Customer Reviews

Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked, Revised Edition

5 star:		(23)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend and his young son in a few weeks, and I ordered "Stepmotherhood" and "The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role" to give me a little preparation for what I should expect. I found that "The Enlightened Stepmother..." gave a much more thorough discussion on the difficulties of stepparenting as well as giving creative and helpful tips on getting through the hard times, whereas this book emphasized the negative aspects of the situation you might be facing. "Stepmotherhood" gave very few suggestions of how to deal with individual problems that might come up, and didn't seem to have been researched half as thoroughly as "The Enlightened Stepmother..." whose authors interviewed hundreds of stepmothers from all walks of life for help with their material, in addition to being stepmothers themselves. If you're looking for one book to both support you in the hard times and give you directions to the good times, I'd thoroughly recommend "The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role," but I'm going to return this book.

I read this 'self-help' book as something of a last resort. I am a stepmother of two young boys on an every other weekend basis and have been finding it unbelievably hard. The most helpful thing about this book is that it really is down to earth and honest - and refreshingly un-p.c. It explained a lot of the feelings I have been experiencing over the last year or so and by making me realise that I am not alone, and that my feelings, however negative or ugly, are 'normal' in that they are experienced by lots and lots of other women in my position, helped me immeasurably. A previous reviewer commented that it was too negative, but I think that it depends what stage you are at and how hard you are finding everything. I read another book straight afterwards which, while also helpful, was too upbeat for me, had too much emphasis on the children and on how I should be behaving, which only adds to the sense of guilt and failure that I have. 'Stepmotherhood' really uplifted me and made me feel a lot better about myself - now perhaps I can build on that and be ready for the do-gooders in a little while. I have persuaded my partner to read it too! Thankyou Cherie!

I bought this book at the same time as Sue Thoele's The Courage to be a Stepmom, and I would recommend Sue Thoele's book over this one by a long shot. While both books are honest and straightforward, "Stepmotherhood" falls into a pattern of listing horrible stepfamily situations (I mean, are ALL ex-wives really screaming lunatics? That hasn't been my experience), then revealing that a combination of realistic expectations and open communications can help address the situation. While this is true and undoubtedly useful to know, that's about as far as this book goes. A better subtitle for the book might be: "Stepmotherhood: Worst-Case Scenarios Galore". In contrast, Sue Thoele takes the need for open communication and low expectations as her starting point, then delves deeply into HOW to accomplish these difficult tasks, with a great deal of emotional realism and insight. I found myself turning to my partner and discussing points Sue Thoele had brought up on almost every other page, discussions that helped the two of us establish exactly the open communications that both authors recommend. Burns' book didn't inspire any such discussions between us. It all depends on what you're after, but if you want a real-world toolkit for how to swim in the waters of stepmotherhood without getting devoured by entirely avoidable sharks, I recommend popping Sue Thoele's name into your Amazon search engine.

Yes, this book may come across as negative, but it is realistic. Being a stepmom is tough and tougher still when you go into it with rose colored glasses and the belief that it will all be wonderful. It isn't. Cherie is honest in her assessment of the stepmom experience for most women who find themselves inheriting children who view them as the sole reason their parents aren't getting back together-- Even when their mother has been remarried for years and their parents were never happy. This book helped me focus on the positives of my life as a stepmom by working through the negative. While there were things I could not relate to (my skids were teens when I became their father's wife), the advice is clear, realistic and above all else honest.

As a woman who is in a serious relationship with a man with a 3-year-old child, this book was good for me to read. Though we're not married yet, this book still offered me helpful advice--just substitute the word "relationship" for "marriage", and "girlfriend/boyfriend/partner" for "wife/husband." It's relieving to know that I'm not the only woman who has the feelings I do about being involved with a man who has a child. The book offered many useful tips for dealing with the situation. One thing that I would have liked more of, though, was advice for women who have a true aversion to children (such as myself), so much so to the point of being extraordinarily uncomfortable when they are present. I would also have liked more advice on how to deal with the fact that your mate's children are the product of his union with another woman, as well as advice for women who do not plan to have children of their own. All in all, though, a helpful book that gave me good suggestions on strategies to deal with situations that arise in a relationship with a man with a child, and I feel better knowing that I'm not the only woman with the feelings I face--in fact, it's quite normal.

I would have to say, overall this book has some great info. Some of the context applied to stepmoms having full custody but not much. Which is my main dissappointment in several books. Some of the ideas, though, generally touch on the stepmoms feelings and frustrations and that I could relate. Just wish it helped more for stpmoms that have the kids full time.

I felt very normal after reading this book and have loaned it to a coworker who is also a stepmother. It was wonderful to know that the things that I think and don't say out loud are normal stepmother feelings (like regarding the ex - "How could such a sweet man have been married to someone so horrible?"). Having two stepsons and no children of my own, it was good to see that different family situations were addressed. Most books I have read assume that you have kids, he has kids, and you have kids together - which is not always the case. I would recommend this book to any new or current stepmother!

This book was an excellent overview for a new step-mom. It has delightful and poignant life-experiences from real step-moms and even biological fathers. Mostly, it lets you know that you are not alone in your feelings for your step-child, even if those feelings are negative. Allows you to see yourself as part of a community, rather than alone in the world and in this particular situation. Helps you to focus on what is important and advises you to let go of the rest. Excellent chapters on focusing on your marriage, how to handle vacations with the step-children, dealing with your husband's ex-wife, and when to get help. All in all, a very fine book.

As a "custodial stepmother" for the last four years, I am more able to look at my relationship with my stepson objectively. Reading Burns' booked helped me to realize that my feelings have been completely normal and that I've adjusted very well, given this complicated familial role. I agree with some of the other reviewers here that Burns doesn't give concrete suggestions about how to deal with particular situations but if you're looking for a book that gives an overview on the topic of stepmotherhood in very accessable language, this is it. My greatest criticism is that Burns briefly discusses custodial stepmotherhood but not in much detail. My guess is that times have changed considerably over the last fifteen years; there must be many more of us out there than she suggests. Also, being a stepmom really can be a little more enjoyable than Burn's might articulate.

Stepmotherhood is hard, scary and unrewarding sometimes. Burn's honest portrayal of what it is to be a stepmother, without the rose colored glasses, may be scary, but it is honest. This book made the bad seem less so and made me appreciate the good that I have in my stepfamily. Her wise words, honest situations and the real-life examples are the reality that any woman going into life as a stepmother needs to see.