Customer Reviews

Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart

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4 star:		(2)
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Stephen Judah offers sincere, easy to understand, practical advice for both partners to lean on in handling the disclosure of an affair. I went to the library to find resources to help me understand my confusion and pain when my husband's affair was revealed to me. I came home with 7 books. Only "Staying Together" made sense to me. He clearly defined my hurt and expressed my outrage in words that helped me take the edge off. He led me to understand the grief and process of steps that many, many couples have been through with rewarding results. The best feeling I came away with after reading Staying Together is that it is worth the journey to heal, to stay in the life the two of you have built together, to eventually be in a more fulfilling partnership. I have only read it twice, but am starting it again. There is so much to glean from each chapter. Thank you, Dr. Judah.

I heard about this book while listening to a Christian Radio program (Family Life Today). I was so impressed with the interview of the author that I ordered the book for my wife's Christian counseling practice. This is a good book for anyone, Christians and non-Christians alike, professional counselors, ministers, and the general population. It is an excellent resource book with great spiritual and secular insights. I recommend it for married and non-married persons. It is now a part to the business library and when be checked out by many people.

Excellent and comprehensive. Explored all issues related to infidelity with rational ways to deal/think about them. Very helpful, and even encouraging when feeling like things were hopeless. "We" are currently doing well as we work through this heartbreaking experience.

I have read a ton of books on affairs and this one has been the most comprehensive and clear about pulling it all together (examination of individual and relationship factors, plus process for recovery as a couple). It has been a huge relief to find this book after many months of frustration and reading other books that contain information on certain aspects of affairs and recovery but don't pull all of it together into one helpful, cohesive format.

I purchased this book in response to an affair. I was the "spouse in the dark". I used this book as a baseline to help recover from the devastation. Dr. Judah wrote this book using a combination of clinical review and religious belief. As explained in other reviews Dr. Judah uses the example of climbing a mountain, which is a good comparison to recovering from an affair.
I believe that without having purchased this book, that recovery may have been impossible. This book is an excellent blue print for couples who wish to stay together and rebuild their relationship / marriage.
In a word -Thanks- Mike.

Judah, Stephen M., Ph.D., Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart, IVP Books. Downers Grove, Il. 2006

Holeman, Virginia Todd, Ph.D., Reconcilable Differences, IVP Books, Downers Grove, Il., 2004

Here are two excellent resources for those of us working with marital couples when one party has had an affair. Stephen Judah quotes the research summary of nine studies that suggest affairs occur more frequently than believed. 50% of all married couples may experience infidelity over the course of their marriage. When couples cohabit, the rates are even higher.

Judah looks at the three types of affairs: 1.) Sexual, 2.)Non-penetrating, i.e., no sexual intercourse, and 3.)Affairs of the heart. He notes that even though affairs all differ, they are very much the same when it comes to the impact on the spouse.

He discusses at length what he considers to be the main causes of affairs, how they develop over time, the conditions that lead up to an affair, and then what causes someone to cross the line into an active affair.
But the major part of the book looks at the healing process couples He begins with a discussion on what to tell and how, then how the process of reconciliation takes place, the correction of the issues that led to the affair, and how to go beyond the pain to see not only the positives still in the marriage, and be able to envision a future beyond the pain.

Virginia Holman's books looks at affairs, but goes beyond that subject to deal with other damaging issues that occur in a marriage, what she calls marriages at the crossroads. She talks about our need to grow up on the inside as we grow together as a couple.

A major portion of Holman's book looks at seeking and extending forgiveness, how we rebuild trust, and build a new future together. Reconciliation is a major theme of her book, and she uses case studies to show the practical applications of what she is describing.

Both authors speak from the perspective of private practice, so what they have written is valuable to the marital counselor, but both are also written in a style that will be helpful to the couple being counseled. They both do an excellent job of weaving together biblical insight with current psychological studies. Holman is now the professor of counseling at Asbury Theological Seminary.

Final Note: Telephone and Online Counseling may be a great way to help struggling couples. Learn to Provide Telephone and Online Counseling with this book: The Therapist's Clinical Guide to Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling: The Definitive Training Guide for Clinical Practice

This book was pretty good, it makes alot of references to 'Not"Just Friends"' by Shirley Glass, which is a very good book on the topic. Staying Together relates the affair and recovery process to climbing a mountain, which is a great idea, and made it much easier for my husband to read. Most books on this particular topic are a bit clinical and can be hard to get through. This one is almost a quick read, good info without being too deep.