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Spooky Little Girl: A Novel [Paperback]

Laurie Notaro
4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (65 customer reviews)

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Book Description

April 13, 2010
Death is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.
 
Coming home from a Hawaiian vacation with her best girlfriends, Lucy Fisher is stunned to find everything she owns tossed out on her front lawn, the locks changed, and her fiancé’s phone disconnected—plus she’s just lost her job. With her world spinning wildly out of her control, Lucy decides to make a new start and moves upstate to live with her sister and nephew.

But then things take an even more dramatic turn: A fatal encounter with public transportation lands Lucy not in the hereafter but in the nearly hereafter. She’s back in school, learning the parameters of spooking and how to become a successful spirit in order to complete a ghostly assignment. If Lucy succeeds, she’s guaranteed a spot in the next level of the afterlife—but until then, she’s stuck as a ghost in the last place she would ever want to be.

Trying to avoid being trapped on earth for all eternity, Lucy crosses the line between life and death and back again when she returns home. Navigating the perilous channels of the paranormal, she’s determined to find out why her life crumbled and why, despite her ghastly death, no one seems to have noticed she’s gone. But urgency on the spectral plane—in the departed person of her feisty grandmother, who is risking both their eternal lives—requires attention, and Lucy realizes that you get only one chance to be spectacular in death.

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Spooky Little Girl: A Novel + It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy + The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Laurie Notaro was born in Brooklyn, New York, and raised in Phoenix, Arizona. She packed her bags for Eugene, Oregon, once she realized that since she was past thirty, her mother could no longer report her as a teenage runaway. She is the author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club, Autobiography of a Fat Bride, I Love Everybody, We Thought You’d Be Prettier, and An Idiot Girl’s Christmas. She is currently at work on a plan B (to take effect when her book contract runs out,) which consists of options with minimum dander of office politics, including selling hot dogs at Costco, selling hot dogs from a street cart, selling hot dogs at high school football games, or being the Stop sign holder for road construction crews. She avoids raccoons both day and night and fully expects to be run out of her new hometown once this book is published. At press time, she is still married, her cat is still alive, and she has an adorably disobedient dog named Maeby, who wears sweaters and loves chicken strips. (Clearly, Notaro has no children.)

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter One


You Win


The very moment when the cab pulled up to the curb, Lucy Fisher knew that she was seeing something exceptional.

Directly in front of her fifties-ranch-style red-brick house, a woman dressed in flowing white was wrestling with nothing short of a cloud in Lucy's yard. For a ridiculous moment, Lucy's mind determined that it was a dilapidated angel desperately trying to climb back aboard her ride, almost like a surfer that had toppled off a board.

But a second later, Lucy realized it was simply a homeless lady, complete with stolen grocery cart, trying to shove a shimmering white mass into a huge dirty plastic bag, like processed meat into a sausage casing. Lucy sat there, nearly smiling at the curiosity that she was witnessing as the cloud flapped against the woman's head, briefly slapping her face as if she was about to be bound with the wrappings of a shiny Gabor sister mummy.

It took less than a fraction of the next second for Lucy to suddenly--and clearly--realize that the white mass was no cloud at all.

"HEY!" she shouted, furiously popping the door open and flying out of the backseat as if a superpower had been activated. "HEY! What are you doing! Put that back! That's my dress! That is MY wedding dress!"

"That'll be twenty-two seventy, lady!" the driver called after Lucy as she bounded across the street toward her house and the homeless woman.

But Lucy failed to hear him. When she came within an arm's length of the woman, she grabbed two handfuls of satin and lace and tugged the dress out of the woman's grasp as hard as she could.

"Give me that!" Lucy snarled, tugging, pulling. "What are you doing with my dress? Give me my dress!"

"This is my dress now!" the woman, who was twice Lucy's size, hissed back, and she jerked the dress back with all of her might. "You can't change your mind! You can't leave all of this out for the taking and then just change your mind when someone else decides they want it!"

"Twenty-three fifty," the cabdriver called again, this time louder.

"Give me my damn dress," Lucy shouted as she tugged harder. "I just had my last fitting for it. Give it to me!"

"It's mine!" the woman yelled back. "I found it just laying here. Finders keepers!"

"It is accruing twenty-nine percent interest on my Visa, and that makes it mine!" Lucy gathered all of her strength, gritted her teeth, locked eyes with her opponent, and then pulled as hard as she could, producing a shriek from the woman that was loud, high-pitched, and shrill, like she was coming apart.

How did she do that? Lucy thought. How did she do that without opening her mouth?

And then Lucy understood. The satin and lace, once taut between the women, was now slack, although neither had let go. Lucy looked down at the tear, which had screamed as it was being ripped, now frayed, open, and destroyed. The two women looked at the mess in their hands, neither one saying a word.

"Okay, then," the homeless woman finally said as she dropped her end onto the ground. "You win."

"Twenty-five even, and the meter is still running," the cabdriver called impatiently.

Lucy looked up from the white mess in her hands, through the collection of light brown curls that had fallen into her face, and finally saw what the cabdriver saw. What the homeless woman saw. What every car passing on the street in front of her house had seen.

Her life. Spread out all over the lawn, littered in the gutter, spilling out of the bed of her truck that was parked in the driveway. Her brand-new thirty-six-inch television sitting in her front yard like a postmodern flamingo; her laptop bag, with the corner of her computer peeking out of it, flung onto the ground like a stepping stone. Her grandmother's antique rocking chair tipped up against the mailbox as if someone had recently been dumped out of it. Her clothes, her photo albums, her everything, was spread out over the front lawn, on exhibition, for anyone to come and poke at, pick through, gawk at.

A comforter. A lamp. A saucepan.

"If it works, I'll take that TV," the cabdriver said, chuckling. "Or even if it don't work, I'll still take it. Meter's still running, lady."

Lucy turned around and marched back toward the cab. "Pop the trunk," she demanded of the driver. She reached into the backseat, grabbed her purse, and then yanked her suitcase from the trunk.

"Here," Lucy said as she tossed a twenty and a five at the driver, and looked at him with sharpened eyes. "Go rent to own your own flat screen."

And then, because she wasn't sure what else she should do, she rolled her suitcase to the sidewalk in front of her house, with her tattered wedding dress shoved underneath her arm, stood there for a moment, and wondered what the hell was going on.

An hour and forty-five minutes earlier, Lucy's plane had touched down on the runway in Phoenix after returning from what was supposed to have been a fantastic weeklong vacation in Hawaii. She had left Martin, her fiance, and her job as a dental hygienist to travel to the tropical paradise with her best friend and co-worker, Jilly, and their friend, the office receptionist, Marianne. Instead, the trip defied their expectations as soon as they arrived. Their luxurious boutique accommodations were nothing more than a roadside motel with a museum-quality collection of insects; the discount-brand sunscreen Lucy had purchased was cheap for a reason; and it was suspected that either the pig or some shellfish the girls gobbled at the luau could have rightly benefited from a little more time in the cooker. Lucy spent the majority of her seven days in Hawaii fighting off ants and mosquitoes in a shabby motel; watching her skin burn, bubble, and peel like a paper label off a jar; and trying to master a lopsided, dirty toilet with missing floor bolts.

None of that, however, could hold a candle to the trip's high point, which began when she was simply having some drinks in the motel bar with Marianne, who was on a mad prowl for a vacation fling. The receptionist was less than versed at the art of flirting and might have been more successful in making a match had she invested in a hairbrush and attended to the area of her upper lip, which didn't look so much like a lip as it did a pelt. While that sort of fur growth is great on a kitten, Lucy thought, it just didn't reap the same snuggle rewards on a woman who often had Cheetos dust clinging to hers. Lucy never had too many problems attracting men; she only had trouble attracting men who weren't already married, weren't unemployed at the moment, or weren't just going into or just coming out of rehab. Her warm, strong eyes were clearly her best feature and made her look openly approachable, followed by a definitive straight nose and genetically predisposed perfectly aligned teeth. She looked friendly and fun, and was just unpolished enough to look like she knew how to relax and have a good time.

And that's just what Lucy was trying to do, that last night at the hotel bar. She just wanted to relax and have fun, but as the night mercilessly dragged on, she began feeling tired and weary.

After too many rounds of drinks, Marianne finally zeroed in on a target and tried desperately to capture the attention of a man sitting on the opposite side of the motel bar, despite the fact that he was wearing a T-shirt that stated DEFINE GIRLFRIEND.

Lucy breathed a sigh of relief when the guy finally sent Marianne a drink and then asked if they wanted to join a poker game upstairs. Lucy reluctantly agreed after much persistence and arm-tugging from Marianne, under the condition that Lucy was going to stay for five minutes only. She had had her fair share of slushy umbrella drinks and wanted nothing more than to go to bed like Jilly had hours earlier, but she also knew she couldn't let Marianne go alone. The moment they stepped foot into his room, it was Marianne who shot back down the hall toward the elevator without any warning, shrieking that she'd left her key card at the bar and that she'd be right back.

Suddenly, a beer was in Lucy's hand, and she sipped it. Not only was it warm and bitter, but it tasted downright odd. Skanky guy, skunky beer. She sat in a side chair, waiting for Marianne's return, and when the guy leaned back on the bed and smiled at her, Lucy's stomach flipped. She stood up to say she was going to wait for her friend in the hall, and the nausea of the undercooked shellfish hit her again. Luckily she was able to make it several steps and shut the bathroom door behind her before getting sick. After splashing cold water on her face, Lucy finally stumbled out of the bathroom ten minutes later to find that Marianne had still not returned, the television was off, and the guy was smiling at her.

"You know, if you brush your teeth," he said as he sat up, "we could still have a good time."

Lucy wanted to vomit all over again. Her pulse pounded in her temples. She looked at him, picked up her purse that was sitting at the foot of the bed, and then opened the door to find Marianne coming down the hallway with her key card in her hand.

"Hey," Lucy said to the guy before she shut the door, "Define 'asshole.'"

By the time the plane touched ground in Phoenix, Lucy didn't want anything more than to simply go home. She couldn't wait to fall onto her own creaky couch, pet her dog, Tulip, and crack open whatever cold drink she could find in the fridge. She was excited to see Martin, and hoped that they could spend that night watching old movies on TV, their favorite way to spend any night.

Waiting for the trio of girls to emerge from behind the security gate was Warren, Jilly's broad, tall, bearded, and jolly husband, who had agreed to give Marianne a lift home, too. Lucy looked around for Martin but didn't see him anywhere.

"I'm sure he's just running behind," Lucy said, and smiled, although she couldn't help feeling a bit disappointed that he wasn't there to meet her. He'd probably had a late truck come in at Safe...

Product Details

  • Paperback: 293 pages
  • Publisher: Villard; Original edition (April 13, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0345510976
  • ISBN-13: 978-0345510976
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.6 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (65 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #192,578 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Laurie Notaro was born in Brooklyn, New York, then spent the remainder of her formative years in Phoenix, AZ, where she created something of a checkered past. She is the New York Times Best-selling author of the humor memoirs The Idiot Girls Action Adventure Club, Autobiography of a Fat Bride, I Love Everybody and Other Atrocious Lies, We Thought You Would Be Prettier, Idiot Girls' Christmas, There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going to Hell, The Idiot Girls and the Flaming Tantrum of Death, and Spooky Little Girl, which will be available April 13, 2001. She is a terrible typist, doesn't suffer Big Ikes very well, and lives under an assumed name in Eugene, Oregon where her neighbors believe she is writing about them, but she is not. She has a cute dog, a nice husband and misses Mexican food like a limb lost to diabetes.

Customer Reviews

Although it isn't her typical book, I'd recommend this book to anyone who loves Notaro. A. Johnson  |  27 reviewers made a similar statement
The story line and the characters grab you immediately. MagPie28  |  12 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Unique Idea Always Wins March 18, 2010
Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
I've known a lot of would-be writers who have wondered what the magic formula is that will make their novel a best-seller, instead of one that languishes on the back shelves of the local book store. There are a few things that you can do that will make your novel stand out, and one of the most important is to give the readers something that they haven't seen before - something that is a different than most of the stories that you've heard before.

After all, if you look at some of the more popular authors to come about recently, such as Stephanie Meyers, the common thread that they share is that they look at things differently. Sparkling vampires ring a bell?

That is exactly what Laurie Notaro does in her novel Spooky Little Girl. The story starts out normal enough - Lucy, who is a few months away from getting married, takes one last vacation with her friends. When she returns all of her belongings are out on the lawn and she has to wrestle a woman for her wedding dress, and her fiance won't talk to her or explain why he threw her stuff out on the lawn. She loses her job and heads to her down-on-her-luck sister's house to live. To complete the string of the worst luck anyone has ever had in the world, she walks out onto the street only to wind up waking up to discover that she's no longer living. She's dead. And to make matters even worse, she's not only dead, she's in ghost school!

Instead of the classic "someone dies, they haunt someone else or they go to heaven to watch their relatives", Notaro brings us the idea of ghost school, where the ghosts have to learn how to do ghostly haunting tricks. She answers questions like why there is occasionally a cold spot in your home, and why we see orbs. With her wonderful imagination, she looks at things with a different light, with the story swiftly moving the entire time.

At first you feel extremely sorry for Lucy - but you also see her as someone that you can relate to. After all, who hasn't had a string of bad luck that has made you wonder about your very existence?

This novel could definitely be classified as "chick-lit", but that doesn't mean that it's all fluff and no substance. Throughout the story, and the giggles, you learn a few little life lessons. And it is those lessons and the unique way of looking at the afterlife that truly makes Spooky Little Girl a quick and fun read. I am definitely looking forward to seeing if Notaro can continue to look at the world in a different way in her next novel!
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A fun read! March 17, 2010
Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
I was excited when I saw Laurie Notaro had written a novel, as I had read her "Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club" last year and laughed myself silly.

Lucy Fisher is the main character and as the book opens she is returning from a vacation with some girlfriends as a celebration before she gets married to her boyfriend, Martin. The vacation does not go as planned, so she is rather anxious to be back home with Martin and her dog, Tulip. This is where the "%^(" really hits the fan though, because as the cab draws near she sees all of her belongings out on the lawn, the locks are changed, Martin won't call her back and Tulip is looked inside. She has nothing to do but put her stuff in her truck and bring it to her friend's house until she can find out what happened.

Just as she thinks it couldn't get worse she is fired from her job, for testing positive for cocaine, which in her memory she has not done since her tube top could fill itself out and keep it's shap unassisted.

What could be worse? Well, getting hit by a bus when you loan your vehicle to your sister and have to take the bus to the unemployment department. Nope, I kid you not, dead as a doornail.

Lucy wakes up to learn she has to go back to earth and finish her "assignment" before she is allowed to go to "The State", which is where all the dead people really want to be. Before she gets there though she will meet others who have had an unexpected demise and will learn the ropes from her teacher, Ruby on the basics of spooking.

I had to fill my husband in on the plot since there were several times that I had to read out loud some funny excerpt from the book. The book was light, fun and what I expected. If you like a good, funny read with a lovable heroine give this one a go. I enjoyed getting out of my life for a while and spending it with Lucy.

Hopefully, there will be more novels in Laurie Notaro's writing career, as I will definitely seek them out.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Not So Spooky - Simply Fun and Funny March 15, 2010
Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
Spooky Little Girl by Laurie Notaro

What would you do if you just came home from a trip with the girls celebrating your bachelorette party to find everything you own except your dog, out on the front lawn and your fiancé not answering your phone calls? And then what would you do if when you went back to work only to find out you've been accused of embezzling and then you test positive for a drug you've not used since huge shoulder pads for women were in vogue? Well if your like most people you run to those you love and love you back and that just what Lucy Fisher does; she runs to her sisters. Unfortunately for Lucy, before she could reclaim her dog or find out what went wrong with her fiancé Martin, she gets hit by a bus and ends up in of all places- the "nearly hereafter". She then has to learn haunting 101 to be able to "complete her assignment on earth. And if she is able to fix whatever it is that needs fixing she will be able to make her way to her afterlife or The State. This is reminiscent of the 1991 movie "Defending Your Life" with Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep, yet still retains a fresh quality since Laurie has so many other ideas on what the hereafter holds and how ghosts will act while in it.

I really liked this book since it had all the elements of what I look for in a "beach read" - an unusual and fresh story, characters that are both lovable and eccentric, some you can you can identify with and some that you just want to hate (with a passion). And let's not forget the most important element of a funny, light-hearted contemporary novel - the Happily Ever After- and I do mean EVER after!

I really love everything Laurie writes, so when this was offered by the Vine program for me to review I jumped at the chance. Normally Laurie writes autobiography and only has one other fiction title under her belt. "There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble", with "Spooky Little Girl" as her second fiction I think she has made it clear that she is a force to be reckoned with in the light fiction/chick lit genres.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars LOVE
Once again Laurie Notaro delivers. This novel is laugh out loud funny and a little sad. Being a Phoenix native as well, reading Laurie's books always helps take the home sickness... Read more
Published 9 days ago by Tammara K. Sanders
4.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious
I loved book as a fan of her previous essay books I expected it to be funny and I wasn`t disappointed. A very funny book that I would recommend to anyone.
Published 4 months ago by emily
5.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyable!
Just finished this and hated to see it end. Fun clean read I could share with my 14 yr old. Enjoyed it and want more! So glad to have discovered this author! Read more
Published 6 months ago by Blueberry mom
5.0 out of 5 stars Another great book by Laurie Notaro
Great book! Very original story. I loved the characters. This book takes a whole new look on the afterlife. If you like her other books, you will like this one just as much.
Published 7 months ago by Laura Rueben
5.0 out of 5 stars Spooky Fun!
I really enjoyed reading this book! Notaro's second entrance into the realm of fiction was much stronger than her first! Read more
Published 12 months ago by Yolanda S. Bean
3.0 out of 5 stars 2.5 stars - It was ok but I like her non-fiction better
Lucy Fisher arrives home from a horrible Hawaiian vacation only eight weeks away from her upcoming wedding only to find everything she owns thrown out on the lawn without any... Read more
Published 13 months ago by Michelle
4.0 out of 5 stars Perfectly spooky.
I love Laurie Notaro; I do. Even before I knew who Jen Lancaster was, I was getting splitting stitches in my side from laughing at her misadventures since The Idiot Girls'... Read more
Published 15 months ago by AMB
5.0 out of 5 stars Loe Love Love
I absolutely loved this book. The story line and the characters grab you immediately. I laughed and cried through the entire book and loved every minute of it. Read more
Published 20 months ago by MagPie28
5.0 out of 5 stars This is absolutely an excellent matrix of everything a reader is...
I picked this book up at a second hand store in Eugene, Oregon. The cover simply captured me. The book is beyond words for me to be able to truly review here. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Marco Cota
3.0 out of 5 stars Predictable
After the worst week of her life Lucy Fisher wakes up dead. She's in ghost school, in a class on haunting for those who died suddenly. Read more
Published 22 months ago by LH422
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