Statements: True Tales of Life, Love, and Credit Card Bills [Hardcover]

Amy Borkowsky (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 26, 2005

She was too busy to keep a diary. Luckily, AmEx kept one for her.

From comedian Amy Borkowsky comes a hilarious collection about how she-quite literally-spent her early years as a single career woman. After digging out several dust-covered boxes from the back of her closet, Amy discovered twelve years' worth of credit card statements, documenting, in their own way, every significant event in her life. They show that on July 12, 1993, Amy spent $189.12 at Victoria's Secret, and that on July 14 she returned the entire purchase-evidence of a relationship that suddenly unraveled, right before The Lingerie Phase. The $601.76 she spent at Ann Taylor reminds her of her quest to find a suit that would cover not only her torso but also her career-related insecurities, and a $30.25 charge for her first Caller ID box recalls her first fruitless attempts to block out her interfering mother. Every purchase tells a story, and this wickedly funny account relates Amy's search for what every young woman is really shopping for in life: love, success, and independence.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Some young, single New York women pour their hearts out in diaries; others are just so busy they don't think to record their daily movements. In a gimmicky twist, Borkowsky, whose Amy's Answering Machine collected phone messages her mother left her, draws on her credit card statements to provide an exhaustive account of what she did for 12 years as a junior advertising executive by day, party girl by night. Written as a series of individual stories that illustrate the mundane (frequent gourmet coffee consumption), romantic (charges for dinner dates, gifts for boyfriends) and practical (her first new couch, mounting costs for baby gifts for friends) aspects of her existence, the record serves as a surprisingly vivid if eventually tedious portrait of the priorities in Borkowsky's personal life. Readers learn of her penchant for Chinese takeout and her various attempts at self-improvement through night classes and home improvement with a caulking gun. The grand finale, which Borkowsky wishes for all her readers, includes charges for a wedding dress, honeymoon resort, baby clothes and graduate school tuition. Most readers will learn more—and have a better time—by poring over their own bills and connecting the dots.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Amy Borkowsky is a Manhattan-based comedian and the author of Amy's Answering Machine: Messages from Mom. Before launching her full-time comedy career, Amy lived the hectic life of an Executive Vice President and Creative Group Head at a major Manhattan advertising agency, where she won dozens of awards including five Clios, three Cannes Festival Lions, and an Emmy. Amy now devotes herself exclusively to performing, speaking, and developing new comedy projects.

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 14 and up
  
• Hardcover: 208 pages
• Publisher: Chamberlain Bros. (July 26, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1596090871
• ISBN-13: 978-1596090873
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,235,759 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant concept -- book lives up to it, August 2, 2005

By 

Matt D. (Brooklyn, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Statements: True Tales of Life, Love, and Credit Card Bills (Hardcover)

This whole idea of this book is what caught my attention, and I was pleased to see it did not disappoint. I appreciated the humor, all very well done, and I'm sure women will relate to the whole single-woman perspective. As a guy, I appreciate that the author manages to cover dating ground others have walked on in a fresh way and without crossing the line into man-bashing. In fact, in several stories, she seems very sympathetic to guys, but still manages to have enough edge to get you laughing or, in some cases, just thinking to yourself, "Hey, I never thought of it that way."

She has a couple of references to why women shouldn't buy guys expensive gifts, and I naturally take exception to that (LOL). As someone who goes to whichever barber can fit me in, I found the piece on the angst she had trying to "break up" with her longtime hairstylist a little over the top, but in the good, extreme way that's characteristic of all good comedy. She says in the dedication that her accountant was the one who advised her to save her Amex statements, but don't be scared off by the accountant reference. This is anything but dry, financial stuff. Highly recommended.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Thoroughly Enjoyable, August 2, 2005

By 

Myrtle (New York, New York) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Statements: True Tales of Life, Love, and Credit Card Bills (Hardcover)

This is a very entertaining book and, in many instances you don't really need to know exactly what was charged to enjoy the story. The items charged are merely a way to lead in to something the author remembered, a fun adventure from her real life recalled when she examined her old Amex bills. The book is not arranged chronologically, and since each story or funny essay can be read independently, it's great if you want to read a few pages at a time without losing any flow. I liked that even though it's about all the items and meals and other things she purchased, she doesn't come across as a shopaholic type. I'm not into Manolo shoes, and I could relate since she shops at places like Macy's (though a few other purchases seemed a little splurgey). But as I already mentioned, the shopping is a small part. It's about a young single woman trying to find love and trying to find herself. If this sounds like you, you will thoroughly enjoy this book.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars She Got a Lot out of her Amex Statement, September 3, 2005

By 

John Matlock "Gunny" (Winnemucca, NV) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Statements: True Tales of Life, Love, and Credit Card Bills (Hardcover)

It seems like Amy Borkowsky has found a new art form. Instead of having to go to all the work of keeping a journal, writing things down, forgetting where you put the damn thing. And so on, you just find the things around you that are keeping records and use that as the basis for a book.

What she does here is use the records on her American Express statement to jog her memory into what was behind that expense. She does a lot better at this than I do, I look at the statement and wonder 'what the hell did I buy from WalMart for $39.76.

Just one example is her reflections on the Starbuck bills. Her doctor tells her that too much caffine can aggravate a migraine, and especially a kind migraine that feels like you're being stabbed in the head with an icepick.

Reporting to her mother.

'What if, God forbid, you're walking alone at night and someone stabs you in the back of the head with an icepick? How would you know? When you should be yelling: Help Police, you'll be calmly asking passersby, Excuse me, do you have a Tylenol? And what if the attacker is also a pervert?'

'Don't worry, I'll just tell him, Not tonight, I have a headache.'