Customer Reviews

Special Siblings: Growing Up With Someone with a Disability

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

First of all, I really wish that people who have not grown up with a disabled sibling would not write negative reviews of this book because they just don't know what it is like. My sister had polio and her illness and subsequent operations took all of my families' resources both financial and emotional. I grew up thinking that I was unimportant and that maybe if I was sick too, I would get attention. My earliest thoughts were those of wishing that I would just die so I didn't have to feel so bad/guilty all the time. Kids that grow up with disabled siblings often feel that they did something wrong to cause the disability. My middle sister and I both felt that way, yet we weren't even born when it happened.

Ms. McHugh has written an incredibly honest book that will be greatly appreciated by anyone else in this situation. We live in a world of silence and isolation, how can you ever complain when you can walk, talk, hear, etc. You would be considered extremely selfish. The life of a sibling of a disabled person is very distorted.

Thank you, Ms. McHugh for your courage.

I bought this book because I have a child with a disability, and I wanted to do what I can to be helpful to my three other children. It was a wonderful read! It reassured me, which is something all mothers need a lot of. It also reminded me that vigilance about sibling excesses is in order. After reading it, I reminded my children that they don't have to grow up to be superstars in some kind of effort to compensate for what my one child lacks.
I enjoyed the author's willingness to be so honest about her feelings, yet even when revealing negative feelings, she asserted a positive spin by contrasting her feelings with more positive feelings of others. It's clear that much of her difficulty had to do with being raised in a different time -- when there was little help, and when disability was considered shameful and secret. My favorite section of this book is the discussion of the common phenomenon of siblings entering the helping professions as adults. She has a fresh and interesting take on this topic.

I never knew that other siblings felt this way! After years of dealing with guilt, jealously, and overprotectiveness, I finally realized that I was not alone. Best of all, knowing that other sibs experience the same things, I don't feel the need to justify these feelings anymore. This book is a great starting point for sibs who want to/need to understand how having a "special sibling" has affected their life. FYI: Your special sibling doesn't necessarily have to have a obvious physical special need. I belive that sibs of those who suffer from mental illnesses will also find this book comforting and familiar.

I wish my ex-husband would read this book! I would like to think that siblings of families today have a better time of it--but everything Mary said fit in exactly with my ex-husband's family. And the issues begun in childhood carried into adulthood and affected all his relationships! Mary writes very honestly about the ambivalence (which may be too mild a word) of living with a sibling with a disability. The guilt, the anger, the loss of attention....it was all there for him, just as it happened to Mary.

=Special Siblings= is a small masterpiece focusing on both the world of the developmentally disabled and the often-forgotten world of their ``normal'' siblings. McHugh's unflinchingly honest, warm, empathetic look at the mixed emotions and unique responsibilities ``normal'' siblings face should be a standard reference book not only for those working with the developmentally disabled, but everyone out there who knows someone with a special sibling...and everyone out there who doesn't.

This is the first time, I have read a book, that I related to. I always felt so alone in my experiences as a child, and it is actually a surprise, that others have felt the way I felt. A relief too - that others have had similar experiences. I am a sibling of a disabled sister. This book is a must read if you are a sibling of a disabled sibling or a parent.

McHugh's book puts a new perspective out there for siblings of the disabled to come to grips with many of the endemic problems that this population of people (myself being one of them) deals with. Great for adults in understanding where they are coming from and really great for kids in understanding why they feel differently about siblings than their friends might. While there are other books out there, this one puts a bit of a "feel-good spin" on having siblings with disabilities, particularly in the last chapter. Sometimes you need to wallow in the frustration for a while and understand the negative consequences and their impact before you can see the positives, which is the only reason that this book gets four of five stars - aside from that, this is an excellent, helpful book that does a fantastic job of explaining the dilemma of having a sibling with a disability.

There is a great need for enlightened books on the topic of growing up with a sibling with a disability. Unfortunately, this book does not answer that need.

Ms. McHugh feels the common denominator between her and the other siblings who lament their sibling is the issue of disability. In fact, the common demoninator is self-pity. Most of us in this world have issues with their childhood, whether they be a sibling with a handicap, an abusive parent, a dead beat dad, or an overachieving brother. We all carry many scars. It is not the challenges that we face, but what we make of those challenges.

Having a loved one with a disability does not change our essential truth. Yes, it may be difficult at times, but life is, difficult that is. The challenge of facing a disability on a daily basis only makes you more of what you already are. Sometimes that's good, in this case it's very sad.

Ms. McHugh may be the sibling of a man with a disability. But she is the one truly handicapped. Handicapped by her inability to stop using the disability as a crutch. The disability nor your brother are the source of your pain, anger and suffering. It is the inability to deal with it in a productive manner.

The next book I'd like to read from Ms. McHugh would be about people with disabilities and how they tolerate the whiny, self-important, shallow ramblings of their very confused siblings.