The Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda [Hardcover]

Amy Wallace (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 12, 2003

Amy Wallace's memoir of her complex relationship with Carlos Castaneda plunges readers deep into the reality of the Castaneda cult and the psychological terrors it perpetrated. With the skill of a master storyteller, Wallace recounts early meetings with Castaneda, shares previously unpublished material straight from the Nagual, and explores the aftermath of Castaneda's death and the long term effects of his legacy. Insightful and unwaveringly honest, Sorcerer's Apprentice is simultaneously a love story, a cautionary tale about the dangers of giving one's power to another, and a joyous account of healing and self-affirmation.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Amy Wallace expertly maps the territory where mysticism merges into insanity, or perhaps the unmarked land between screwball comedy and terrifying tragedy. I can’t recall a stranger, sadder narrative than this."
—Carolyn See, author of Making a Literary Life

“Truth hurts … and so does Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Amy Wallace’s harrowing account of her years as Carlos Castaneda’s lover and disciple is a cautionary tale for our times, the story of a woman whose search for meaning took her to the brink, and damned near cost her everything. In this painfully honest memoir, she takes us deep inside the Castaneda cult and shows us the mind games, ego trips, and petty cruelties that wore the guise of wisdom. ‘Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!’ the Wizard once tried to tell Dorothy. Amy Wallace has ripped the curtain down, and laid the wizard bare for all to see.”
—George R.R. Martin, author of A Game of Thrones

“Sorcerer’s Apprentice is a haunting and brutally honest memoir that reads like a tender love story and, at the same time, a taut psychological thriller. Amy Wallace writes with wisdom, grace, courage, and candor about one of the most charismatic figures of all our times, and she allows us to witness both the splendor and the danger of entrusting one’s fate to a powerful man or woman.”
—Jonathan Kirsch, author of The Harlot by the Side of the Road and The Woman Who Laughed at God

"I simply could not put this book down. Amy Wallace’s relationship with Carlos Castaneda was transformative, exciting, abusive, and painful. This is a cautionary tale, containing essential insights for all of us. Thank you, Amy, for having the courage to tell your story so that others may learn from it, and from the redemptive powers of your own healing."
—Susan Piver, author of The Hard Questions

From the Inside Flap

"Amy Wallace takes you behind the scenes into the bizarre personal and sexual life of one of the most influential yet elusive figures of the 60s and beyond—Carlos Castaneda. This book is her journey with the man and his inner circle from her unique vantage point as one of his lovers and wives. Her idealism and disillusionment mirror that of an era which left many, like Amy, searching for hope and unwilling to descend into cynicism and bitterness. Amy’s struggle to rebuild a new foundation, though a story of seduction and betrayal on many levels, is also about the author’s reaching for transformation and personal meaning. This book will greatly interest anyone who was ever affected by ‘the teachings of don Juan.’ "
—Joel Kramer & Diana Alstad, co-authors of The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power

"Carlos Castaneda told astonishing truths, with an empowering Gnostic brilliance. He also told astonishing lies, spinning out like wild silk from a crazy spider’s ass. Sorcerer’s Apprentice tells the horrifying, heartbreaking tale of the lives entangled in his web. And it hurts like a son of a bitch. With far greater personal honesty than Castaneda ever managed, Amy Wallace drags us—first happily, then screamingly—deep into the Cult of Carlos: boldly capturing both the staggering beauty and the utter steaming nonsense of his world. It’s an ass-kicking, soul-grinding book, beautifully written and breathtakingly acute. I suggest that you read it, and test your faith."
—John Skipp, novelist, filmmaker

"Amy Wallace has gone through the looking glass of Castaneda’s magic and come back out the other side with her wits, and wit, intact. What’s more, she has remembered it all with a novelist’s eye and ear, so the result is a harrowing and vivid look at life inside a charismatic circle—the petty tyrannies, the abusive cruelties, the sometimes unintended silliness. If this remarkable book is evidence, what enabled her to survive Castaneda and his cult is a lucid, generous, often funny intelligence that spares no one, least of all herself."
—Joe Kanon, author of Los Alamos

"Amy Wallace expertly maps the territory where mysticism merges into insanity, or perhaps the unmarked land between screwball comedy and terrifying tragedy. I can’t recall a stranger, sadder narrative than this."
—Carolyn See, author of Making a Literary Life

"Amy Wallace’s compelling memoir reveals what some of us suspected all along: Don Juan’s teachings are a yucky way of knowledge."
—Jon Winokur, author of The Portable Curmudgeon

"Carlos Castaneda was one of the shapers of human consciousness during the period between the Beatles and the end of the twentieth century. After his death he remains a major spiritual and intellectual force. Yet he cast a schizophrenic shadow over our civilization. On the one hand, he taught us that we are here for a brief time in a beautiful, wondrous manifestation, and we must throw off the shackles of materialism, academic reductionism, and commercial distraction to realize our destiny, to experience the vast, untapped potential of our body-minds; on the other hand, he made the task so daunting and ultimately (if one reads him literally) terrifying and hopeless that he paralyzed many of his devotees and readers into inaction, submission, addictions, and denial. Amy Wallace has finally come along to liberate us from the spell. She says, ‘I will show you Carlos as he was. Follow the authentic spirit guide in him, but reject the manipulations of a tragically flawed and jealous guru. You are free to meet the Eagle on your own terms.’ "
—Richard Grossinger, author of Planet Medicine

"I read Sorcerer’s Apprentice with absolute fascination. Like millions of others, I had always wondered what was behind the Castaneda myth. My own life once gave me the choice of going down the guru path, a choice I rejected because, to me, it’s morally wrong for one person to claim closer knowledge of deity than any other. It’s always a lie, and the fearsome consequences of that lie in the life of the unfortunate creature who takes the guru path, as well as his followers, is exposed here with breathtaking candor. Sorcerer’s Apprentice is an extremely powerful book and fair warning both to those who would presume to claim special favor in the spirit, as well as those drawn by their own needs to such people. Amy Wallace warns us with her honesty and her careful attention to crucial emotional details, that guru-worship is a disease. For those who have wondered whether or not Castaneda’s various guides were real in some objective sense, reading this book will clear up the mysteries that need solving. But it is also a compassionate book, deeply so, because compassion inevitably flows from honesty of this high an order. It is a triumph of Amy Wallace’s heart to have written this, and I thank her for the wisdom and enrichment of spirit that reading it has given me."
—Whitley Strieber, author of Communion

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 421 pages
• Publisher: Frog Books; 1st edition (August 12, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1583940766
• ISBN-13: 978-1583940761
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.4 x 1.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.9 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (86 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #241,019 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

76 of 80 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Strange, Unorthodox and Compelling, March 13, 2006

By 

C. Middleton (Australia) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda (Hardcover)

This is a strange personal account of an enduring relationship between one of the world's most mysterious and famous shamans in the last two centuries, and a young and sensitive woman, the daughter of a popular author, Irving Wallace, and her attempt to honestly relate the insanity, trauma and psychological abuse that those who've had the misfortune of belonging to a genuine cult, will understand all too well.

The texts of Carlos Castaneda have influenced and continue to affect millions of reader's across the world. Regardless if these books are pure fabrication or the literal truth is somewhat irrelevant: the philosophy of the Way of the Warrior, opening awareness to things and events in the world, that we normally do not see, the notion that there is a path to "true" knowledge, and a prescribed method to "total freedom", is an alluring proposal.

Most of us living our mundane day-to-day lives, getting up every day to just make a living, the idea that there is "magic" in the world, and that it can be tapped and used for self betterment is compelling, and touched the 60's generation at exactly the right time. As most readers of Castaneda well know, his philosophy is anti-authority, breaking from the chains of our incessant social conditioning, (smashing the ego to bits) and becoming the beings we were meant to be - warriors of impeccability. Nonetheless, the proof is in our actions, our fruits, which begs the question, has anyone, including Castaneda, achieved the warrior's goal, and leaped into the abyss of infinity with her/his eyes wide open? After reading Amy Wallace's book, a nagging doubt remains.

It is without question that Castaneda was a highly charismatic and enormously persuasive individual. Those who actually met the man, celebrities, politicians and writers all agree on this point. Amy Wallace, though, fell in love with the man, in the romantic sense, became his constant companion, and contributed to the creation of his organization. She became a member of his inner circle of witches, kicked out and let back in again far too many times. She had to experience untold psychological abuse, and the appalling insanities of Castaneda's endless sexual exploits with a platoon of women that would make the most highly promiscuous wince in disbelief. The politics and backstabbing between his inner circle of witches reminded me of the petty games of adolescent girls, with their jealousies and drama, all vying for the father's attention. As the central method to impeccability of a sorcerer is the abolishment of the ego, ridding the personality of "self importance", these so-called witches failed on every count.

Amy Wallace managed to survive her experience in this cult, though had to undergo most of the psychological pain of separating from it, and the death of her lover: post-traumatic syndrome, grief, longing and thoughts of suicide, finally in the end, it seems, achieving her psychological separation, as she proposes, through the writing of this book. Amy is a good writer, as one can feel her pain as she examines the lies, betrayal, and endless abuse from Castaneda and his closest cohorts. Because the most dramatic and real love affairs in one's life remain with you, Wallace continues to respect and feel affection for the man despite their long and tumultuous past.

Personally, this story does not dissuade me from Castaneda's teachings. His books are highly influential and changed my views of the world in positive ways, too numerous to mention. A recommended read for those needing to know some of the workings of the inside of his strange and unorthodox world.

97 of 108 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars About the Singer, not the Song, November 16, 2003

By 

MAURICIO AGUIAR (Rio de Janeiro, RJ, Brazil) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda (Hardcover)

Amy Wallace's book is about Carlos Castaneda, the man, and those around him - the "inner circle". Having been close to them, she does a superb job of describing the way Carlos and the group lived, and apparently they behaved just like any other cult. She has written an invaluable book for any Castaneda fan. Not for the narrow-minded, though.

I believe Don Juan's teachings as described by Castaneda are great, no matter where they came from. That doesn't mean Castaneda could not be just another human being like any of us. In fact that is how he is pictured in most of his books: Don Juan keeps saying Carlos is stupid and slow to learn. Amy Wallace shows us Carlos, the man - full of human feelings and emotions, not necessarily positive.

This is a book about the singer, not the song. If Castaneda's work means anything to you, you may be curious about the way Carlos actually lived, how he died, and what happened to those who remained. If you are, then this book is definitely for you. Amy Wallace is a known writer and I hope you will find her work as exciting (and surprising) as I did.

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About the reviewer - I started reading Castaneda's books in the 80's and read each of them at least 3 times, including Florinda's and Taisha's. Like many others, I tried to follow Don Juan's teachings for some years - can't say that I succeeded. I never met Castaneda, any of his inner circle followers or, for that matter, Amy Wallace. I am not associated with Amy, her editor, publisher, etc. I wrote this review after seeing many anonymous reviews here that are absolutely unfair to Amy's work. To one who is familiar with Castaneda's teachings and has read Amy's book, those reviews look like a specific task that was given to Castaneda's remaining closest followers, with the intent of keeping hidden the "secrets" Amy brings to light.

35 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Finn's Awake, February 19, 2006

By 

Stephan (Dusty Cactus, AZ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda (Hardcover)

Amy Wallace is out of the box and is telling us a frightening account of her life as an apprentice in the very private world of Castaneda. Years ago, Carlos Castaneda's books set my world on fire and set me on a path of self discovery, a path that fortunately got grounded by other works and life in general (apparently a far better way to approach the Sorcerer's world according to the author,.., made me feel better anyway). "Sorcerer's Apprentice" gives you a solid taste of the reality of what it means to seek freedom through the eyes of another. I could not put the book down. It is a must read for those who dare use their critical mind. The book ends with a very thoughtful epilogue evaluating Castaneda's impact.