Songs from the Crystal Cave [Import]

Steven Seagal | Format: Audio CD

Product Details

• Audio CD (May 24, 2005)
• Number of Discs: 1
• Format: Import
• Label: Sony
• ASIN: B0009SQ520
• Also Available in: Audio CD  |  MP3 Download
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (79 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #382,773 in Music (See Top 100 in Music)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Conan Wants You to Buy This!, November 24, 2009

By 

Chaviva G. "The Kvetching Editor" (Teaneck, NJ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Songs from the Crystal Cave (Audio CD)

You must buy this. Why? Because Conan said to! Also, I think Steven Seagal has that new "Lawman" show which looks pretty gnarly.

258 of 316 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Giving hope to the morbidly obese, October 7, 2005

By 

basic "R4V4G3D_SKU11S" (Toronto, ON) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Songs from the Crystal Cave (Audio CD)

Dear Mr. Seagal,

Tuesday, February 12th, was a pretty average day for me. I woke up, brushed my teeth, had my morning glass of mayonnaise, put on my beret, tossed my scarf over my shoulder, heaved a heavy sigh and ventured out into the cold. The suspension on my electric scooter sagged deeply, not unlike my longing heart. While the vanity bumper sticker that Mother had bought me proclaimed "A smile a day keeps the doctor away", I was a very, very lonely 42 year old man. I was morbidly obese and quite frankly, I didn't have the most pleasant odour about me. I was lucky if even that kid with the club foot that everyone chased after school would wave to me when I passed.

Doing the rounds of my paper route, I rode by my local music store. I heard Something about Lollipops emanating from the speaker. I heard the low and shrill sound and it immediately began soothing my jangled nerves. Little did I know that this little piece of plastic, with the wondroous words and lyrics of Steven Seagal burned onto it for all of eternity with a laser, was soon to change my life.

I immediately got out of my scooter, ran into the store, took a few minutes to try to catch my breath. Finally I was able to gasp out to the clerk: "That Cd. That voice of the angels. I need to have it now". I bought several copies in case I became hungry on the way home. I rushed home, changed into my athletic gear and utility belt and immediately began doing pushups. It was like I was a man possesed. I didn't know it at the time, but this CD harnessed the work ethic, the martial arts prowess and, above all, the stunning handsomness and fashion sense of Steven Seagal into one small package. All that I had to do was press play and I was transformed into the essence of Casey Ryback, ex-navy seal, counter-terrorist expert and environmental mercenary.

To the sounds of Mr.Seagal I was able to shed my weight and began taking daily showers. I now entertain several women per week, sometimes even several per day. I am making over $5000 a week stuffing envelopes from home. My life has become full of many smiles a day, and I look forward to each day with more anticipation than the last. I owe it all to the inspiring and electrifying work being done each and every day by Steven Seagal.

Thank you, Steven Seagal.

Your friend in arms,

Kevin Keast, Toronto, Ontario

25 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!!, October 13, 2005

By 

Raja Antoine (Tucson, AZ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Songs from the Crystal Cave (Audio CD)

Like so many others, I didn't expect too much from this CD when I first prepared to listen to it. I figured that he would never be able to do justice to the divine talent and charismatic appeal he has illustrated on the silver screen. BOY, WAS I WRONG! As the final track on this album faded out, leaving me alone in a Seagal-less world, I realized that my entire worldview had been shifted, feeling as altered as I would have had I just been revived from a 12-year coma. I no longer relate to the world as I once did, my pre-Seagal-album self having been dismantled and exposed as a coagulated mass of incompetence and downright foolishness. Even my mother has noticed the difference, as I recently enlightened her with a 3-point finger chop to the chest and neck, grappling her into the full-nelson position in order to convince her that I was right all along about those blue Smurf shoes I owned when I was a kid which she swears I never actually did own... until of course I convinced her otherwise with my new Seagalic charm. I have even stopped chewing my nails, realizing that this lifelong habit of mine had been caused by the buried-down emotions resulting from an unconscious fantasy about the day Steven Seagal would privately serenade me in a Japanese garden and the resulting fear at recognizing this might never happen. As soon as that moment of anxiety now arrives, I simply hit the play button on one of my 7 portable CD-players carrying a bootlegged copy of Steven's mastery. Instantaneously, my hands shoot down into a tensed-muscle state, the fingers protruding out in all directions as though I am undergoing some strange form of stroke-induced rigor mortis. My eyes shoot up into my head, and I begin urinating deliriously as I become emotionally and intellectually captivated by the sound of Steven's voice, the artistic precision of his musical manipulation, and the extreme depth and intelligence behind his glorious lyrical exchanges.

To say that this album is the greatest ever would still do it no justice... so I won't. But I will say that I sincerely believe that the clearest path to creating a more peaceful world would be to pass a copy of this exceptional CD on to every single human being you have ever met and will ever meet in the future.