Hall, parents of an adult child with BPD and Family Educators for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder



"An extremely useful and highly readable guide....Manning paints vivid portraits of how an encounter with someone with this affliction might go....It has offered me, as a therapist, plenty of ideas....[An] aid to understanding and humanizing a complex condition."--Human Givens
(Human Givens 2011-07-01)

"This hopeful yet realistic book is an indispensable tool for managing relationships with persons who have borderline personality disorder. Research based, clearly written, and practical, this guide to a complex disorder is highly recommended."--Library Journal
(Library Journal 2011-07-01)

“Manning's own background equips her well to provide this self-help resource. Manning trained in DBT under Marsha Linehan and has accumulated a wealth of experience working clinically with people with BPD. She makes frequent reference to DBT throughout the book, but her major achievement is to translate DBT principles and methods into practical steps and advice that are accessible to a lay person….The techniques of mindfulness, awareness of emotional triggers, validation and others can be usefully integrated into many areas of clinical practice, especially for clinicians advising supporters of people with BPD….A clearly written and accessible guide that deserves to be widely read, and which should be available to lay members of the public and to health professionals.”--Metapsychology Online Reviews
(Metapsychology Online Reviews 2013-10-22)

About the Author

Shari Y. Manning, PhD, is a clinician in private practice and the former President/CEO of Behavioral Tech and Behavioral Tech Research, the organizations founded by Marsha M. Linehan to provide training in DBT. Dr. Manning has focused on the treatment of people with BPD since 1993. She lives in Columbia, South Carolina.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 253 pages
  • Publisher: The Guilford Press; 1 edition (June 29, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1593856075
  • ISBN-13: 978-1593856076
  • Product Dimensions: 6.3 x 0.7 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (68 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #11,534 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

This book was well written ,easy comprehension and very informative!!!!
angie garrison
This book is the best I have seen when it comes to a helpful resource for family members about Borderline Personality Disorder.
namiak
This book has helped me have a much better understanding of my loved one, myself and the dynamic between us.
Yolanda C. Stith

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

54 of 55 people found the following review helpful By T. Brown on October 9, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you are a trained therapist, the basic tactic in this book may work easier for you. It takes a lot of practice and patience to use the tools and advice given. The gist I get from it is to take the emotion from your response to the BPD out of the equation and also offer your understanding in a confirming statement. They give a few examples of the types of thing's they mean, and what is and isn't a confirming statement. This does help keep interactions and communication's from escalating to high intensity, in many cases, but it is very hard to do when the boyfriend I love is either emotionally very high or very low and he is trying to get an emotional response from me. I have been able to use this advice over the last 3 months and it has helped. We've been able to have less heated fights and get to more understanding of each other, I feel. The more calm and stable I remain, the more he remains so too ... but I have to contain myself first and always. I have to rethink and reword most of the immediate thing's I'd like to say to him, which helps him from not going off the deep end, but I feel he does not get the seriousness of the situation at times. Also giving a confirming statement as to validating him, I feel as an addict that he is, makes it seem that I am condoning his actions or words, so he continues to do destructive behaviors. Maybe I'm not doing it quiet right or I'm expecting to much.
Over all the book is helpful, and there are no quick solutions ... it's all work, hard work when loving a BPD.
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21 of 23 people found the following review helpful By P. Giraffe on January 6, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
No one has ever made me feel like they understood borderline... And the way it is talked about in this book eases the knot in my stomach so well. Everything is worded perfectly and it seems like a real person writing it instead of a random doctor being all technical and impersonal. So basically... I love it!!! (This coming from a borderline themselves).
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27 of 31 people found the following review helpful By Patrick Mceldrew on October 10, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I find this the best of the modern books regarding BPD.

1. I find it very hopeful that there are psychologists who find the BPD a treatable condition rather then writting off those with this condition as lost causes.

2. This is a good book in the regard that it helps those coping with the effects of the BPD sufferer's behavior and does not try to make those who love a person with BPD an amateur psychologist.

3. Since many marriages containing someone with this disorder often end in divorce, if someone suspects that they or their spouse has this disorder seeing a psychologist early and reading this book may save a marriage.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Destiny on November 11, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Ok, so I have only read 1/3 of this book so far, and I will come back and write another review after finishing, but if you love someone who has BPD then you definitely need to read this. My husband has been incorrectly diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, adhd, severe depression, etc. However the 20+ pills he takes everyday have never seemed to help or they just comatose him. We have been together ten exhausting years, with many moments of extreme behavior and many moments of the wonderful person he can be. I have often thought that not only was he crazy, but also mean, manipulative, and a free loader b/c he has never been able to hold down a stable job. I've often accused him of wanting to be with me so I could take care of him financially. After reading the short amount of this book that I have, so many things make perfect sense. It has been very eye opening and is a must read for anyone who has a loved one with borderline personality disorder. At the very least it will help you to realize your loved one does love you but has not developed the necessary skills to be a functioning member of society (to various degrees). It will also allow you to change your reaction to their actions, which can help them change. This book is already such a blessing to me, and I am so thankful that Dr. Manning has taken the time to educate those of us who just happen to love someone with this disorder.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful By bg on January 17, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I have read many books on this subject, but this has been far the best in helping me both understand this disorder and deal positively with it. It really helps me be more compassionate and patient, and at the same time, helpful in my dealings with the person close to me that has this problem.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Criminologist99 on April 25, 2013
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A definite MUST HAVE for anyone with Borderline and their families/friends. This book is written by someone who really understands what it's like to be Borderline, the misery, the confusion, etc. and has deep insight (the best insight into a BPD's life by a non-BPD I have ever seen) into the emotional turmoil. She also has fantastic practical advise and strategies (including communication techniques which I believe are invaluable) for families/friends to use when dealing with a BPD. I bought this for (hopeful) future use for my family but also so I could see my illness from their perspective, and get ideas on implementation of strategies to better my life in an invalidating environment through that insight. I can't recommend this highly enough.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By ltaylor on February 26, 2014
Format: Paperback
I have also read "Stop Walking On Eggshells". I like the approach of this book much better. Eggshells seems confrontational, but the approach of this book is trying to foster an understanding and helping the person you love.
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