Customer Reviews

The Spider and the Fly

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Simply a "must have" for anyone caught in domestic violence, physical, verbal, or both, on ANY level. I had no idea that I was held up in something addictive, but this book explains how and why this horrible pattern continues. You can't help but get some direction from it when you read it. It saved my life, and I have since purchased it for 2 friends and gave them a copy to keep. Worth every penny!

This well-written, easy-to-read book explains the signs and symptoms of an abusive relationship in understandable language. The author expands the definition to include physical, emotional, sexual and mental abuse. Basically, anything where one partner is controlling another against that person's own best interests and well-being. Just because your partner's not hitting you doesn't mean they're not abusive. The author also explicates the subtle mechanisms of abuse including how it begins, grows, and the ultimate outcome. In doing so, the question, "Why does she stay?" gets answered. Although using an addiction model, the author adapts it appropriately so as not to blame the victim. The primary messages are: "It's not your fault." and "You CAN get out." If you suspect that a friend is in an abusive relationship or even if you "have a funny feeling" about it, then this book is your key to understanding what's going on and how to help (or get help). Recommended for any concerned friend. Ought to be required reading for all social workers and law enforcement officers, i.e., anyone who comes into contact with people who are caught in the spider's web of abuse.