Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked, Revised Edition [Paperback]

Cherie Burns (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 25, 2001

If you’re one of the more than 15 million stepmothers in the country, you know the particular trials—and joys—of stepfamily dynamics today. You wonder if you’re doing the right thing and, as a stepmother, many of your specific questions are unique. In this second edition of Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without
Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked, journalist and stepmother Cherie Burns brings together countless insights and sound advice, based on the latest research and interviews with experts in the field (including dozens of other stepmoms), to answer questions such as:

• How do you manage discipline when parents and stepparents disagree?
• How can you help stepsiblings get along?
• How do you handle birthdays, holidays, and weddings?
• What’s the best way to get along with your stepchild’s mother?
• When should you seek a therapist’s help?

Burns’s wise and empathetic suggestions go beyond struggle, stigma, and compromise, showing how sensitive, informed stepmothers can take charge—and pride—in their role, becoming more effective and fulfilled.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The role of stepmother has long been maligned--just think of Cinderella's or Snow White's stepmothers. Since 1985 when Cheri Burns published this funny, helpful book, stepmothers have felt relieved and no longer so alone. Burns, a stepmother herself, wrote the book to help fellow travelers understand the dynamics and conflicts of their role and navigate the stormy waters of "Expectations," "Guilt," "The Wicked Ex-Wife," "Discipline," "Vacations," and more. Stepmotherhood remains a vital guide for any woman who is either contemplating stepmotherhood or who is already there. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Burns's aim is to ``reexamine and to shed new light on stepmothering and its modern dimensions.'' She bases her book on interviews with ``more than forty stepmothers'' and desires to assist the stepmother reader in putting ``herself and her experience into focus by understanding stepmothering's peculiar chemistry and inherent obstacles.'' Such topics as visits, holidays, family gatherings, financial obligations, and problem stepchildren are covered. Commonsense advice, informal tone, and touching anecdotes will make the book popular with its intended audience. For public libraries. Susan McBride, Northeast Texas Comm. Coll. LRC, Mt. Pleasant
Copyright 1985 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; Revised edition (September 25, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0609807447
• ISBN-13: 978-0609807446
• Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.6 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (42 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #155,558 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #31 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Stepparenting & Blended Families

More About the Author

Cherie Burns is author of the upcoming biography of Standard Oil heiress and fashion icon Millicent Rogers. Searching for Beauty-The Life of Millicent Rogers will be published by St. Martin's Press on September 13, 2011.
The author's previous book, The Great Hurricane: 1938, was published by Grove/Atlantic (2005) in soft and hardcover. Jonathan Yardley of The Washington Post wrote: "Her own very good book is sure to help keep the terrible storm in its proper place in New England's memory..", and Liz Smith wrote in her column in The Daily News that the book was "A must if you care about brilliant reporting..." "Before there was the Perfect Storm, there was the Great Hurricane of 1938. Cherie Burns's new book is not only a riveting and wonderfully written account of one of the worst storms of the century, it is a marvelous portrait of an era and a region. A must for all New Englanders and lovers of the sea," said National Book Award winner Nathaniel Philbrick, author of In the Heart of the Sea and Sea of Glory.
Burns's first book, Stepmotherhood--How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out or Wicked (Times Books) has been reprinted by HarperCollins and Three Rivers and has sold over 40,000 copies in the U.S., England and Germany. It has remained in print for 20 years. Ms. Burns' work has also appeared in The New York Times Magazine, People, Glamour, New York, Sports Illustrated, Constitution and other publications. She currently lives in Taos, New Mexico. See more about the author and the above titles at www.cherieburns.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

118 of 122 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Not the best book in its category, December 2, 1999

By 

Megan J. Wilson (Glendale, CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked (Paperback)

I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend and his young son in a few weeks, and I ordered "Stepmotherhood" and "The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role" to give me a little preparation for what I should expect. I found that "The Enlightened Stepmother..." gave a much more thorough discussion on the difficulties of stepparenting as well as giving creative and helpful tips on getting through the hard times, whereas this book emphasized the negative aspects of the situation you might be facing. "Stepmotherhood" gave very few suggestions of how to deal with individual problems that might come up, and didn't seem to have been researched half as thoroughly as "The Enlightened Stepmother..." whose authors interviewed hundreds of stepmothers from all walks of life for help with their material, in addition to being stepmothers themselves. If you're looking for one book to both support you in the hard times and give you directions to the good times, I'd thoroughly recommend "The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role," but I'm going to return this book.

45 of 46 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I am normal!, February 24, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked (Paperback)

I read this 'self-help' book as something of a last resort. I am a stepmother of two young boys on an every other weekend basis and have been finding it unbelievably hard. The most helpful thing about this book is that it really is down to earth and honest - and refreshingly un-p.c. It explained a lot of the feelings I have been experiencing over the last year or so and by making me realise that I am not alone, and that my feelings, however negative or ugly, are 'normal' in that they are experienced by lots and lots of other women in my position, helped me immeasurably. A previous reviewer commented that it was too negative, but I think that it depends what stage you are at and how hard you are finding everything. I read another book straight afterwards which, while also helpful, was too upbeat for me, had too much emphasis on the children and on how I should be behaving, which only adds to the sense of guilt and failure that I have. 'Stepmotherhood' really uplifted me and made me feel a lot better about myself - now perhaps I can build on that and be ready for the do-gooders in a little while. I have persuaded my partner to read it too! Thankyou Cherie!

39 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Better books are out there, January 8, 2005

By 

L. Shannon (Finland) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked (Paperback)

I bought this book at the same time as Sue Thoele's The Courage to be a Stepmom, and I would recommend Sue Thoele's book over this one by a long shot. While both books are honest and straightforward, "Stepmotherhood" falls into a pattern of listing horrible stepfamily situations (I mean, are ALL ex-wives really screaming lunatics? That hasn't been my experience), then revealing that a combination of realistic expectations and open communications can help address the situation. While this is true and undoubtedly useful to know, that's about as far as this book goes. A better subtitle for the book might be: "Stepmotherhood: Worst-Case Scenarios Galore". In contrast, Sue Thoele takes the need for open communication and low expectations as her starting point, then delves deeply into HOW to accomplish these difficult tasks, with a great deal of emotional realism and insight. I found myself turning to my partner and discussing points Sue Thoele had brought up on almost every other page, discussions that helped the two of us establish exactly the open communications that both authors recommend. Burns' book didn't inspire any such discussions between us. It all depends on what you're after, but if you want a real-world toolkit for how to swim in the waters of stepmotherhood without getting devoured by entirely avoidable sharks, I recommend popping Sue Thoele's name into your Amazon search engine.