Customer Reviews

Sticks and Stones: 7 Ways Your Child Can Deal with Teasing, Conflict, and Other Hard Times

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Scott Cooper's book, STICKS AND STONES, is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to improve interpersonal relations at home, in the classroom among children or even in a marriage or between countries. This small, completely accessible and easy-to-read book is organized into chapters that illustrate skills by linking them to the patterns of common birds. for example, for problems dealing with blaming (The Way of the Crow) skills such as the "Mighty Might" can be learned and utilized on the spot. Scripts enlarge the concepts and are written in kid-friendly language.

Although this book abounds with good psychological principles, the author comes across as a positive coach with a humorous and compassionate style. The material and strategies are easy to grasp and draw upon solid psychological research, but are not heavy with jargon. Scott Cooper's wisdom will help fill in gaps in your own experience as a child.

Every teacher and principal should have a copy near by. I have recommended this book to many adults in my social work practice. I wish it was around when I was raising a family.

It may not occur to parents that we can teach our children communiation skills specifically, the same way we taught them the ABC's. We assume that our children will pick up on the accepted standards of behavior and develop the necessary communication skills by trial and error. When I came across Scott Cooper's new book, "Sticks and Stones", I was struck by his sensitivity in addressing the need to teach our children specifically, skills that will allow them to handle conflict. He does this beautifully in clear easy to follow exercises that work perfectly at the dinner table. Cooper's use of birds to illustrate the characteristics he wants to teach is pure inspiration. My children love pretending to be a blue jay or black bird or dove first, then they seem willing to settle in for a few minutes of roll playing. These exercises don't feel like homework! Need I say more? I am the parent of a child with an autism spectrum disorder. I know the need in living color to teach my child specifically how to navigate the waters of verbal communication. Now, with Scott Cooper's book, I have a tool that will help meet that need for each of my children. Thanks Scott!

I've already read the book and love it. I have four children (ages 2,6,8,12). The strength of the book lies in its offering of several practical ways to teach children to cope in a sometimes rough and tumble world. I like the exercises that teach a parent how to teach these concepts to their children. The different approaches have creative names which will make it easy for my children to remember. I like the idea of solution time and I have already tried it with my kids with good results. I highly recommend this book to any parent with young children (some of the approaches are relevant to adults as well). The stories, examples and references are also valuable. If you only effectively use 2 or 3 ideas from the book, it is well worth the price.

Scott Cooper uses basic "tools", in the symbol of birds, to convey an important message. Our children need to have verbal ways of avoiding conflicts. As a parent this is always a concern. Every parent wishes these skills were a "standard issued" gift to their children to avoid the painful process of growing up. Scott gives parents simple exercises with thoughtful and insightful advice to help us direct our children in the right direction. I personally would like to thank Mr. Cooper for his influence and genuine contribution to the preservation of the parent/child relationship. I think his dedications to his father and his niece were a very special touch to his thoughtfullness as a human being that reaped the benefits of a good upbringing.

I felt "Sticks and Stones" was easy to read and organized in such a way as to give practical and easy to learn tools to help combat malicious teasing that can often destroy a young child's self-esteem. I found the book very helpful because it was well written and had easy to follow techniques and examples of how to use them.

I don't have children of my own, but I bought this book because I thought it would be helpful knowledge to have when dealing with my nieces and nephews. I was surprised to find that these skills aren't just for kids. These are basic human relationship skills that will work for anyone. I wish more adults understood and applied this type of healthy interaction. Perhaps this book will lay the groundwork for a more kind and self-assured generation to come. I recommend this book for everyone. It's not just for children.

I have read quite a few books on assertiveness training in order to help my 7 year old deal with teasing from her peers. I must have read about 15 different books, but this book truly stands out. It's not just a bunch of hogwash about how teasing affects self esteem, etc, etc. It's real life, practical techniques easy enough to teach a 7 year old that will give her the tools she needs in dealing with the stuff 7 year olds all have to deal with. Each chapter in the book deals with a different concept to work on. So I'm teaching my daughter a chapter a week so that when she re-enters school in September, she'll be much better prepared.

This book is great. Kids need it! It gave my kids the actual lines they can say when they are being teased. One of the nice surprises is that it also gave me ways to help my kids deal with the whiny, exaggerated things they tell themselves. My kids use the phrases in the book and now they know what to say automatically.This has given them a lot of confidence. They feel much better in many different situations.

I use this with my martial arts students, as part of their training in social skills and verbal self-defense. It has been a very useful resource for us. I've had several parents and students tell me that they had used the techniques in Sticks & Stones with success. The explanations and examples are clear and easy to follow, and the role-plays are very good. I've found it very accessible, and very user-friendly. If you are using this book, be sure to work the role plays consistently, and frequently. It is one thing to understand the concepts, and quite another to be able to use these techniques under stress.

Objections:

The number of occasions in which Cooper advises that the child say, "I don't want you to say that," or "Don't do that anymore. I don't like it." is excessive. A name calling bully wants attention. Not giving it to him is the way to handle it. Ignore him, her or them or at least just keep to your own business. Initially. Then get a book of insults, as Debra Dougherty suggested, and turn it into a game. Followed by, "That's enough time wasted on you," and leaving. Having friends with whom the child can share looks of "What an idiot!" is always helpful. But finally, if physicality is involved, greater physicality is called for, as well as a show of authoritative strength. We once persuaded a local policeman to have a chat with a bully. I have personally experienced many occasions wherein the bully became the best friend of the bullied when the bullied stands up to the bully. This is true with people of all ages.

Worth the price of admission:

1) "Don't believe your thoughts." "Your thoughts come and go and can be happy or afraid or angry, but they are not who you are. You are more than your thoughts." "Look at your fear. Acknowledge that it is there. Just don't believe it." We are not talking about taking care crossing the street. If the child is shy, offer techniques for dealing with shyness. Being grumpy and whiny is a choice. Discuss what other choices there are.

2) "I don't like you to talk that way to me" is always the best way to approach an overbearing person, adult or child. Timing is important. Rule 1: don't embarrass anyone in front of other people.

3) "Yes, I did have a cookie even when you told me not to do so." Then discuss how the child can avoid being in a situation where s/he disobeys a rule because s/he just wanted to. What do you do when you know you should or should not be doing X?

4) Listen to your child, even if you don't agree. Repeat the feelings back to show that you understand. Sometimes kids have brilliant solutions of their own if they have a safe place to talk about them.