Stalking the Soul (Paperback)

~ Marie-France Hirigoyen (Author)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Claiming that emotionally abusive relationships are widespread in marriages, families and the workplace, French psychotherapist Hirigoyen illuminates the subtle, insidious relationship that "emotional abusers" and their "victims" evolve. While recognizing that the "clean violence" of an emotional abuserAwho as a "natural manipulator" often attracts others with a dynamic, winning styleAis hard to prove, she aims to enable those who are being abused to recognize what's going on and get help, and to alert her fellow therapists to the danger signs. Often, emotional abuse builds over a long period of time until it becomes so unbearable that victims lash out in frustration and anger, only to appear unstable and aggressive themselves. This, according to Hirigoyen, is the intent of many abusers: to systematically "destabilize" and confuse their victims (with irrational, threatening behavior that preys on the victim's fears and self-doubts), to isolate and control them and ultimately to destroy their identity. These relentless "predators" are also incapable of compassion or empathy, always blame the victim and never see their actions as wrong. Already a bestseller in France, this clearly written and compassionate book offers sensible advice (get support and leave the relationship if the abuse is personal; take legal action if it is professional), though it may not be easy to execute in every case. A smooth translation, combined with a foreword by Thomas Moore and a jacket blurb from Alice Miller, should help this book find a niche readership of thoughtful self-help readers and therapists. (Nov.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

Already a bestseller in France, this clearly written and compassionate book offers sensible advice…-Cornell University -- Publisher's Weekly, October 16, 2000

Hirigoyen’s book… has sold 360,000 copies and been translated into 17 languages. -Bruce Crumley -- Time Magazine, July 24, 2000 --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Helen Marx Books; Tra edition (April 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 188558699X
• ISBN-13: 978-1885586995
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.1 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #185,979 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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  #57 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Mental Health > Codependency
  #61 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Codependency
  #66 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Self-Help > Abuse

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

80 of 81 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Powerful, illuminating, and validating, March 7, 2005

By	Carolyn Rampone "Carolyn D'Amico Rampone" (Plantation, FL USA) - See all my reviews (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

"Stalking the Soul" will illuminate emotional abuse in a way that will shake you to the core.
Marie-France Hirigoyen has insight that is usually reserved for those who have walked the path. I was impressed with the depth of her knowledge of narcissism and the insidious and covert nature of the disorder.
Emotional abuse is a double-edged sword because it is so hard to prove. You'll go crazy just trying. The abuser is careful to reveal himself only to his victim while showing his false self, the one that hooked you, to everyone else. Manipulation is second nature to the emotional abuser, allowing him to slowly and methodically erode your sense of self and to murder your soul. The latter being their goal. You have become their prey, some'thing' to conquer.
I immensely appreciated and respected Marie-France Hirigoyen careful avoidance and rejection of blaming the victim. She shows in compassionate detail how it is your very strengths and talents that make you perfect prey to a narcissist, not your weakness, as so many other books on the subject will have you believe. Blaming the victim is just another layer of abuse and this author discredits that theory with a few strokes of her mighty pen. She appears to have an intimate understanding of the inner workings of a mental abuser and her knowledge flows freely from the pages directly to you. Where it is the abuser's goal to destabilize, Marie-France Hirigoyen is the friend who lovingly shakes your shoulders and shouts "It's not YOU," leading you back to sanity.
As a reminder, this book was originally written in French and the small translation difficulties should not deter you in any way.

48 of 48 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An Unwitting Victim, September 8, 2005

By	Southern Gal - See all my reviews

Though I am an avid reader, I have never chosen to write a review before. But this book shook me to my very core. An earlier reviewer said she could only read a certain amount of this book at a time. I had that exact same experience. I felt while reading this book as if I had existed in the middle of a psychological horror movie and was only beginning to understand the real peril in which I had been unknowingly fighting for my very survival. I found out during my marriage that my exhusband had been diagnosed with sociopathic personality traits. He had set out to destroy my reality, which he almost did. I had never had psychological problems of any kind but after months, maybe years of abuse, I contemplated suicide, and I voluntarily signed myself into a hospital for psychiatric help for three days and was diagnosed with reactive depression. After leaving that relationship, within six months I was involved with another cruel, manipulative abuser for over three years. I went to counseling and my counselor told me I was being too hard on myself. I was blaming myself and literally killing myself trying to fix what could never be fixed. I had the physical symptoms: stomach and chest pain, disorientation, self-isolation, and many more. I was holding on by a thread. I never thought it could happen to me...I am fairly bright, I have an advanced degree, and I was very successful in my career. But I so greatly underestimated the capacity for deviousness, duplicity, and intentional cruelty of fellow human beings I so loved and trusted. I see their behaviors and manipulations so clearly in this book. I also learned that some of my own personality traits, so positive in a healthy setting, made me a walking magnet for narcissisitic and passive-aggressive personalities. I now know these abusers had impenetrable anger that had nothing to do with me. But I was there and I was an easy target and, in my ignorance, I allowed them to make my life almost unbearable. I am still trying to work my way back, but now I understand and I am making progress. I have two other books on emotional abuse, and, while they are good, neither comes close to the precise behavioral descriptions contained here. If you are reading this because you suspect there is something wrong in a relationship, you are probably right. I highly recommend this book. You cannot fight your enemy until you know your enemy.

46 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Abusers . . you are soon to be impotent!, November 6, 2000

By A Customer

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This review is from: Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity (Hardcover)

Finally . . a book that TRULY understands emotional abuse. Why abusers abuse, why victims take it, how outsiders respond, how & why many psychologists deal with it incorrectly, and what victims can do etc. This book should be required reading for all people involved in abuse in any way. It could return the power to the victims and render many abusers impotent(i.e., powerless). I'm going to read it again SLOWLY.