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Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies

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As a new bride, Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies, by Steve and Candice Watters, was one of the most timely books I have read in the last year. After all the work required to plan a wedding and transition into a new season of life, my pre-engagment excitement about having a baby dwindled as I simply did not want to transition yet again. This book refreshingly reminded me of my desire for children, excitement about motherhood, and the purpose of my new marriage.
Passionate, but not preachy, the Watters illustrate how their shared heart to see the next generation come forth is not just a personal conviction, but in fact God's heart and plan for His creation, even a means of fulfilling the great commission. Scripture, statistics and scientific facts come to the defense of their thesis, but not once in an overwhelming, dry, or legalistic manner. Rather, all the information is eloquently woven together in love and vulnerability through sharing their own story of having and raising babies.
Together Steve and Candice take on current cultural standards and weigh them against the word of God. Whether it is a matter of fear, ambition, or lack of desire, they challenge readers to evaluate before the Lord the source of our reasons for waiting to have children, with the reminder that a woman's fertility declines much more dramatically with age than many of us realize. Together they explain how the ways we have conformed to the world have put children on the back burner for most young couples. Today we trade having babies for dream careers and dual incomes; the richness of family homes for pottery barn style; and the rootedness of growing mulit-generational family trees for soul-mate inspired companionship marriages. Candice and Steve present a biblical call to once again view having children as part of being married, noting that though the bible condones singleness for the sake of ministry, not once does it condone voluntary childlessness as an obedient lifestyle option for married couples.
In perfect Watters fashion, this book is a call to intentionality, but even greater than that, it is a call to holiness. They don't paint a one-sided happy picture about all the joys of having a family without emphasizing the great sacrifice required to raise godly offspring for the Lord (Malachi 2:15), but with encouragement that this lifestyle of sacrifice produces selflessness and strength of character.
As my husband and I read this book together, it strengthened our understanding that having children is part of our purpose in being one flesh. We are grateful to have had access to the wisdom and facts presented in Start Your Family so early on in our marriage. I would recommend this book to all newly married and engaged couples who are interested in gaining some scriptural truth and basic facts about how (and when) to open up their lives for the possibility of babies.

I admit I started this book with rather negative expectations (maybe it was the horrible 1980's looking cover), but I was pleasantly surprised. I was afraid it would present a very conservative, legalistic viewpoint (something like "Wives, you should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen with a head covering or you're a sinner"), but it DIDN'T.

Our culture tells us two things about kids:
1) They're an inconvenience that will ruin your dreams, marriage, freedom, and furniture
or 2) You should only have children once you're "ready" (and what does that mean??) and have accomplished everything you want to in your career, marriage, and finances, or you're being unfair to your kids.

I wanted something that would actually present what GOD says about children. The Watters point out how we've been bombarded with messages that marriage is all about our individual happiness, and that the root of many of the anti-children messages we hear is just plain...selfishness. Next, they give examples of what the Bible says about children (do you know how much it talks about having children? Why do we never hear these verses?), both as commands and promises. The book (of course) communicates a strong message to have children, but the Watters aren't unrealistic about what it takes to raise a godly family, and they encourage practical wisdom, sacrifice, and, most of all, dependence on God. My main takeaways were:

1) God wants good things for us, and He commands us to have children (simple as that). Therefore, having children is a GOOD thing, and we don't have to listen to all the doom-and-gloom about kids
2) It's said, "Where God guides, God provides." God commands us to have and raise children for His glory, so He's going to provide what we need to do it. Don't give in to fear ("We won't be able to make ends meet!") or selfishness ("But I really, really want this set of furniture.")
3) While the Bible mentions not getting married in order to minister, it never says it's okay for a married couple to not have children in order to be in ministry. Children ARE ministry, and a beautiful, important one.
4) Fertility doesn't last forever. The feminist movement has been all about our right to "choose," but they don't tell us how easily we could miss the opportunity to choose TO have children. We need to be educated about our bodies' natural rhythm of fertility.

Some of the most profound parts of the book were quotes from Gary Thomas' book Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls. Thomas talks about how God uses children (and all the experiences that come with raising them) to mold us into Christ's image. I want to be like Jesus, so why would I pass up such a powerful tool that God obviously uses to sanctify us? It's like choosing to take a journey to Mordor--we know it will be difficult, but we'll be far different people at the end than if we stay apathetically in the Shire. The crucible is worth it. (Gary Thomas also wrote an amazing book called Sacred Marriage, where he talks about how God uses marriage to sanctify us. It's by far the best marriage book I've read.)

The Watters are brave to write something that is so counter-cultural (I can't imagine the backlash they must get) that manages to stay applicable to the struggles modern young couples are facing. If you know what our culture says about having children but want to read something that explores what the Bible says, you'll enjoy this book.

This book sat on my shelf unread for quite awhile. I think I was afraid to be convinced about the merit in considering children so early in marriage. We weren't ready by any stretch of the imagination emotionally, relationally, and certainly not financially.

After my husband and I read the book, though, our hearts were changed. Where else are you going to hear CLEAR, REASONABLE, and HOPEFUL thoughts on the benefits of starting your family, and early in marriage? Our culture, on one side, says, "Wait for perfect circumstances! Wait until you've experienced all your adventures to suffer the pains of child-rearing!" The other side, our Churches, often don't encourage their members to go from the place of knowing a theology about faith and risk, to living that out as so many have throughout history.

I encourage those considering this book to ask themselves these questions:

1. Am I going to allow myself to at least hear the obvious message of this book?
2. Will I allow my faith and the Bible's message of family to supersede my inhibitions, if necessary?

Happy reading!

Great book for newly married couples trying to decide on when to have children. Rather than tell you what to decide, the Watters' offer advice and many things to consider regarding children. They believe (from what I've read and understood) that people should allow God to govern the womb and timing is a key part of that. They believe that children are a blessing from the Lord, which our culture today doesn't understand. To a lot of couples out there, children are merely an inconvenience to be avoided at all costs. Steve and Candice explain to readers what the Bible truly says about children, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you as He sees fit. I would definitely say that this book is highly recommended.

This book is great for the Christian couple. I'd recommend it for anyone who is putting off having children for money, career, being "free", etc. This book is not all roses, but is blunt and honest using scripture and quoting MANY credible sources as well as the author's personal experiences. It also talks about the facts of life- that women's fertility is NOT forever and begins to decline at age 27. (I double checked this- it's true).

My husband and I are reading this book together and we are not quite done with it. Sure it made me feel a little bad that we hadn't started earlier, but I also know it's not too late. They often talk about the two extremes - starting young at ages 22-24 or trying to start later at 38-40. So we are in the middle and glad we're not waiting any longer.

I highly recommend this book - not that it's "law", but that is a very in depth look into starting a family early and before it's too late. Great opinions and a new look at the subject. Enjoy.

The authors' goal with this book is to encourage Christian couples to start their families young. They make a good case for the fact that it's not necessary to have everything completely planned and that it's not a healthy mindset to feel like you want your years of "fun" together before adding children. They also make the point--which many couples miss--that a couple's fertility is not as certain as they often think it is. Many couples wait years to have children, and then don't find it as easy as expected.

This book has a very counter-cultural message, one not even that common in the church today. It's good to read a Christian book where the reader is pointed to the fact that God intended couples to have children, that it's He that provides for them, that children are a blessing, and that we need to die to self and be willing to make sacrifices for our children.

The book does contain a lot of Scripture verses, but only those that pertain to the authors' point. The authors do not take the approach of looking at what the Scriptures say about children, conception, etc, and then build their framework from there. Instead, they take the typical framework (pick x number of children), and encourage you to plan to have them early on in your marriage. And so, they look for Scriptures that might support that. The authors are definitely still in the camp of believing that Christians should be deciding how many children to have and when. There are several references to the wisdom of having your children young, when you are more energetic, your body is stronger, etc. There's an unspoken feeling that it's an unwise thing to be having children in your late 30s or 40s if you can avoid it. The assumption throughout the book is that you are going to have your "x" number of children, and so have them in the early years of your marriage, and then be done.

The authors never try to examine the question of what the Scriptures say about number of children, family planning, etc. The authors much ignore the many, many verses that make it clear that it is God who opens and closes the womb, that it's never an accident, that lots of children are a blessing, and so, they never go on to ask the questions "Why aren't we willing to have more children?" "What are the reasons we would try to stop God from giving us another child?" "Are we supposed to be the ones planning our families?"

The book is from a relatively big Christian publisher (Moody) and thus has the potential of a large audience among conservative Christians. It would be nice to see more Christian couples putting aside the mindset of putting off children longer so that they can have their "us time" first, or get more established in their careers, or whatever. It was nice to see the authors throw out our culture's assumption that we should wait to have children and see what the Scriptures said about it. It would have been much nicer to see them be willing to throw out all the assumptions and actually start with what Scripture said in making an overall framework for how Christian families should be formed.

I bought this book after searching for help. I had many fears about coming off birth control, trying to conceive and becoming a parent. I have been married 2 years and my husband was ready to start a family...I wasn't. This book quickly addressed almost all my fears. It did not discuss coming off birth control and trusting God with one's body and timing of conception. However, the authors did present all the reasons WHY to start a family and all the reasons that modern culture indicate why NOT to start a family. They also go into detail with practical advice on finances and using community/family resources. The argument, to start a family versus to remain childless, is very balanced and is backed by statistics and research (maybe a little too much citing). Like I read from another review, this book did remind me of a graduate student paper, but the over-all message was very helpful. The authors are obviously Christians, an aspect that I was looking for in a book about starting a family. I recommend this book to all newly-wed couples.

As someone who has pushed off starting a family from the moment I got married, this book was a major surprise to me. The world offers a million reasons for young adults to put off having kids, or even consider not having children at all. (I could name most of them.) But this book offers a fresh, realistic perspective on why you should.

If you are like me and have ever dreaded the thought of going through pregnancy and experience the life-change of becoming a parent, I highly recommend this book for your consideration. The authors provide a balanced look at how couples approach the decision to start a family, and the joys and challenges that come after. Enjoy!

Only in the past 100 years, has the normative pattern become for married couples to postpone having children until they deem themselves "ready". Many people are even "choosing to be childless", permanently. Most Christian couples follow the cultural paradigm for starting their families, without any thought of searching the Scriptures for God's Wisdom, on this matter. Steve and Candice Watters' timely work, Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies, encourages married couples to have a biblical worldview about having children.
Steve and Candice Watters exhort couples to not take their fertility for granted. They dispel the myth that childbearing can be postponed, and achieved, at will. The Watters' remind us that "Birth control interrupts fertility, it doesn't extend it."They scripturally present the case that the 20's are a "window of opportunity" for bearing children.
Start your Family gives a realistic view of parenting, sharing both the struggles and the joys. Steve and Candice encourage couples to cast away fears about having children and parenting, and to step out in faith. Parenting calls us to lean wholeheartedly on the Lord, as He makes up for our ample inadequacies. It is so encouraging to read how the Lord has changed Steve and Candice's hearts, through parenting.
Even as a mother of three children, Start Your Family has been such a blessing for me to read. It has renewed and refreshed my vision of the importance of bearing and raising godly children. It has reminded me of the importance of leaning upon the Lord, moment by moment, for His sustaining strength. I am thrilled to have found a resource that I can wholeheartedly recommend to engaged or newly married couples.

I believe that "Start Your Family" is an important, much-needed book in today's Christian culture. It reminds readers, even those such as myself who are parents, that having children shouldn't be an afterthought for married couples.

This book is a great resource for any couple who is ambivalent about having kids or undecided on when to become parents. Steve and Candice make a compelling argument in favor of family through the use of research, personal accounts, humor, and biblical truth. They discuss the "why," "when" and "how." And, while I'm not normally a fan of reading statistics on fertility, the numbers and stories included are perfect for the book's intended audience. Couples are reminded that the clock is ticking. At the same time, this book is hopeful for those who are older and wanting children. Candice's story of having a baby after being told by doctors she was menopausal is inspiring. It clearly shows that "all things are possible for God."

As I closed the book, I could already think of several couples I know who could benefit from the Watters' wisdom.