Sticks and Stones: 7 Ways Your Child Can Deal with Teasing, Conflict, and Other Hard Times [Paperback]

Scott Cooper (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 29, 2000

Sticks and Stones helps parents teach kids how to speak up for themselves more assertively, gently, and effectively. Each chapter, based on the characteristics of a particular bird, uses a wealth of examples and imaginative exercises to give kids the confidence to speak truth to power.

This unique guide, beautifully illustrated with line drawings of each bird and informed by the author's gentle humor, will help kids be effective communicators and includes easy-to-follow exercises and sample scripts. Examples include:
Shut down bullies (The Way of the Blue Jay)
Overcome shyness (The Way of the Black Bird)
Counter peer pressure (The Way of the Hummingbird)
Resolve fights (The Way of the Dove)
Accept blame (The Way of the Crow)
And more

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Words can hurt. Any child who's been teased can tell you that. It takes an adult, though, to teach children how to defend themselves against those painful taunts. In Sticks and Stones, Scott Cooper, parent and former teacher and coach, wants to offer a "tool kit" of methods and exercises that are supposed to offer children ways to express themselves assertively, respond to blame and teasing, resolve conflicts, and talk confidently in social conversations--all while enhancing their communication skills and self-awareness. These are worthy and ambitious goals that Cooper complicates by mixing all sorts of metaphors into his method. Not only are these exercises supposed to form a tool kit, they are also supposed to correspond to "verbal judo" moves, which in turn are classified into different "ways" that correspond to different birds (Cooper happens to be an avid birdwatcher). The Way of the Blue Jay, for example, offers tools and verbal moves for "assertive self-expression," while the Way of the Crow teaches tricks that help children respond to blame. Get past the idiosyncratic labeling, however, and Cooper's exercises are sensible, practical, and self-explanatory. Want to teach your children how to accept criticism? Teach them how to say, "That's a good idea. I'll try better next time." --Sumi Hahn

Review

"A practical guide to help children be emotionally intelligent when their playmates are not."
--Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence

"A wonderful, fresh new addition to the field of parent education.  Creative, insightful, respectful, and practical in his approach, Scott Cooper creates colorful images that make the steps to effective communication easy to remember and follow."
--Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, author of Raising Your Spirited Child

"Scott Cooper gives parents ample doses of practical, easy-to-follow recipes to help children cope with relationship crises and change negative self-talk.  I highly recommend his common-sense approaches to fostering a sense of well-being and strength of character."
--Barbara C. Unell, author of Discipline Without Spanking or Shouting

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Three Rivers Press; 1 edition (February 29, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0812932404
• ISBN-13: 978-0812932409
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.4 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #327,385 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Cooper Coaches Parents, Teachers, and the Rest of Us, April 11, 2000

By 

Carol Woolman - See all my reviews

This review is from: Sticks and Stones: 7 Ways Your Child Can Deal with Teasing, Conflict, and Other Hard Times (Paperback)

Scott Cooper's book, STICKS AND STONES, is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to improve interpersonal relations at home, in the classroom among children or even in a marriage or between countries. This small, completely accessible and easy-to-read book is organized into chapters that illustrate skills by linking them to the patterns of common birds. for example, for problems dealing with blaming (The Way of the Crow) skills such as the "Mighty Might" can be learned and utilized on the spot. Scripts enlarge the concepts and are written in kid-friendly language.

Although this book abounds with good psychological principles, the author comes across as a positive coach with a humorous and compassionate style. The material and strategies are easy to grasp and draw upon solid psychological research, but are not heavy with jargon. Scott Cooper's wisdom will help fill in gaps in your own experience as a child.

Every teacher and principal should have a copy near by. I have recommended this book to many adults in my social work practice. I wish it was around when I was raising a family.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The conflict ABC's, March 9, 2000

By 

Lindsey Dixon (California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Sticks and Stones: 7 Ways Your Child Can Deal with Teasing, Conflict, and Other Hard Times (Paperback)

It may not occur to parents that we can teach our children communiation skills specifically, the same way we taught them the ABC's. We assume that our children will pick up on the accepted standards of behavior and develop the necessary communication skills by trial and error. When I came across Scott Cooper's new book, "Sticks and Stones", I was struck by his sensitivity in addressing the need to teach our children specifically, skills that will allow them to handle conflict. He does this beautifully in clear easy to follow exercises that work perfectly at the dinner table. Cooper's use of birds to illustrate the characteristics he wants to teach is pure inspiration. My children love pretending to be a blue jay or black bird or dove first, then they seem willing to settle in for a few minutes of roll playing. These exercises don't feel like homework! Need I say more? I am the parent of a child with an autism spectrum disorder. I know the need in living color to teach my child specifically how to navigate the waters of verbal communication. Now, with Scott Cooper's book, I have a tool that will help meet that need for each of my children. Thanks Scott!

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Guide to Parenting, March 9, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Sticks and Stones: 7 Ways Your Child Can Deal with Teasing, Conflict, and Other Hard Times (Paperback)

I've already read the book and love it. I have four children (ages 2,6,8,12). The strength of the book lies in its offering of several practical ways to teach children to cope in a sometimes rough and tumble world. I like the exercises that teach a parent how to teach these concepts to their children. The different approaches have creative names which will make it easy for my children to remember. I like the idea of solution time and I have already tried it with my kids with good results. I highly recommend this book to any parent with young children (some of the approaches are relevant to adults as well). The stories, examples and references are also valuable. If you only effectively use 2 or 3 ideas from the book, it is well worth the price.