Staying Connected While Letting Go: Alzheimer's--The Caregiver's Paradox [Paperback]

Sandy Braff (Author), Mary Rose Olenik (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 7, 2005

This timely book, laced with poignant stories, focuses on the emotional impact of this disease on the caregivers and offers specific coping strategies they can use to keep them emotionally sane in this chaotic time.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In their unflagging dedication to caregiving, spouses of an Alzheimer's patient often neglect their own emotional needs, say the authors of this compassionate volume. Braff, a therapist, and Olenik, formerly a research associate in an N.I.H.-funded study of Alzheimer's caregivers, chart the course of the disease from the caregivers' perspective, gathering stories of how they coped with the diagnosis, the painful progression and finally, their spouse's death. It is these stories that form the backbone of this book. Just as members of a support group share tales of grappling with fear, stress and isolation, so do the voices in this volume: Carolyn mourns the loss of meaningful conversation with her husband; Al misses the physical intimacy; Mamie comes to terms with the fact that her husband no longer recognizes her. The authors eschew direct advice in favor of vignettes that model, they hope, healthy ways of coping. This may frustrate some looking for concrete actions to take, phone numbers to call or other resources to peruse; the overwritten commentary, too, might grate (e.g. the authors want to "clip the wings of and enfeeble the predatory emotional effects" of the disease). But Braff and Olenik care deeply about their subject, and their book will help people struggling with a failing spouse feel part of a large and strong community.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Publisher

When you’re living with a loved one who is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease you must be able to survive one emotional upheaval after another. What is most important during this difficult time is that you not only survive the physical demands placed on you as the primary caregiver, but that you learn to cope effectively with the emotional turmoil and preserve the quality of your own life in the process. Caregivers have been known to put their own lives on hold and become entirely devoted to caregiving—making this difficult role even harder, and often compromising their own health. This needn’t happen.

The caregivers you will meet in this book, with whom you have much in common, have learned how to deal with the frustration, anger, and grief that come naturally to any person in this role. Through their poignant stories and personal experiences you will find the strength that you need to care for your loved one while remaining emotionally committed as the mutuality of your partnership fades. Loving and nurturing while letting go is the paradox of Alzheimer’s caregiving.

You can learn from the caregivers in this book what you need to do to create a satisfying life that meshes with your role as caregiver. You will ultimately be able to make the right decisions and minimize the chaos that can overwhelm you.

During their many years working with caregivers in both counseling and research settings, Sandy Braff and Mary Rose Olenik have been profoundly impressed with their courage, compassion, and resilience in living with this paradox of staying connected while letting go. They thought that there was no better way to help others than through sharing these inspiring stories accompanied by strategies for understanding and coping with the emotional conundrums of Alzheimer’s.

With this book at your side you will have the tools you need to manage the stressors of your changing and challenging world. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: M.Evans & Company (February 7, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590770684
• ISBN-13: 978-1590770689
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #981,841 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars From the voices of caregivers................, February 12, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Staying Connected While Letting Go: The Paradox of Alzheimer's Caregiving (Hardcover)

Over the four years during which my brother and sister and I arranged for, and provided, care for our mother, I experienced the soul numbing range of horrors that Alzheimer's disease visits on both its victims and their caregivers.

* The disbelief that my mother could possibly forget that she had asked me the same question three times in 10 minutes, followed by the self-hatred at my anger and lack of understanding.
* The feelings of helplessness and confusion that accompanied our struggles to figure out what would be best for her, and the absence of definitive answers from the medical community.
* The deluded belief at each particular phase of her illness that things couldn't possibly get any worse, only to watch the next descent destroy more of who she was.
* The heartbreaking relief when she smiled at me in recognition when I arrived to visit.
* The innumerable times that I had to pull my car to the curb as I returned home because I was sobbing so deeply that I could no longer see the road.
* And, most of all, the overwhelmingly empty feeling of isolation and solitude.

Now, I watch from a distance as my cousins endure the same horrors in caring for my mother's brother. But they have a reaffirming guide that was unavailable to us. I sent them a copy of Staying Connected While Letting Go.

In our high tech world, we often forget the importance of the individual human story in passing along culture, history, knowledge, and simple wisdom. But to me, the highest value of the human story is to trigger in the listener, or reader, a sense of shared humanity. Recognizing one's own experiences in the story of another person shatters one's sense of isolation. This is the genius of Staying Connected While Letting Go.

Ms. Olenik and Ms. Braff have structured their book around the stories of caregivers, who describe their experiences with their loved ones at successive phases of the illness. Neither the caregivers nor the authors try to sanitize what is frequently the unpleasant reality of facing and reacting to the confusing and disturbing behaviors that can accompany Alzheimer's. As a result, the book has a credibility that will strengthen its appeal to caregivers, while sharing the coping mechanisms of the caregiving community to which they belong.

It's extraordinarily rare to find a book that has such enormous potential to help people who desperately need a sense of community. The authors deserve our thanks!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent guide, January 29, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Staying Connected While Letting Go: The Paradox of Alzheimer's Caregiving (Hardcover)

In the family crisis of Alzheimer's, often it is the caregiver who is forgotten. This sensitively-written and compassionate book helps those in this situation cope with things - from the micro to the macro. I highly recommend it, for professionals who are helping the patients and their families, and for the families themselves. Two thumbs up to the authors for a fine piece of work.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A fabulous book!, February 2, 2003

By 

YVONNE - a caregiver for 15 years (San Diego, CA, United States) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Staying Connected While Letting Go: The Paradox of Alzheimer's Caregiving (Hardcover)

As a long time caregiver, I wanted to thank you so much for the gift of your wonderful book. It's a continuous support group for Alzheimer's caregivers. There were so many stories and situations I related to, since I experienced some of the same events over time. Having participated in a support group for caregivers for 15 years, I found the book to show great understanding and empathy of caregivers, and to be a real acknowledgement of all the caregivers I have known and learned with over the past 15 years. It's a great resource and will be a wonderful help to all who read it!!

Yvonne - a caregiver for 15 years.