Customer Reviews

Step-By Step-Parenting: A Guide to Successful Living With a Blended Family

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Please note to anyone, who like myself, is researching a proper book to buy on step parenting, that the reviewer, Mr. Gerlach, has written the same criticism for many books offered by Amazon and is, I believe, promoting himself.

I have not read this book but was tired of seeing this roving negative advertisement.

Let me save you some time and money. The first few chapters I found to be slow and roughly written. I don't feel that the information flowed together. It felt more like reading a rough draft.This is probably the worst book I've read so far concerning blended families. By the time I reached chapters 10 & 11 I had to put this book down. The author was beginning to offend me. Let me quote some of his passages.
In one section called "stepfather and stepchilren" the author is talking about the living situation and says, "in turn the stepfather will live in the same household as his stepchildren and he will be there when they wake in the morning and to hear their grumbling every night." Grumbling? That sounds negative to me. Almost as if his stepchildren are annoying him. Then under his section giving stepfather's "basic tips" he says that, ex-wives usually discuss thier former marital problems with the new fiance. He suggests the stepfather-to be listen intently and hear all the facts. Okay, sounds harmless enough. But then he goes on to suggest that the stepfather (or stepfather -to be)ask her friends about her former marriage. He then goes on to say that many men have been led down the isle under false pretenses. He feels that if the former marriage included fights about the children it's safe to assume she hasn't changed any. He says to get her side of the story and based on what he is told if he thinks the former husband (the children's natural father) was right,(right about what I don't know. He never clarifies that one) then not to expect her to change just because she's remarrying. Now in his section titled, "advice for the stepfather's wife" I was a little taken back by what he writes. Or maybe a better term would be "offended" by what he writes. He says that "when a natural father does not live in the home with the children it's important that the household not be dominated by the mother. A boy needs a male figure to emulate. If the mother dominates, the son will likely be dominated by his wife when he grows up and marries." In another section he goes on to say that before a women marries she needs to consider her finances. Remarrying could mean losing her alimony and she shouldn't blame her new husband for her reduced finances. He says that it's possible that the wife to be may want to continue enjoying her "more- than- adequate child support payments" instead of getting married. What kind of garbage is that?
I think this is one bitter man who may have been bitten by marrying a women with children and it didn't work. So automaticly it's the womans fault. At least that's what it seems like to me. He minimizes the role of mother and stepmother, and I find that offensive. If you like this kind of advice, than by all means buy the book. But if you're like me and agree that the household is run by BOTH adults,and where BOTH adults are equal in authority, then forget reading this one. There are far better books on the subject.

Anything that can help step families merge and get along are worthwhile. Great for reading and donation to a public library. Price competitive, easy to order/deliver, no complaints.

I picked up this book because I am recently married, and wanted to start on the right foot with my wife's daughter. I picked this book up at the bookstore because I wanted to leaf through their offerings and find the book that seemed to best cover the situation of the death of one of the childs natural parents rather than divorce being the cause of a blended family. While this book doesn't address that very well, in my looking through books, it seemed to do a better job than the other books they had at the store.

At points it is a bit difficult to take seriously. A lot of it seems bent to the woman being the step-parent, despite repeated assertions that the mother is the most likely to be given custody in a divorce resulting in a step-father needing to learn to integrate into the family. While the author often invokes the gender neutral "parent", almost as often "mother" is slipped in as well sometimes even in the same sentence referring to someone first as a parent then as a mother. Very rarely "father" is used. Nearly every example is a child visiting their real father and how the step-mother reacts.

Probably the worst is a whole chapter devoted to "Surviving the Weekend" because "... the majority of weekend stepparents are stepmothers.". There is nothing about surviving the weekday for this alleged "majority" of step-fathers that have to deal with the children the rest of the time.

Overall, there are many fine books on blended families, I would highly recommend looking at one of them before "Step-By Step-Parenting".

Step-By Step-Parenting: A Guide to Successful Living With a Blended Family

Book came in good condition and arrived almost a week sooner then expected. Very satisfied with the service, thank you.

Lorita Atwell

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend "Step-by-Stepparenting..." to readers who want a readable, realistic introduction to typical stepfamily uncertainties and problems. I do not recommend it to readers seeking to avoid or resolve the core problems that cause widespread stepfamily discontent and re/divorce in our country.

The many vignettes author Eckler provides are representative, relevant, and instructive. However, the book omits explanation of and recommendations for mastering four core hazards that (I believe) every co-parent ands supporter must understand:

1) Keystone: why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce);

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) specific stepfamily realities and implications. And...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my experience, these factors will often block the best-intentioned adults from following well-meant co-parenting advice like this book provides. If ignored, the four factors inexorably promote (a) choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time, and (b) subsequent escalating stresses and potential re/divorce. Awareness, acceptance, and discussion can reduce the first three stressors, and help co-parents to achieve the high-nurturance stepfamilies they long for.

For more perspective on this review, see:

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