Customer Reviews

Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War

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I bought this book just to support a fellow woman in the military family, and a local to my town. I started the book and couldn't put it down. I was alone with my kids that weekend, so it took three days, but every spare minute I had, I was reading.
Alison made me cry, made me smile, made me hope, and made me feel 'not alone'. She tells her story from her heart and opens up the window into the military wife's saga, trials, and tribulations. The emotional ups and downs are specific and honest to her situation, and true to what many wives feel in this day and age when deployments are increasingly longer and more frequent.
Read this book to learn about what it has been like for her and many wives out there. Then reflect on your own situation - to grow yourself from within, or to understand what the family down the street may be enduring. Even if you don't live in a military town, you may have someone near you who is going through a similar situation.
Great job Alison!

I am an independent woman, an entrepreneur, a socialite. And at age 36 I became a military wife. My first act was saying good-bye to my husband of three-weeks as he went off to Afghanistan for the first year of our marriage and my pregnancy. I have since then spent only three months with him of two years marriage. I've raised our son, managed my incredibly demanding career, and tried to learn how to be a good, supportive wife along the way. Ms. Buckholtz sings my song with this book. I cried and cried and cried as I read the first few pages--she struck a cord deep within me from page one.

I highly recommend this book, not just to military spouses but to anyone who is looking for a beautifully written story that will touch the hearts of every American, every mother, every women, everyone.

Alison Buckholtz is obviously a gifted writer and observer of human behavior. This combines to provide a great description the day to day life of the military spouse left behind in any deployment. Her coping and problem solving ability for her family and those of her extended navy family was truly remarkable. The additional stress caused by the kind of work and daily danger are hard to imagine. She tells a good story and one that everyone should read for the insight and entertainment it provides.

I read a lot and I can't think of a book I've read in the last year that made a bigger impression on me. I tend to read about 5 books in parallel, a little of this, a little of that and given the topic, I thought this one too will join the pile but actually, I couldn't put it down. Read right through to the very end in one long night.

Mrs. Buckholtz has a knack of depicting common events through an incredibly human pen. She describes her family life during the deployment of her husband presenting events and feelings as they are. She never complains, she never whines, and she doesn't do the opposite either: she never tries to appear like some heartless caricature of John Wayne.

You don't have to be a genius to realize that our heroes are not just the men and women in uniform but also their families staying behind and leading normal lives in very abnormal situations (with one parent far away and they themselves leading a transient life in unfamiliar locations). But Alison is a hero for yet another reason - she dares to open her heart to her readers. You can't finish reading this book without wishing her and all the women in her situation the best of luck.

Finally - as a civilian that has an interest in history (and therefore, unfortunately, also in the "art" of war) this book has unique value. I had no idea what families of deployed soldiers go through. Frankly, I never gave it much thought. This is not an academic study on the topic but rather an in depth painting of one such situation. And it really makes you think.

Ladies - I tip my hat to you. And from the bottom of my heart, wish you and your families all the best.

My wife read this book in a few nights. That she didn't put it down is testimony to how the book captivates (which is why I read it soon after). This was one of only a handful of books she has read since our baby was born two years ago. We're not a military couple, and had no idea what military life was like. This book provides a window into the human and family costs of military service. It is compelling, honest and opened our eyes to things we knew nothing about. And its also funny.

Favorite chapters: Beautiful World, Pippi (cleaning her house is incredibly well described), Everyday Fantasies, The Loved Dog, and of course Magical Powers. But it's not really fair to single out only some chapters: the whole book is a compelling family story. Indeed it is clear that writing was therapy for the author, a way of coping with the severe stress military deployments place on those standing by who didn't necessarily sign up for military careers. Michelle Obama should read this book, and use its insights to generate a vision of military service that doesn't victimize the spouses and children of service members through unrelenting deployments.

My brother is an officer in the Navy, flies a prowler and is stationed at Whidbey Island. This book hit home for me. I always assumed my Sister-In-Law had it tough; raising two kids under the age of 5, isolated on the other side of the country from family, all while my brother was on workups and deployment. I often compared it to the multitudes of single parents out there. This book; however, really illustrated the heartaches, triumphs and general life during these times. I learned that the spouses of our enlisted men and women have to deal with much more than what an outsider would perceive. While I always admired these individuals for their courageous and sometimes seemingly daunting task of holding a family together, I have even more respect and admiration. Thank you so much to the author of the book for sharing her experiences and illustrating how challenging life can be for those enlisted families. This book has affected me like no other in recent memory. Highly recommended to any person willing to learn the hard truths behind the families who fight for our freedom.

Just finished reading A. Buckholtz's book, STANDING BY: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War...and highly recommend it.

I don't come from a military background, and have always been curious about what it's really like on the inside. As a proud American citizen, I have tremendous interest in better understanding the sacrifices of military families who uphold that freedom I so dearly cherish. The author does such a GREAT job bringing the reader into her daily life, and her candor is, at times, deeply moving, and other times, HILARIOUS. The honest voice of this book is what drew me in, and makes me look at and APPRECIATE the Navy differently than I did before. The author does a wonderful job explaining different perspectives on an issue, and has such great examples to illustrate the point.

I am sending the book to my mom in Florida so we can talk about it on our next phone call!

Are you still debating whether or not to read this book? TOTALLY TOTALLY WORTH IT. The book is entertaining, educational, and eye-opening!!!! The entire time I read the book, I felt like I was talking with, and learning alongside of, a good friend. You will NOT be disappointed.

Bravo!!!

When I read the inner-flap of the book, outlining its general premise (east-coast liberal woman marries a Navy pilot and adjusts to becoming a Navy wife), I immediately was intruiged and I picked this up. Boy, am I glad I did!

In "Standing By: The Making of an American Military Family in a Time of War" (311 pages), author Alison Buckholtz brings the story of how she and her husband-to-be (Scott) met, how he tried (in vain) to break up several times (because he thought she wouldn't be up for being a 'Navy wife') and what an adjustment it was being Jewish in the service (proportionally there are far less Jewish members in the military than there are in the general population, explains the author). The most fascinating part of the book is how the author retells her transformation from an east coast (Washington, DC) liberal with strong ideas and judgments to someone else altogether. Describing her time in Anacortes: "I was a stranger in a strange land twice over, part of a Navy community in a region of the country for which I possessed no guide. As a result, something unexpected happened. Since I couldn't judge people at a glance anymore, I stoppd trying to. I grew to rely on my new friends' actions, rather than their statements, as I sought insights into who they were."

The other aspect of the book that struck me enormously is how the lives of the kids in military families are impacted. Alison and Scott have 2 small children (about 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old), and the kids' struggles dealing with the prolonged absence of their Navy dad just breaks your heart.

The author brings a bunch of other great insights in the book. Her writing is tops, and I found myself turning the pages. Reader beware: at times this book will tug at your heart, and I found myself chocked up a number of times. In all, an excellent book.

Not being a military family, but living in a town where I am surrounded by Navy families, I was very curious to look behind the "curtains." What it must be like to be married to someone who is gone for months at a time, for 20 years? The responsibilities are similar to that of a single-parent, but she must also deal with the absence of a loved one.
This book is filled with heart-felt stories about her two young children. They make you smile, laugh and cry.
Ultimately, this books make me really thankful for the sacrifices that soldiers and their families make for all of us. I highly recommend this book to all the "civilians"!

The burdens of the global war on terror have been borne by a very small, select, and mostly invisible segment of American society. To almost all Americans, the nature of this war is vague, distant, confusing, and frankly, somewhat annoying. Stories of men and women serving in the Armed Forces have been mostly positive, but have certainly fallen from the front pagers as the situation in Iraq improved.
Now, along comes Alison Buckholtz with a vivid, moving, accurate, and highly readable story of one family's experiences with a father at war. She tells a story that is both timeless (Civil War wives would recognize the issues faced by Alison) and current. Transplanted from a fairly priviledged and secure environment, she moves to the distant Pacific Northwest and joins a new society and, effectively, a new culture. Left alone while her husband is at sea, she copes with a myriad of personal and "Navy" issues, learning as she goes, and finding (a little to her surprise) the wonders of the Navy inter-family support system.
As a former naval officer, I recognize events in Alison's story all too well. She has brilliantly shown the truly invisible side of this war...families left behind and the burdens they bear.
I particularly enjoy her writing style...self-effacing, honest, and humorous. She writes somewhat like Carrie Bradshaw might have done if Mr. Big had been a Navy pilot.
Alison has done a wonderful service to all military spouses with this book.