Customer Reviews

The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide: Field-Tested Strategies for Staying Smart, Sane, and Connected While Caring for Your Kids

5 star:		(35)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Cross-post with my review of the book on http://www.askmoxie.org

I loved this book. There are a couple books I recommend without reservation, and this is one of them. I don't think you'll get much out of it if you're not a SAH parent and don't plan to be one, but if you are or have been or want to be or are planning to be a SAH mother, you will get something out of this book.

The first strength of this book is that the author had a big career, then was home for a year with her first child, went back to work more-than-full-time for a few years, and is not back at home with her (now) three kids (including a set of twins, one of whom has special needs). So she's seen the gig from a lot of different angles. There were things I took for granted about being at home before I went back, and I know I'd have a different view of being at home now if I could go back to thatom and I think the book does a good job of picking out things that are unique to the at-home gig, but also universal to at-home moms.

The second strength of this book is that it hits the correct topics. The central tension of being at home, IME, is that tug-of-war between wanting to be with your kids all the time and feeling like you're missing something by being at home. (I think the flip side is the central tension of WOH--being out in the working world, but feeling like you're missing something with your kids.) And that's one of the central themes of this book. It is not at all one of those "yes it can be tough but SAH moms are riding along on a cloud of rainbows raising the future of the world" books. It acknowledges that there are many reasons women stay home to care for their children, and that sometimes it's not because that's what they'd choose if the choice was really possible. It gives equal weight to the joy and also the tedious nature of being at home, and discusses the very real sacrifices women make to stay home.

The chapter on finances, in particular, is strong. I've seen other things about finances for SAHM, and they all seem to be about how to economize on paper towels to stretch your family's money. Stanton's chapter on SAHM finances stresses knowing what your finances are, different ways of dividing the labor and responsibility of keeping track of money, and making sure you are not left in the lurch if your partner dies or you separate.

Another big theme of the book is laying on the table the idea that being a SAHM sometimes ends up being a 24/7 job, and one that your partner devalues because you aren't contributing any money. That's something that causes tons of pain for lots of women (as seen in the comments on yesterday's post here, for example), and there doesn't seem to be an answer. The right thing, clearly, is for a partner to look around and realize that forcing one person to be on duty all the time while the other's work hours are limited to 40-60 hours a week is patently ridiculous. But there are still partners out there who seem to think that they deserve a break while their wives do not. Stanton doesn't have an answer for that (neither do I, for that matter), but she discusses it and gives examples and commentary from a bunch of SAH women on the way it works in their households.

This book doesn't tell you what to do (except to keep your resume updated). It explores the light side and the dark side emotionally and logistically of being at home with your kids. It gives a bunch of data points. It doesn't blow smoke up your skirt about how great it is, or how horrible it is. It acknowledges that you're a person--not just a role, not "just" a mother, not just a political demographic. In short, it's a lot like you guys do for each other here.

Now for the bad parts: Honestly, I only have a couple of teeny minor points with this book: She uses the word "gal" a lot, she assumes most SAHMs have cars, and the only reason she acknowledges for divorce is adultery. But those are really, really minor points, and I'm only mentioning them so you know I actually read the book. Overall, I thought The Stay-At-Home Survival Guide took on the major emotional topics involved in being a SAH parent. I highly recommend it for anyone considering doing it or who's in the middle of it right now.

If your husband is an active parent and you knew, going in, that being an at-home mother would be challenging, this book is probably not for you. It was interesting to read about the experiences of other at-home parents, but that was all I really got out of this book.

What I wanted was a real survival guide: how do I get a shower? how do I balance kids' needs and household chores? what do I DO each day to keep my self esteem up and take care of the kids and myself? There are a few interesting bits, but overall, the book was not worth the precious few minutes I get to read each day.

This book is refreshing in its honesty! Finally a REAL perspective on what it's like to be at home, with kids, all day, every day...and not loving it all day, every day. I found the book totally validating - I felt like the author had a window into my actual life. It's crystal clear that Melissa Stanton has walked the walk, and her perspective will make so many of us SAHMs feel supported and understood. I keep this book right next to my well-referenced collection of parenting books by the Sears and Brazeltons out there, but the difference is that THIS author has truly lived what I am living today. I am grateful to be a SAHM for my kids, but it certainly isn't a fairytale, and Melissa Stanton GETS IT. The good days are SO GOOD, and on the not-so-good days, I can pull out this book and remember that I am not alone. Finally, I feel connected, understood and supported. Thank you, Melissa, for being totally unapologetic and unflinching in your book - it's honest and real.

I love this book! I just got it and am still reading through it but I really love the way Stanton writes. Very natural, candid, anecdotal and entertaining yet getting some wonderful points across that will help so many of us moms cope with the day to day challenges and joys of parenting. I found myself nodding my head in agreement at so many of the observations she shares. This is a real world book for real world moms. I am going to bring this with me on vacation to share with my girlfriends who are fellow moms- lots of great conversation starters and wonderful coping strategies we can all use.

This book is a must-read for all women who are either considering staying home with their kids or who have been doing it for years. It is encouraging and honest without being condescending. I love staying home with my kids but it's frustrating that when I complain about something in my day it means that I don't love my kids, or that I made the wrong decision. Ms. Stanton gets that and it made me feel great about myself and the decision I've been lucky enough to make. And it's ok to not always feel thrilled to play Candy Land with a cheating toddler...It's the big picture that matters!

I read this book a few months ago and was so, so, so happy to have found it. I could so relate to the author and the other stay-at-home moms in the book. I'm glad to be a stay-at-home mom (I have two preschoolers) but I do miss having a career and a life separate from my kids and home. I do miss the "old me." I now have SAH friends who feel the same but it took a while for us all to be honest with one another. No one wants to be seen as complaining, and no one wants to look as if they don't love their kids. I just bought the book here on amazon for a friend who has been laid off and is now going to be a stay-at-home mom to her two, at least for a while. I saw the one bad review posted here and just want to say that this book wasn't intended for moms like that reader. The author says very clearly on one of the first pages that the book isn't for women who are blissfully happy being stay-at-home moms and never have doubts or frustrations about being full-time child care providers or having left the workforce to care for children. What I loved about this book is that it acknowledges that while children are a blessing, and in today's economic times families like ours are fortunate to be able to live on one income, many SAH moms struggle with the role. I loved that the author and the moms she interviewed could be honest about their often mixed feelings about being 24/7 hands-on mothers. I feel that way. The book made me feel good, as a stay-at-home mom, and as the working mom I was and might be again. (Although as the author notes, I still work: I work as a mom.) Holier than thou comments from moms who are gung-ho to be home or stay in the workforce are hurtful not helpful. I also loved that the author doesn't play into the Mommy Wars. Women with children need to support one another not snipe at one another.

This author totally gets what it's like to be a stay at home mom, especially to little kids. I felt like she and the moms interviewed for the book totally understand what I'm going through. I love my three children, but sometimes I'd like a break from caring for them all day everyday with no help. The advice given is supportive, not demeaning. I learned a lot from the Money chapter. (And also the Sex chapter!) The chapter called Who's the Expert is also great. I agree with the author that being a stay at home mother is a job, even though people think stay at home moms don't "work." The back cover describes The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide as a "Support-Group-in-a-Book." It really is. I'm glad I found this book, which I first read about on a blog. It's a good gift for current or future stay at home moms.

This book has been instrumental in helping me adjust to being a SAHM. The advice is articulate and concrete. Chapters are organized according to specific issues so you can skip to the areas you are most interested in. I actually loved the book so much I read it cover-to-cover and then went back to review specifics. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is considering, or who is, a stay-at-home parent.

This is a fabulous must-read for all stay at home moms. You will relate with all of Melissa's joy and frustration simultaneously. While reading the book there were many moments where I felt understood for the ability to stay at home and parent my children as well as have a brain and think for myself. It is the toughest job that anyone could do and yet many women do it everyday without complaint. How does anybody do it? Melissa shows that it is alright to feel exhausted, complain, scream, cry and that you don't have to be perfect.

I went back and forth between buying this book and Dr. Laura's book about stay at home moms. I looked at both in the bookstore, and decided on this one because it's by a real stay at home mom (of three--like ME) who gave up a very good career to be a stay at home mom (like ME). It's nice that Dr. Laura is praising us, but she's not a stay at home mom. In fact, she's a millionaire superstar, which is great for her, but right now I now I'm feeling a bit jealous of woman who have it all (work, money, success, kids) that I think reading a book from a superstar millionairess will just make me feel worse about myself. I chose to hang instead with women living mommy madness like me. I experienced so many of the things the author of this book and the women who were interviewed for the book have experienced. Like other reviewers have said the book made me feel so much less alone and less bad about sometimes wishing I hadn't left my career and relative pre-being home freedom totally behind. I think Dr. Laura should read this book! I'm now sending a copy of it to a stay at home friend who bought the Dr. Laura book. She wanted to borrow my Stay at Home Survival Guide but I'm not giving it up.