The Spider and the Fly [Paperback]

Ruth Raffaeli (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 11, 1997

A potential abuser of women can be spotted in even the earliest stages of a relationship. The problem is, not enough women are educated about domestic abuse and many fail to notice the signs and symptoms of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Being able to recognize these telltale signs, and knowing what she can do to protect herself, can save a woman's self-esteem, mental health, and even her life.

After its self-tests, case studies, and sample dialogue help women identify if their relationships are abusive in any way, The Spider and the Fly then outlines with caring and true understanding the choices women have. Among other topics covered are:
How to spot early warning signs of potential future
What to expect from shelters, hotlines, the police, and counselors
The role of alcohol and addiction
Where to get help
How to prevent falling back into abuse once it has been escaped

Written in non-threatening and non-judgmental language, The Spider and the Fly teaches potential victims how to get out before it's too late, and those already battered how to leave while maintaining their safety, the well-being of their children, and their legal rights.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

A potential abuser of women can be spotted in even the earliest stages of a relationship. The problem is, not enough women are educated about domestic abuse and many fail to notice the signs and symptoms of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Being able to recognize these telltale signs, and knowing what she can do to protect herself, can save a woman's self-esteem, mental health, and even her life.

After its self-tests, case studies, and sample dialogue help women identify if their relationships are abusive in any way, The Spider and the Fly then outlines with caring and true understanding the choices women have. Among other topics covered are:

How to spot early warning signs of potential future
What to expect from shelters, hotlines, the police, and counselors
The role of alcohol and addiction
Where to get help
How to prevent falling back into abuse once it has been escaped

Written in non-threatening and non-judgmental language, The Spider and the Fly teaches potential victims how to get out before it's too late, and those already battered how to leave while maintaining their safety, the well-being of their children, and their legal rights.

From the Inside Flap

A potential abuser of women can be spotted in even the earliest stages of a relationship. The problem is, not enough women are educated about domestic abuse and many fail to notice the signs and symptoms of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Being able to recognize these telltale signs, and knowing what she can do to protect herself, can save a woman's self-esteem, mental health, and even her life.

After its self-tests, case studies, and sample dialogue help women identify if their relationships are abusive in any way, The Spider and the Fly then outlines with caring and true understanding the choices women have. Among other topics covered are:
How to spot early warning signs of potential future
What to expect from shelters, hotlines, the police, and counselors
The role of alcohol and addiction
Where to get help
How to prevent falling back into abuse once it has been escaped

Written in non-threatening and non-judgmental language, The Spider and the Fly teaches potential victims how to get out before it's too late, and those already battered how to leave while maintaining their safety, the well-being of their children, and their legal rights.

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Dell (August 11, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440507332
• ISBN-13: 978-0440507338
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.2 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #962,517 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Domestic violence understood....., May 16, 2007

By 

CureGirl (Cleveland, OH) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Spider and the Fly (Paperback)

Simply a "must have" for anyone caught in domestic violence, physical, verbal, or both, on ANY level. I had no idea that I was held up in something addictive, but this book explains how and why this horrible pattern continues. You can't help but get some direction from it when you read it. It saved my life, and I have since purchased it for 2 friends and gave them a copy to keep. Worth every penny!

5.0 out of 5 stars Not sure if it's abuse? Worried about a friend? Why does she stay?, September 15, 2009

By 

C. A. Kyrias (Wheeling, IL United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Spider and the Fly (Paperback)

This well-written, easy-to-read book explains the signs and symptoms of an abusive relationship in understandable language. The author expands the definition to include physical, emotional, sexual and mental abuse. Basically, anything where one partner is controlling another against that person's own best interests and well-being. Just because your partner's not hitting you doesn't mean they're not abusive. The author also explicates the subtle mechanisms of abuse including how it begins, grows, and the ultimate outcome. In doing so, the question, "Why does she stay?" gets answered. Although using an addiction model, the author adapts it appropriately so as not to blame the victim. The primary messages are: "It's not your fault." and "You CAN get out." If you suspect that a friend is in an abusive relationship or even if you "have a funny feeling" about it, then this book is your key to understanding what's going on and how to help (or get help). Recommended for any concerned friend. Ought to be required reading for all social workers and law enforcement officers, i.e., anyone who comes into contact with people who are caught in the spider's web of abuse.