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59 of 62 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
For Those Readers Who Wish to Fully Live Their Lives Before They Die, January 4, 2008
This review is from: Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death (Hardcover)
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***** "Staring at the Sun" is the eminent psychiatrist Irvin Yalom's latest book based upon the premise that not just many, but all of our fears---fears that on the surface seem to be something else---are in actuality, the fear of death. However, this is not a depressing book. Understanding and accepting death anxiety can bring us to a greater appreciation of life. The author writes, "Death awareness may serve as an awakening experience, a profoundly useful catalyst for major life changes." The book explores how this might be. The second to the last chapter of the book is a memoir of the author's own personal encounters with death anxiety and his reflections in anticipation of his own death. I found this chapter to be moving and poignant. The last chapter is written specifically for therapists. The entire book includes stories from the author's psychotherapeutic practice. The print is large and easy to read. The book includes a reader's guide in the back that would be helpful for book clubs and self-help or other therapeutic groups. I thought this book was wise above all, brave, human, personal, and inspirational without being religious or even spiritual. Highly recommended. *****
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36 of 36 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Don't fear the Reaper..., January 12, 2008
This review is from: Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death (Hardcover)
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According to Irvin D. Yalom, people can be so consumed with their own mortality that they become crippled by "unmanageable death anxiety." This disorder manifests in ways that include anxiety attacks, bad dreams, and depression. Dr. Yalom believes that this is a key psychological problem, one that goes even deeper than Freud's emphasis on sexual repression. Therefore, he's based his practice on helping people overcome this issue and enjoy life to the fullest. I found "Staring at the Sun" to be an intriguing and readable book, not to mention helpful for my own battles with this issue. It should be noted up front that the author is not religious. If his patient follows a certain faith, Dr. Yalom encourages his or her belief if it is helpful to the healing process. But he is a rationalist who is more in line with evolutionary thought and secular philosophy than with spiritual leanings. His treatment methods include guided dream interpretation, and encouraging awakening experiences as a form of existential shock therapy. Along those lines, Dr. Yalom advocates some of the philosophical teachings of Epicurus, Nietzsche, and Schopenhauer to help his patients come to terms with their mortality and cultivate the ability to "create the fate that [they] can love." There is much to like about this book. I admired the author's candor about his own fears of impending death at the age of 76, and how his struggles have enabled him to help others in the same boat. In addition, I appreciated the personal touch he brings to his practice, including appropriate self-revelation and a commitment to help his patients even at inconvenient times. I got the sense that he truly cares about them, but still manages to maintain appropriate boundaries without being rigid or condescending. Finally, his tactics of "rippling" (positively influencing others with one's life), forming genuine connections with people, living free from regret (or using what regret you have to avoid more of it), and internalizing life-affirming philosophies to achieve a holistic strategy for living well makes sense to me. Indeed, if he practiced close by, I'd make an appointment with him. However, I had a couple of minor blind spots with "Staring at the Sun." First, as part of treatment, the author recommends activities that his patients may already be doing - achievement, relationships, taking risks, etc. I inferred that internal motivation is the major defining factor here, but I wish he would've made that idea clearer. Along those lines, does eliminating death anxiety make one a better person? Changing selfishness to selflessness is a whole different ballgame. I'm not certain that curing the fear of death automatically makes one more altruistic. Nihilism is a danger here, especially if the patient takes a wrong turn into Nietzsche's darker corners. Also, he brought up some other tantalizing angles that I wanted to hear more about, such as the illusion of upward mobility. That's a key issue for men at midlife who are confronted with their mortality via physical decline and dwindling life options (like me). In "Staring at the Sun," Dr. Yalom has done an excellent job of defining the fear of death as a key psychological health issue, and also creating a successful path of treatment. More importantly, he's made his ideas available to a wide audience in an interesting and accessible manner. Even the chapter dedicated to therapists is, as the author recommends, readable by laypersons - especially since it will help him or her avoid a bad shrink and select a good one instead.
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28 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
"The idea of death saves us.", November 27, 2007
This review is from: Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death (Hardcover)
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In "Staring at the Sun," psychiatrist and Stanford University professor Irvin D. Yalom confronts one of humanity's greatest fears: the terror of death. Yalom, who is in his seventies, admits that he has pondered the psychological and philosophical implications of his own mortality. In addition, Dr. Yalom discusses his patients, many of whom have been shaken by the loss of a loved one, professional failures, or romantic disappointments. Their frustrations sometimes translate into a fear of death, because as we age, we may come to fear that we will never have enough time to accomplish our goals. If we were to think constantly about death, it would be like "trying to stare at the sun in the face: You can stand only so much of it." Therefore, as a form of self-protection, many of us avoid the subject entirely. After all, we are busy enough attending to life's routines. Work, marriage, raising a family, making friends, cultivating hobbies, and participating in communal and charitable endeavors can take up a great deal of time. Why contemplate an unpleasant subject that can lead to unhappiness and depression? No matter how we may try to ignore it, however, certain life events bring death to the fore, such as a milestone birthday, a serious illness, divorce, retirement, or grown children leaving home. Any such transition can traumatize a vulnerable individual. The author is a non-observant Jew who does not believe in a divine entity; therefore, he does not rely on religion for comfort. Instead, he turns to philosophers such as Epicurus, Nietzsche, and Schopenhauer for guidance. Those who worship a deity may be put off by Yalom's staunch secularism. Still, this book does offer a common sense approach that anyone can implement, no matter what his beliefs. Yalom advises us to spend our lives doing work that we love, so that we will not look back at our youth with regret; to reach out and form meaningful interpersonal relationships--connectedness reduces isolation; to be bold in making necessary lifestyle changes that can bring us greater contentment; to take comfort from the "rippling" effect of our good deeds. Live in the moment, he urges, and make each day count. This seems like obvious advice, but common sense is anything but common; Yalom reminds us of behaviors that we may mean to adopt but, for some reason, do not. Dr. Yalom puts great store in the power of dreams to reveal the secrets locked in our subconscious minds. He recounts and analyzes his own as well as his patients' dreams, discussing at length how many of us grapple with our fear of death symbolically. Yalom analyzes the imagery of dreams, and he uses the knowledge gained from this analysis to work out his clients' emotional issues in a therapeutic setting. Knowing that we are all destined to die can motivate us to focus more on our everyday lives. If we take our mortality seriously, we are more likely to use the time we have left productively. St. Augustine said, "It is only in the face of death that a man's self is born." Power, money, honors, and possessions cannot protect us from the fate that awaits us all. Yalom advises us to "keep in mind the advantage of remaining aware of death, of hugging its shadow to you. Such awareness can integrate the darkness with your spark of life and enhance your life while you still have it." It is never too late, Yalom asserts, to "make substantial positive changes." "Staring at the Sun" is a beautiful gift given by a thoughtful and compassionate man to those of us who are receptive to his words. Rather than plunging into existential despair or having plastic surgery in an attempt to recapture our lost youth, we can choose to celebrate the years that we have left by living them as well as we can. "Staring at the Sun" is an eloquent, literate, and deeply personal book by a humane and compassionate therapist who is not too proud to admit his own vulnerabilities. Irvin Yalom truly lives by the famous words of the Roman writer, Terence: "Nothing human is alien to me."
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