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191 of 196 people found the following review helpful
on July 17, 2011
Format: Paperback
Does your partner have periods of uncontrollable rage? Bizarre behaviors? A truly astonishing ability to twist words and reinterpret reality around you? Wild mood swings? Hair trigger temper? Have you been desperate enough that you spend your free time surreptitiously Google-ing psychological disorders to try to "poor mans diagnose" what you're dealing with?

Clearly you have. If you're reading this, you're probably doing research Right Now in the vain hope of getting an answer to the one question you've been asking yourself night and day for as long as you can remember: What Do I Do?

If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life.

On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and beg a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address. I'm not kidding. Read the title again.
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72 of 76 people found the following review helpful
on September 11, 2011
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
After having gone through the first years of post separation & divorce, I can definitely agree that PROTECTING YOURSELF is top priority when separating, especially if you have children. Educate yourself while quietly documenting the spouse's behaviors, quietly and confidentially seek the advice of a few family law attorneys who have experience with high conflict cases, carefully consider your options and prepare accordingly.

Decades ago the hot-button threats by disordered spouses were claiming you were a closet homosexual or having an affair. These days such allegations are ho-hum and ignored in most courts. What has replaced them? Claims of DV (against the spouse) and child neglect, abuse or molestation. Why? To unfairly gain advantage or keep the upper hand in the court's custody and parenting decisions. Those are extreme hot-button issues and agencies are just waiting for a call to jump into action, this is the one time where the allegation is presumed valid at first and the presumption of innocence is set aside at first. An innocent spouse or parent (you) can be arrested and charged with some very serious offenses.

If your spouse has threatened to make false allegations in the past, then that means it has been contemplated and therefore you are at heightened risk. DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE NOT AT RISK! William Eddy presents information that will help you to avoid many common presumptions, mistakes and pitfalls us Nice Guys and Nice Gals are likely to make when we first encounter the judicial (not justice) system. Sorry, but normal common sense does not apply in court and the truth does not always prevail. Courts, including family/domestic court, make decisions based on written laws, case law which has modified the application of written laws, and the latitude allowed for the case-by-case discretion by judges. That is why this book is so helpful, in addition to your family law attorney's legal advice.

To echo the excellent advice in another comment: If that sounds like you, get this book, it will save your life. On second thought, clear your browser cache, erase cookies and search history, and BEG a friend to buy this book for you so it does not get shipped to your home address or appear on your credit card or bank statements. I'm not kidding. Read the title again. PROTECT YOURSELF.
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71 of 78 people found the following review helpful
on July 24, 2011
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
After ordering Splitting from Amazon I was thrilled to receive this sooner than I thought. I have read it with great interest. This book gives you great insight into all aspects of breaking free from a person with a personality disorder. It actually gave me the strength inside on just how to tackle things in an efficient and practical way. It takes away the emotions. Gives you a clear understanding of what you are dealing with and because of this book, I have conversed brilliantly with my Lawyer. Worked with him and found my straightforward approach with facts, have strengthened my relationship with him. Due to this, we have worked together trustingly to bring closure before court. Hopefully this will be happening within a few days. Brilliant book. Would recommend it to anyone in a difficult breakup with Narcissistic and Borderline personalities. After reading it I also recognised that my ex had both. Well done for writing this book. Wished there was more awareness of this problem.
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35 of 37 people found the following review helpful
on January 2, 2013
Format: Paperback
Poor sucker:

I read this book too late to fully be effective. The best advice that you can take is; show absolutely NO mercy to these soul-sucking people. Sure, it is a behavioral disorder, but there is no excuse and a great deal of choice-making that goes into the decisions that are made during the divorce process. They will never own their own faults - ever.

Borderlines will immediately begin with a character assassination and side-setting of as many people as possible, and will split up all players in the game into black and white pieces. You are black, WILL have the second move and will remain behind as long as your bank account holds out because nothing is more important to the BPD than the process of proving to the world that you are wrong, bad and probably belong in prison away from all of the white players, including only those of your children that believe the stories. It might include a custody battle with accusations of child abuse, when in fact the real abuse are the lies and deceit that are wielded upon your impressionable and confused children. The narcissists are the worst because there is absolutely no self reflection in the process. If a borderline is not narcissist, then there is a possibility to change the game during one of the many "woe is me" moments.

Absolutely DO NOT GIVE UP and do not do anything stupid. Truth does not matter in court; it is only about going through the motions. Tell your attorney to go for the jugular and spare no expense on getting your kids. However, do not fight dirty directly. Do not talk bad about your BPD ex to your kids or ANY of your common friends. Only talk about truth, including his/her mental disorder. Kids have automatic BS detectors. If you tell the truth, you will win. Period.

Now, read this book. Own it. If you are smart enough to use this knowledge to your advantage, you will win. After 5 years of pure hell from BPD people in my life, I have finally recovered but it took everything including relationships, money, nearly all property and two jobs. BPD splitting is war and reading this book is the first step in a good battle plan.

Stan
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39 of 46 people found the following review helpful
on March 15, 2012
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
This book actually gets it. Learning about BPD & NPD combo is tough enough. But you need to understand how it makes your divorce a thousand times crazier - with little you can do about it. But you need to know & need to do what you can to prepare & limit the damage that will be caused. My divorce was final when I read this guide - yet the restraining orders & lunacy continue. It was as if the authors were flies on the wall - since normal people with normal lives really can't comprehend what goes on. Stop Walking on Eggshells brought great knowledge & understanding. Splitting is the real life version of what divorcing a BPD/NPD is truly about. You start out in a hole & get buried from there - unless you understand how best to navigate. Even then things go haywire every time you are in court. But being prepared for craziness gets far better results than being blindsided. There is nothing funny about this book. If you are reading this opinion, you probably need to read the book cover to cover for your own safety & benefit. Good luck - you need it. I still need it. Sad but very true.
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45 of 54 people found the following review helpful
on July 15, 2011
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
"Splitting" is the professional term used to describe what happens when a person with a diagnosible personality disorder suddenly, and almost always for reasons beyond their own control or understanding, redefines their lover, partner, spouse, or friend from being "savior / saint" to "demon / monster".

This "split" can occur in a matter of a few minutes, and within hours or days the memories of years of positive, loving, supportive relationship can be involuntarilly rewritten by the person engaged in the "splitting" process, to be something totally different. Loving times are rewritten to have been false memories of times of anger, argument, and hostility. Special moments are forgotten... edited out... completely.

The person who suffers from the personality disorder often knows something terribly wrong is happening, but is not sure what, so the process continues to negatively cycle downward. I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

At the end of the "splitting" process, the person suffering from these personality disorders has completely rewritten years of relationship, with very little the affected companion can do. Since the affected companion still often loves the person who has been "splitting", the mis-steps, hurt, anger, sadness, and confusion.

This book is very helpful in that it tells the reader how to protect him/herself when this happens to your partner. While there maybe nothing you can do to stop or reverse the "splitting" process that your affected partner is going through, you can take care of, and protect, yourself.
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26 of 30 people found the following review helpful
on September 6, 2011
Format: Paperback
This book can be a vital resource even after you've been divorced from a borderline or narcissist.

I recently read it when my husband was going through an extremely stressful period with his ex-wife, a woman whom we have suspected has been mentally ill for quite some time - and with whom he shares custody of a small child. Sad as this situation is, she is a terror when she turns to her lawyer and the family court system to solve her "problems" for her, problems which usually involve pegging her ex-husband as villain in the dramas she creates (she is very likely suffering from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder as well as diagnosed severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder).

With each successive section in Eddy's book, we would think, he's reading our minds, he knows exactly what we're going through! It's as if he wrote this book with the ex-wife in the forefront of his mind, his analysis of borderline behaviors is so spot on. In my husband's case, the divorce was a few years back, but because of the custody issue he has to deal with her for the foreseeable future. And we found the book so helpful in strategizing about how to deal with her disturbed legal shenanigans, which have had the potential to cause him serious financial and emotional damage. As Eddy explains, the divorce itself may be only the beginning of your woes. He strikes a fine balance - he avoids demonizing the borderline and narcissist, but lets the reader know very clearly the dangers he/she may face in allowing these people to run the show when it comes to issues of divorce and custody. Most importantly, he offers very specific ways to fight back.

I highly recommend it.
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34 of 41 people found the following review helpful
on August 10, 2011
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
This book is a must have for everyone who is thinking about a divorce, going through one, ore just separated from a High Conflict Personality spouse. I struggled for the longest time trying understand the reasons from my wife's behavior. As I am going through a divorce now, it is amazing to me to see how 99% of the behaviors that the book tells you to expect from this high conflict person came to fruition. Although, the pain of all the lies, and the things my ex has done to me still there, I feel so much better now that I know this is what they do, I sleep better at night knowing that the worl she lives in is not a real one, that long term things will get better (I hope), and that i need to be prepared to what comes next.
My wife's behavior is so bad that therapist say "well she is angry, what have you done to her for her to be so mad at you". This drive me crazy because people sees her behavior as something that is a result in part of what I have done, but not about who she is. So If she says these outrageous lies, others, judges, lawyers, etc will tend to think (in my opinion) that well at least some of it must be true.
So Once I understood that their behavor follows a certain path, I tried to ignore the he says/she says for now and concentrate what I can prove.
I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but there is a level of acceptance in me now that tells me what to expect. It hasn't been easy, but with this book I help I am in a much better place. Thanks so much to the authors, and this book definetely a must for those going through a high conflict divorce.
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22 of 26 people found the following review helpful
on June 27, 2012
Format: Paperback
My abusive ex-husband may as well have his picture next to the definition of a narcissist. I left him when our daughter was very young and he has been manufacturing drama, running to court and lying shamelessly in his filings ever since (why family courts do not address perjury is beyond me).

I showed a section of the book to my lawyer, and it's been very helpful. Regular human rules and interaction do not work with narcissists, and their ability to manipulate, lie, twist things and create false impressions is staggering. I wish family courts would be aware of the problem and look below the surface in the high conflict cases. Sadly, when the courts go through motions, it's the children and the psychologically and emotionally healthy parents who are left without much needed protection. BUT, I read (different book) that you can't out-bully a bully, but you can out-think one. Well, you can out-think a narcissist, and "Splitting" helps by focusing on the strategies. Do not engage, do not react, and document everything. Easier said than done - trust me, I know.

I applaud the authors for shedding light on the subject, and wish the book were required reading for family judges, GALs and lawyers.
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20 of 25 people found the following review helpful
on July 26, 2011
Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
I believe Splitting says that approx. 10% of the U.S. population suffers from either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. Logically, that means roughly 10% of divorces involve one or both of these PDs. In other words, millions of Americans have been affected, one way or another, by a high-conflict divorce involving a personality disorder. WOW. A lot of people could benefit from this book. Especially if you grew up amidst such a nightmare, this book brings a cold, rational analysis of the situation that can help defang the experience. I'm about halfway through the book right now and already it's a 5-star experience, I can't recommend it highly enough.,
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