Customer Reviews

Staying Ok. Amy Bjork Harris and Thomas A. Harris

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
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This out-of-print book is the best of self-help books, making transactional analysis accessible to the lay reader. Because of the TA jargon, many people missed it's wonderful explanations of how and why we behave in the ways we do, and how to change. TA offers a wellness model, not an illness model, and Amy Bjork Harris outlines for us HOW to use the underlying principles of it to effect immediate changes and live an "I'm OK You're OK" life. There is no need for anyone to be remain "stuck" or in bad relationships with this book as a guide for his or her life! I'm torn between buying every used copy available to give for gifts, and leaving some for others to serendipitously discover this jewel!

Ch. 1: If I'm OK & You're OK, How Come I Don't Feel OK? Explanation what the phrase really means (drawback to the phrase having become popular is that average Joe misinterprets the meaning), 4 life positions of OK-ness, Parent Adult Child, Facts About Feelings (every person is unique, feelings are real). In other words, T.A. basics in an easy to read form.

Ch. 2: You Can Be OK If. Message most parents give is that "OK" status is conditional upon performance in certain ways they dictate ("injunctions"), Don't messages (more powerful than "do" messages), conflicting double messages (see uploaded photo: 6 sources of Parent data), examining our parents' P-A-C, messages that are un/happy from parents.

Ch. 3: The Internal Dialogue. Nature of our recorded internal talking, how to dissect an interaction by drawing pictures of it so you can understand what's happening (see uploaded photos: complimentary transactions, crossed transactions, discounting transactions), Good Guys (think passive aggressive person who says yes, but didn't really want to, so feels like a Victim, so anger comes out sideways and everyone ends up paying for it in the end).

Ch. 4: Handle Feelings Through Trackdown. How to figure out what in current situation that bothers me that is related to a Parent recording via 7 step trackdown process: (1) I hurt, (2) Which part of me hurts?, (3) What word best describes my hurt?, (4) What happened, in recent present, to trigger this feeling?, (5) What is you Parent saying to you & how is your Child responding?, (6) What can I do differently now?, (7) What can I do differently next time?. Discovering Parent messages, two trackdown examples.

Ch. 5: Defuse Your Confusion. Confusion in external world/ internal world/ garden variety confusion. Ineffective ways of handling confusion: withdraw, postpone, speed up, passivity. Effective ways of handling confusion: think, talk, ask for clarification, write, go to experts for more data, practice precision, make certain big decisions that will make a lot of little daily repetitive decisions unnecessary, accept uncertainty.

The remaining chapter headings are: (6) Adult vs. Parent Protection, (7) Parent Stoppers (emergency defensive strategies when lose Adult), (8) Stroking (how to get the good stuff from life & people), (9) What Do You Want?, (10) Requirements For Change, (11) Keeping People (a chapter about how to be happy you need effective relationships, how to keep them, and featuring several pages on the Karpman drama triangle aka manipulation/drama hooks), (12) Parent Shrinkers (how to reduce negative internal Parent messages/ injunctions), (13) Take Charge of Your Time, (14) Building Children, and (15) Knowing & Daring.

I've read about 8 books and 40 websites on T.A. (= Transactional Analysis) and the Karpman drama triangle in the last year. This book is an easy read. It's written at the high school level, offers a basic T.A. foundation (for those unfamiliar) and yet not so lingering on the basics as to be tedious to the more experienced, does not overly rely on T.A. jargon, and offers a LOT of really good examples and diagrams (see photos) to illustrate the concepts. I'd say it ranges from introductory to medium level material. (IMHO, way more layperson friendly than Berne himself.) These writers aren't just smart about T.A., they're reasonably good WRITERS as well, especially for non-clinicians.

One unique aspect to this book in particular is that it is quite strong on the How To Improve Your Life using T.A. basics. That is NOT common a common element in T.A. literature; they don't usually tell you WHAT to do with the ideas or exactly HOW to apply them to your situation. This is an unusually self-help type of book for T.A. and I'd say it does so rather effectively. When I reduce my T.A. book collection from 8 to 3, this will be one of the 3 because of that (and it's ease of reading for non-psychology-majors).

It's also hard to find many books (not websites but printed books) with much meat about the Karpman drama triangle (Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim, manipulation, how to not get hooked). While some books describe games (Games People Play, Games Alcoholics Play) and scripts (Scripts People Live) in detail, I can't particularly recommend them (unless you're a die-hard, T.A. loving, detail oriented person: but even then, perhaps borrow from the library first). THIS BOOK, however, has a LOT of meat and how-to on the drama triangle (manipulation) topic in specific. Since that's perhaps 75% of what trips people up in dysfuctional interactions, it's worthy of great detail (which this book does well).

I've read I'm Ok You're Ok and picked this up as a curiosity thinking how could the 'sequal' compare to the original blockbuster.
I was so impressed. This book has provided practical skills to use from a TA perspective that are SO helpful to me.
I am so very grateful to the authors for providing this book.
Admittedly there are sections that are less useful and I found fairly inert, but that is something any book will contain, and if a small amount is always forgivable.
The sections focusing on the internal dialogue were especially meaningful and helpful to me as were the parent stoppers techniques.
I suspect many people write this book (and its predecessor) off as being trite psycho-babble oversimplifications.
How very regrettable that is. And how very incorrect.
These books are like precious gems covered with the mud of misunderstanding.
I also recommend a site called hypnosisdownloads.com which has an mp3 about I'm Ok you're Ok which at 12.95$ is underpriced by at least 100%.
Best wishes to all.

Ch. 1: If I'm OK & You're OK, How Come I Don't Feel OK? Explanation what the phrase really means (drawback to the phrase having become popular is that average Joe misinterprets the meaning), 4 life positions of OK-ness, Parent Adult Child, Facts About Feelings (every person is unique, feelings are real). In other words, T.A. basics in an easy to read form.

Ch. 2: You Can Be OK If. Message most parents give is that "OK" status is conditional upon performance in certain ways they dictate ("injunctions"), Don't messages (more powerful than "do" messages), conflicting double messages (see uploaded photo: 6 sources of Parent data), examining our parents' P-A-C, messages that are un/happy from parents.

Ch. 3: The Internal Dialogue. Nature of our recorded internal talking, how to dissect an interaction by drawing pictures of it so you can understand what's happening (see uploaded photos: complimentary transactions, crossed transactions, discounting transactions), Good Guys (think passive aggressive person who says yes, but didn't really want to, so feels like a Victim, so anger comes out sideways and everyone ends up paying for it in the end).

Ch. 4: Handle Feelings Through Trackdown. How to figure out what in current situation that bothers me that is related to a Parent recording via 7 step trackdown process: (1) I hurt, (2) Which part of me hurts?, (3) What word best describes my hurt?, (4) What happened, in recent present, to trigger this feeling?, (5) What is you Parent saying to you & how is your Child responding?, (6) What can I do differently now?, (7) What can I do differently next time?. Discovering Parent messages, two trackdown examples.

Ch. 5: Defuse Your Confusion. Confusion in external world/ internal world/ garden variety confusion. Ineffective ways of handling confusion: withdraw, postpone, speed up, passivity. Effective ways of handling confusion: think, talk, ask for clarification, write, go to experts for more data, practice precision, make certain big decisions that will make a lot of little daily repetitive decisions unnecessary, accept uncertainty.

The remaining chapter headings are: (6) Adult vs. Parent Protection, (7) Parent Stoppers (emergency defensive strategies when lose Adult), (8) Stroking (how to get the good stuff from life & people), (9) What Do You Want?, (10) Requirements For Change, (11) Keeping People (a chapter about how to be happy you need effective relationships, how to keep them, and featuring several pages on the Karpman drama triangle aka manipulation/drama hooks), (12) Parent Shrinkers (how to reduce negative internal Parent messages/ injunctions), (13) Take Charge of Your Time, (14) Building Children, and (15) Knowing & Daring.

I've read about 8 books and 40 websites on T.A. (= Transactional Analysis) and the Karpman drama triangle in the last year. This book is an easy read. It's written at the high school level, offers a basic T.A. foundation (for those unfamiliar) and yet not so lingering on the basics as to be tedious to the more experienced, does not overly rely on T.A. jargon, and offers a LOT of really good examples and diagrams (see photos) to illustrate the concepts. I'd say it ranges from introductory to medium level material. (IMHO, way more layperson friendly than Berne himself.) These writers aren't just smart about T.A., they're reasonably good WRITERS as well, especially for non-clinicians.

One unique aspect to this book in particular is that it is quite strong on the How To Improve Your Life using T.A. basics. That is NOT common a common element in T.A. literature; they don't usually tell you WHAT to do with the ideas or exactly HOW to apply them to your situation. This is an unusually self-help type of book for T.A. and I'd say it does so rather effectively. When I reduce my T.A. book collection from 8 to 3, this will be one of the 3 because of that (and it's ease of reading for non-psychology-majors).

It's also hard to find many books (not websites but printed books) with much meat about the Karpman drama triangle (Persecutor, Rescuer, Victim, manipulation, how to not get hooked). While some books describe games (Games People Play, Games Alcoholics Play) and scripts (Scripts People Live) in detail, I can't particularly recommend them (unless you're a die-hard, T.A. loving, detail oriented person: but even then, perhaps borrow from the library first). THIS BOOK, however, has a LOT of meat and how-to on the drama triangle (manipulation) topic in specific. Since that's perhaps 75% of what trips people up in dysfuctional interactions, it's worthy of great detail (which this book does well).

This is the second part of the book I'm OK--You're OK which discuss about Transactional Analysis (TA) theory introduced by Dr. Eric Berne. A background knowledge of Parent, Adult, Child (PAC) and their transactions as discussed in the first volume would help much in understanding and enjoying this book.
I had purchased both books on Sep.2010, but never had the chance to read, until I received them from a great friend, on Feb 2011.! It was a memorable study.!
- Ramin Shamshiri