Customer Reviews

Stepfamily Problems: How to Solve Them

5 star:		(2)
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I was enjoying this book. I liked its unique focus - that of the resentments that all members of a stepfamily have and how they undermine the successful functioning of the new family unit. However, when the authors were discussing the essential components of a good marriage and wrote that the woman has to be ready to "submit (or adapt herself)" to her husband, I got a really sour taste in my mouth. After that, knowing that the book was based on this traditional, conservative interpretation of Christian beliefs vastly reduced my confidence that this book was going to have anything useful for me and my new family. I think the use of Christian values is fine - traditional or contemporary, if that's what you're looking for. However, this perspective should be prominently listed on the book as it is a major assumption and is a value that a large number of people today do not necessarily share.

My husband and I have been reading this book together. It has given us so much good information not only how to work on situations with our blended family, but WHY these different situations come up. The authors use a lot of examples used from their own practice and most of the situations we are dealing with are covered in this book - which is a huge help! It has really helped us to look at things from a different perspective - especially that of our children and we are encouraged that we can have a very successful blended family!

Feeling quite at sea in my new blended family, I recently purchased half a dozen books on step parenting and step mothering. This book was the first I read and also turned out to be the *best* of the bunch. It provided me with timely and valuable perspective in a new maze of complicated relationships. If you are looking for a book that will give you the tools to build a stronger marriage with your mate and a happier (blended) family life all around, I strongly recommend this book.

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books similar to this one.

"Stepfamily Problems..." is well organized, well illustrated, well intentioned, and "reader friendly." The small page size and print makes it difficult to read, and the lack of an index makes it hard to locate specific information.

I recommend this book to readers who want a readable introduction to some common *surface* stepfamily problems. I do not recommend this book to any student, co-parent, or family professional seeking to understand and resolve four core problems that stress most average stepfamilies:

1) how to assess and reduce partners' psychological wounds from childhood;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;

3) co-parents' unawareness of (A) themselves, and (B) five basic topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) high-nurturance families and relationships; (c) effective communication skills; (d) healthy 3-level grief; and (e) stepfamily realities and norms. And this book ignores...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, informed counseling, co-parent support classes and groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my experience, these factors combine to block typical mature, motivated, loving partners from following well-meant relationship advice in books like this one. The factors promote choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time - and potential re/divorce. Awareness and honest discussion of these four factors promotes fruitful re/marriage choices and satisfying relationships!

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