Customer Reviews

The Soul Beneath the Skin: The Unseen Hearts and Habits of Gay Men

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1 star:		(1)

 

 

This is the kind of assumption-shattering book that we need in these times of passively-accepted hype and media-fed half truths. The author takes a clear-eyed look at the statistics that have been floated before us in dozens of newspaper and magazine articles, in television programs, and other popular venues. Nimmons rightly protests that the statistics have for the most part been interpeted with a preconceived conclusion by popular writers. He also digs up other statistics that have definitely not been presented, because they do not jibe with the prevailing attitudes about his subject-- the subculture of gay men. He offers his own take on what these statistics and patterns mean, refusing to accept the pronouncements of other people without being convinced by the data.

He presents information about several aspects of the behavior of gay men as a group. The police logs tell us that violence in gay bars, Pride parades, and other gatherings of celebrating and often intoxicated gays is far lower than in heterosexual gatherings such as pubs, sporting events, and parades. The incidence of gay domestic violence, distorted in the popular media, is in fact equivalent to the incidence amongst the straight community. In fact, conflation of lesbian and gay domestic violence rates may make gay men seem more prone to domestic violence than they actually are.

Nimmons examines the rates of volunteerism amongst gay and straight men and find both monetary and time donations to be significantly higher in the former group. He hypothesizes that an ethos of caring informs not only the frequency with which gay men volunteer for both gay-related and gay-unrelated causes, but also informs the higher representation of gay men in service-connected careers like healthcare, social service, etc.

The author considers what it might mean that gay men handle relationships of all kinds differently than heterosexual men. He cites mostly anecdotal information in this topic, hypothesizing that the gay modes of managing interpersonal relations-- male-male friendships, male-female friendships, and romantic relationships-- may be of benefit to our society as it evolves. He wonders how the "traditional" family concept can be held as a yardstick when only 25% of families contain a mother, a father, and children.

He also presents a refutation that behavior-modification efforts targeting safer sex have been failing with gay men. Nimmons looks at the rates of safe sex amongst various groups, and finds that gay men have changed their actions most, with an approximate 2/3 rule: 66% or so of gay men have substantially altered their sexual practices toward the safer, while heterosexuals have done so at a small fraction of this rate.

Shorter thought pieces are included: the place of ecstatic or spiritual practices in gay men's modes of celebrating; the sensitivity to beauty and art that gay men demonstrate; the effects of negative social influences that erode what gay men do best and how they feel about themselves.

Nimmons' new ideas about gay theory are intriguing and important. When he uses concrete data, he makes strong cases. At times he ignores possible confounding factors (for example, perhaps gay men don't utilize police services as frequently as other groups because of a reluctance to face societal derision or authority indifference). At other times he relies as much on hypothesis as on hard data. Nevertheless, his assertions are at least as valid as what passes for the hard journalism most of us must rely on.

Perhaps the biggest complaint with the book is in the writing. Nimmons starts off with a blithe attitude, attempting to use humor that, unfortunately, distracts from the important message he is making. He returns to the humor periodically and it continues to be jarring. Also, he is repetitious in foreshadowing his points, in making deductive conclusions, in summing up his hypotheses. A more heavily edited book would have been more cogent, making its points succinctly and with greater impact. The Soul Beneath The Skin is, however, a conceptual accomplishment for this iconoclast-- recommended highly for humanists, feminists, religious leaders, and anyone concerned with the state of our society. It stands alongside The Myth Of Male Power as a fresh way of looking at the world in which we live.

This is a much needed and long awaited POSITIVE study of the contemporary gay male. This book should have been written years ago as it puts into proper perspective the many important contributions gay males have made to our society and how these contributions have been ignored, dismissed or overlooked. It exposes the myths and lies about gay male lives, and opens up to all who read this book the true accomplishments gay men have made in this world. It's an optimistic presentation and a valuable text for gay studies courses, or for anyone interested in the lives of gay men. It's intelligently written, yet an easily understandable book for anyone to read, learn from, and enjoy.

This book explains how gay men have developed a culture where violence is almost nonexistent; where new forms of friendship, intimacy, and relationships have been developed with less sexual jealousy; where gay men and straight women have forged lasting relationships; and where volunteerism for both straight and gay causes is much higher than other segments of the population.

THE SOUL BENEATH THE SKIN was a positive joy to read. It offers hope for those who are disappointed, and disillusioned with "the gay community" as it now stands. This book is surely "the light at the end of the tunnel". Hopefully, it will be read by all, gay and straight, so that a more appreciative understanding can be forged between all of us. All of the thanks goes to David Nimmons for taking the time and effort to do such an in-depth study of gay men's lives and the positive contributions they have made to society. A NEW BEGINNING!

Joe Hanssen

Rarely has a book written by a gay man for gay men reached such depth and inspired to such new heights in an easy to read and accessible story-line.

Can gay men become the healers of the world, showing straight men that violence and insane war-mongering are no longer necessary? Has the gift of the gay spirit evolved to such a point that we can be shamans of the world, teaching community living and loving? David Nimmons' book reveals the gay soul in a way never captured before.

You'll want to read this book if you want to understand how the "curse of homosexuality" has become "a gift to the world." Never before have the voices of so many millions of gay men been able to influence the future of society as it can now. Nimmons shows us, in many different areas, where overcoming the gay challenges makes our personal experiences an asset for the modern world.

A delightful book, written in the gay voice. Inspiring. A must read for gay leaders and the community minded.

David Nimmons' extraordinary new book about gay men and gay culture is refreshing, honest and meaningful in a way that most books about us are not. It is meaningful because it is about us, our lives as gay men. He has observed and researched the very things that make gay culture, gay culture. In the process he de-bunks some myths and creates new understandings about gay culture. It is significant that the focus of this book is about our lives, our love individually and communally and our ability to shape our and the world's future.
His understandings of the traits, habits and mores of gay men are newly stated realities of sometimes hidden understandings of who we are. What is most wonderful for me, someone who has written about, studied and worked in gay male cultures for the past 30 years is the central question that is presented in the book. While he talks of our commitment to non violence, our ability to deal with the HIV epidemic ( and safer sex) better than any people on the globe and our unsurpassed capability of for using love and compassion in our daily lives, he constantly asks, "Why is it that we don't know these good things about ourselves." This is the challenge and the opportunity that is presented in this book. He tells us about us and suggests ways that we can create the world we want as gay men. It is a first!
This is the best book about Gay Culture and Gay Men in almost fifteen years. It doesn't focus on the political but the personal which is where I believe we need to be. It is the successor to the work of Mark Thompson, et. al in Gay Spirit and Gay Soul, the real grandson of the writings of Harry Hay and the only book since Judy Grahn's Another Mother Tongue to talk about who we really are.
What a wonderful addition to the literature. It is must reading for all gay men and for all those who love them. It should be required for anyone wishing to do AIDS education and prevention work with gay men. And of course non gay people should definitely read this book
Absolutely fabulous darling!

I thought this book had good information. It was well researched and it's heart was in the right place. I met this author at a workshop and his heart was as big as his goals to bring gay men together heart to heart. Sadly, this is not an easy task. As gay men with so many wonderful attributes as Mr. Nimmons points out, we don't accomplish enough connection with one another. I hope the author writes more and does not give up in his attempts to bring us together as gay men!

Joe Kort

I was looking forward to reading this book hoping that it would be discussing how gay men experience spiritual things. Instead, I got yet another book that reinforces the stereotype of gay men as promiscuous, hedonistic and adolescent. The author tries to justify the so-called gay lifestyle by claiming that promiscuousness is a form of spiritual fellowship and that hedonism is the search for enlightenment. He also tries to convince the reader that gay men are superior to straight men, even though he states several times that this is not what he is doing, his tone makes it obvious. Gay men are more charitable (Chapter #3), peaceful (Chapter #2) and fun to be around (Chapter #6) than heterosexual men are. He writes a whole chapter to explain why straight women prefer our company to that of straight men (Chapter #7). Chapter #8 explains the tribal bonding of the circuit, the dance, the drugs and, of course, the sex.

This brings me to the main thing that I did not like about this book. It's supposed to be about gay men's souls and there is no mention of religion or G-d. This may be his soul, but it is not mine. There is nothing wrong, per se, with being promiscuous, hedonistic or adolescent, but please do not try to give it spiritual significance or portray it as something that defines our soul. At this point, the book left me depressed and sorry that I had even started reading it.

However, in Chapter #9, Mr. Nimmons does hit the nail right on the head. I have never read a more accurate portrayal of the gay world that I have experienced. Gay men, especially in the milieu of a gay bar, can be catty, rejecting, and superficial. In Chapter #10, Mr. Nimmons makes a plug for his organization that seeks to offer an alternative to Chapter #8 and #9. I wish him the best of luck in his endeavor. He is a visionary, but I fear, his vision will fall on eyes distracted by the next cute guy. It has been my experience that gay men are the way they are because that is how they want to be. But what we do not want to be is another stereotype. Just like everything else, our lifestyle has its good points and its bad points. It does not need an apology, an excuse, a justification, a change, or an elevation to a "higher" level. It is what it is; but take heed, it is not our soul.

the premise of this book suggested that there might be some interesting ideas in there. what a disappointment-there are none. the book is basically a brochure for the authors movement(?)of manifestlove (as he calls it). it all reads a bit new-age, and very american...with little idea or appreciation of a whole other gay world out there beyond the u.s.a. what makes the book ultimately pointless is that nimmons has no new ideas - he spends the best part of the book outlining what is wrong (or underappreciated) with gay men and their lives (all seen through rose-tinted glasses...especially the chapter on gay men-straight women friends...yuck!!!!!!), and then trots out some of his manifestlove ideas at the end. and consumers...since you are now hooked, you are supposed to sign up for one of his courses/camps or whatever. it is a very cynical approach to write a book to promote your own industry...and as such should be avoided! spend your money elsewhere! or better...just go for a walk on a beach at sunset and enjoy the view and the sounds of the waves...it will do you a lot more good...and make you feel way better than this book!!!

Cutsey and annoying writing wrapped around appealing, but ultimately empty ideas. Nimmons made comparisons when it supported his opinion, but when it wouldn't, he didn't. The world probably doesn't need another brutal critique of gay men: most of what Larry Kramer said long ago still holds. But this attempt to prove him wrong (without deigning to plainly state that intent) completely backfires.

Cutsey and annoying writing wrapped around appealing, but ultimately empty ideas. Nimmons made comparisons when it supported his opinion, but when it wouldn't, he didn't. The world probably doesn't need another brutal critique of gay men: most of what Larry Kramer said long ago still holds. But this attempt to prove him wrong (without deigning to plainly state that intent) completely backfires.

In my experience (and I wish it were not so!), gays tend to share some unpleasant character traits, such as effeminacy or lack of masculinity, cliquishness, and lewdness. The book's chief merit is that it doesn't deny their existence, but its chief defect is that it attempts, largely unsuccessfully, to try to interpret these characteristics in a more favorable light. I agree that some of these favorable interpretations are reasonable: for example, I agree that the greater amoralism of gays opens up certain aesthetic or artistic possibilities, at least given a certain understanding of art. But from the point of view that is most interesting to me, as someone trying to assess the romantic possibilities, I disagree that something very good can be built on such things.