Customer Reviews

Standup Guy: Masculinity That Works

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

If I could I would make this required reading for any single person navigating the choppy waters of dating and mate-searching, as well as for committed couples who want to transcend boundaries and break old habits to reach new levels of connection. Segell has hit all the nails on the head about the dynamics between men and women, and this is unquestionably a must-have handbook for both genders. While it points up astutely what we need, love and wish for in our mates, it also explains why those things often elude us, in fact, may be in direct conflict. But best of all, it offers strategies and bountiful reasons to believe that it's possible for men and women to connect healthily and happily-- physically, pschologically and emotionally. An immensely hopeful, hip, thinking/feeling person's book that points no accusatory fingers, but instead pays homage to the familiar comfort found in old behaviors as it opens our eyes to other functional, fulfilling ways to engage with our partners. Good-natured, intelligent and impressive.

This is a terrific book, and Michael Segell is a standup guy for writing it.

Segell goes down several paths to explore what it means to be a man at the end of the twentieth century. He participates in organized men's groups, sifts through his own past, synthesizes the biological research on men's behavior, and listens to women grouse about men behaving badly.

Roaming the men's group circuit, he participates in New Warrior training (and gleans valuable personal insights), attends a Promise Keepers weekend (finding more value than he thought he would), and joins a nude rap session on the male member (emerging bemused at the variety of male sexual preoccupations).

He weaves in his own experiences, from the early death of a beloved older brother to the adreneline surge of mixing it up with an opponent in a pick up hockey game. The story of his relationship with his father is thoughtful and moving, and will resonate with boomers who grew up with the distant, demanding dads of the WWII generation.

Segell has done his homework on the social, psychological and biological findings about how men behave. it's instructive to relate our behaviors as millennial urban males to our genetic wiring as organisms trying to shinny up the evolutionary pole. Anyone who has ever attended a sales meeting, for example, will appreciate the parallels to the grooming and dominance behaviors of male baboons.

He argues that much of what we do as men is designed to make us desirable breeding partners to women, and we adapt in response to what women value. When women are in transition, as they have been during the feminist upheavals of the last thirty years, the result is often confusion and anxiety on the part of males. He is particularly good on the male survival paradox. We desire to be the new age men women say they want in order to guarantee the continuation of our gene pool. But we're reluctant to give up innate patterns of aggression and dominance that have in fact been well rewarded over the past few million years of evolution.

In the end, Segell's standup guy is someone in touch with the basic biological drives of manhood, who listens to women and tries to adapt to their evolving needs, who takes parenting seriously, and who tries to give something back to the community. Without laying some six or eight or twelve step formula on us, and without oversimplifying the complexity of the task, Segell gives us a common sense guide to what it takes to be a well integrated male.

Guys who read this book are bound to learn something new and will get several shocks of recognition about the male condition. And it's a good Baedeker for women who want to venture into the territory of the male psyche.

If ever you needed evidence of the pernicious influence of feminism on women, this is it. Men are turning off powerful women en masse, and turning them down--in the last minute--in the sack. Nevertheless, the author seems to believe that feminism is with us forever, and he suggests ways in which men can maintain fulfilling relationships with its masculinized victims. Don't miss this book. It's first rate!

In the introduction of his book, Segell states that a man's search for his soul mate is well worth the effort. To be successful though, a man has to realize the feminist movement has brought about changes to the rules of the game. These changes in turn have dictated changes in a man's approach to finding his soul mate. A man has to become a "standup guy". He defines a standup guy as: "One who has developed emotional autonomy and independence; his psychological sophistacation not only confers greater personal power, but is an important component of a truly egalitarian relationship; and one with an ability to see the world from the other side especially when it comes to a sexual relationship." While Segell believes these traits are essential to finding a soul mate, there are still characteristics possessed by a man and a woman that are tenets of Nature. His chapter entitled, "What Women Really Want", is pivotal to understanding what's necessary for making a relationship work between a man and a woman in today's world. Being a standup guy is what it's going to take for a man to find fulfillment in a sexual relationship. The payoff in happiness is a tremendous one. A critical component to a successful relationship according to Segell is a man's willingness to assume a greater responsibility in raising a family than a man has in past generations. The chapter entitled, "Daddy's Boys", drives home this message. Not only does assuming this responsibility play a major role in a man's relationship with his wife, but it greatly influences the children's initiation into adulthood especially for boys. Michael Segell is to be congratulated for sharing his voyage of self-discovery with other men. Men in their 20's and 30's should take his advice to heart if they are searching for a soul mate. It isn't easy, but anything worth fighting for never is.

Like so many other books of its ilk, this one has less than nothing to offer. Simply looking at the flyleaf note about this new prescription for masculinity being someone who is "skilled in the bedroom and the boardroom" makes it clear that the 99.9% of men who will never see the inside of a boardroom will find nothing relevant to their lives between its covers. The kvetching of privileged establishment elite princesses is hardly the substance of a practical view of the difficult realities that most people face in trying to create relationships that work. The author's "resume guys" are the modern day prince charmings of a fairy tale being peddled as social analysis. Don't waste either your money or your time on this book. All it has to offer is stale old fantasies that have led millions to waste their lives seeking unrealistic and unworkable ideals while passing up many opportunities for realistic relationships.

This book has been written hundreds of times before.

"Hey man, like we shouldn't get wrapped up in like whether we are MEN or WOMEN cause we are all like HUMAN BEINGS."

"So like, you know, we should like abandon all those traditional male STEREOTYPES and become more like, you know, LOVING and COMPASSIONATE."

Yes, this book has been written hundreds of times before; it has the same old recipe for total capitulation. And the fact that Michael Segall and others like him have nothing new to say shows just how UNliberating feminism really is. I don't call it very "liberating" that virtually everyone who has written on the subject has the same "cookie cutter" response to it -- it sounds more like Soviet-type journalism.

Don't tell me that feminism is "here to stay", Mr. Segall. If you have the guts, tell me how we can triumph over it. Are you afraid of total victory? If so, WHY?

I borrowed this book so as not to waste money. This book has nothing new to say. Everything that is wrong, is the fault of the male. Not the gold digging women looking for resume men, who sue men and get them fired for saying "you look nice" at work. What do women expect. You deny men what it is to be a man, screw him over in court, at work, and expect him to be a "New Age Man"? What a crock. This is just another man not holding womens and their double standards, accountable for the mess that has been created.