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Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy [Hardcover]

Emily Bazelon
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (122 customer reviews)

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Book Description

February 19, 2013
NATIONAL BESTSELLER

Being a teenager has never been easy, but in recent years, with the rise of the Internet and social media, it has become exponentially more challenging. Bullying, once thought of as the province of queen bees and goons, has taken on new, complex, and insidious forms, as parents and educators know all too well.
 
No writer is better poised to explore this territory than Emily Bazelon, who has established herself as a leading voice on the social and legal aspects of teenage drama. In Sticks and Stones, she brings readers on a deeply researched, clear-eyed journey into the ever-shifting landscape of teenage meanness and its sometimes devastating consequences. The result is an indispensable book that takes us from school cafeterias to courtrooms to the offices of Facebook, the website where so much teenage life, good and bad, now unfolds.
 
Along the way, Bazelon defines what bullying is and, just as important, what it is not. She explores when intervention is essential and when kids should be given the freedom to fend for themselves. She also dispels persistent myths: that girls bully more than boys, that online and in-person bullying are entirely distinct, that bullying is a common cause of suicide, and that harsh criminal penalties are an effective deterrent. Above all, she believes that to deal with the problem, we must first understand it.
 
Blending keen journalistic and narrative skills, Bazelon explores different facets of bullying through the stories of three young people who found themselves caught in the thick of it. Thirteen-year-old Monique endured months of harassment and exclusion before her mother finally pulled her out of school. Jacob was threatened and physically attacked over his sexuality in eighth grade—and then sued to protect himself and change the culture of his school. Flannery was one of six teens who faced criminal charges after a fellow student’s suicide was blamed on bullying and made international headlines. With grace and authority, Bazelon chronicles how these kids’ predicaments escalated, to no one’s benefit, into community-wide wars. Cutting through the noise, misinformation, and sensationalism, she takes us into schools that have succeeded in reducing bullying and examines their successful strategies. The result is a groundbreaking book that will help parents, educators, and teens themselves better understand what kids are going through today and what can be done to help them through it.

Praise for Sticks and Stones
 
“A humane and closely reported exploration of the way that hurtful power relationships play out in the contemporary public-school setting . . . As a parent herself, [Emily Bazelon] brings clear, kind analysis to complex and upsetting circumstances.”—The Wall Street Journal
 
“Intelligent, rigorous . . . [Bazelon] is a compassionate champion for justice in the domain of childhood’s essential unfairness.”—Andrew Solomon, The New York Times Book Review
 
“Bullying is misunderstood. Not all conflict between kids is bullying. It isn’t always clear who is the bully and who is the victim. Not all—or even most—kids are involved in bullying. And bullying isn’t the only factor in a child’s suicide, ever. Emily Bazelon, who wrote about the subject for Slate in 2010, here expands her reporting in an important, provocative book about what we can—and can’t—do about the problem.”—The Boston Globe

“Immersive storytelling with a sturdy base of science underneath, [Sticks and Stones] draws its authority and power from both.”—New York

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Sticks and Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy + Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“A humane and closely reported exploration of the way that hurtful power relationships play out in the contemporary public-school setting . . . As a parent herself, [Emily Bazelon] brings clear, kind analysis to complex and upsetting circumstances.”—The Wall Street Journal
 
“Intelligent, rigorous . . . [Bazelon] is a compassionate champion for justice in the domain of childhood’s essential unfairness.”—Andrew Solomon, The New York Times Book Review
 
“Bullying is misunderstood. Not all conflict between kids is bullying. It isn’t always clear who is the bully and who is the victim. Not all—or even most—kids are involved in bullying. And bullying isn’t the only factor in a child’s suicide, ever. Emily Bazelon, who wrote about the subject for Slate in 2010, here expands her reporting in an important, provocative book about what we can—and can’t—do about the problem.”—The Boston Globe
 
“In Sticks and Stones . . . journalist and editor Emily Bazelon brings a sure hand and investigative heft to her exploration of bullying, which, in the era of social media, includes both digital and old-fashioned physical cruelty.”—Los Angeles Times
 
“Immersive storytelling with a sturdy base of science underneath, [Sticks and Stones] draws its authority and power from both.”—New York
 
“Beautifully written and tenaciously reported, Sticks and Stones is a serious, important book that reads like a page-turner. Emily Bazelon is a gifted writer, and this powerful work is sure to place childhood bullying at the heart of the national conversation—right where it belongs.”—Susan Cain, author of Quiet

About the Author

Emily Bazelon is a senior editor at Slate, a contributing writer at The New York Times Magazine, and the Truman Capote Fellow at Yale Law School. Before joining Slate, she worked as a law clerk on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the First Circuit. She is a graduate of Yale College and Yale Law School, and lives in New Haven with her husband and two sons. This is her first book.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 400 pages
  • Publisher: Random House (February 19, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0812992806
  • ISBN-13: 978-0812992809
  • Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 1.3 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (122 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #21,699 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Emily Bazelon is the author of Sticks and Stones, a book about bullying to be published in February by Random House. She is also a senior editor at Slate, a contributing writer at the New York Times Magazine, and the Truman Capote Fellow for Creative Writing and Law at Yale Law School. Before joining Slate, Emily was a Soros media fellow, an editor and writer at Legal Affairs magazine, and a law clerk on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 1st Circuit. She has been a guest on The Colbert Report, the Today Show, the PBS Newshour, All Things Considered, and Talk of the Nation. Emily is a graduate of Yale College and Yale Law School.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
78 of 88 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Struggling With This One March 10, 2013
Format:Hardcover
As a former teacher, I find myself struggling tremendously with Sticks And Stones, which has received quite good reviews.

One thing that is quite confusing is the "great equalizing" of bully and bullied. Yes, I imagine many bullies are depressed themselves, and I'm sure many are also suffering from other issues. But the notion that a bully and a bullied child suffer equally is simply wrong. A bullied child learns fear, dreads school, comes to believe that no one can help, and often becomes socially withdrawn. The fact that a bullied child may recover from this (which Bazelton seems to suggest) is nice, but why (in a society where every kid has to win a trophy and every child has to have an equal part in a school play) is protecting children from bullies that one thing that seems to make so many people talk about "equalization?"

Moreover, I found Bazelton's notion that most buillies "grow out of it naturally" is completely wrong. Not sure how many workplaces she's been in, but there are always plenty of grown-up bullies on display. Did they just suddenly decide to become bullies for their 30th or 40th birthday? Probably not -- they probably learned many lessons of intimidation on the playground.

While I was teaching, I found myself in meetings with parents of bullies, and 80% of time those parents said one of two things: "My child is not a bully" (no matter how many notes or proof a teacher offered) or, much sadder, "I know he is a bully but I have no control over him." The idea that parents are not involved in how their children grow is bizarre, and unless a parent of a bully steps in to assist in guiding his or her child, school alone simply cannot help.
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18 of 21 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars No "Sympathy For The Devil." April 23, 2013
Format:Hardcover
This book made me uncomfortable. I sensed far too much sympathy for the perpetrators, and they are entitled to none of it. There seemed something dishonest in this presentation, in my humble opinion. I have known bullies in my childhood. I have known them as an adult in the workplace. Those with strength can move on and enjoy their own successes, allowing the guilty to continue wallowing in their own poison -- perpetually building a stairway to nowhere.

Sadly, not all intended victims have that strength. Are they to be held responsible because they find it impossible to move on?

Victims need champions. Perpetrators need no apologists. Therefore, I do not recommend this book.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars I had a hardtime with this one April 3, 2013
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
I teach high school, so I see no shortage of bullying. I appreciate that in our society now bullying is coming to the forefront as a real issued. I don't know that I agree with the author on a few key points of his argument. He explains that the bully and bullier essentially suffer the same b/c the bully is obviously suffering from a complex of inferiority, etc. While I do agree that bullies tend to be bullies b/c they have issues of their own, I don't agree that the person being bullied has equal issues. Being bullied is WAY worse b/c they are the ones who have the power taken away from them in that situation, while the bully holds all the power and actually continues to bully others b/c it fulfills the needs that his/her other emotional issues have brought up.

I appreciate the message that we need to understand both sides of the bullying equation in order to teach our children the appropriate empathy, response, etc. It is important to understand where the bully is coming from, however, I don't know that explaining that to the child being bullied would be helpful at all. I also have been in plenty of meetings with parents (of the bully) and counselors trying to make these situations stop and many times the parents themselves are bullies, so they fail to see what is wrong with the way their child is acting. This book doesn't address that at all, it simply explains that if we teach children empathy and understand that bullies are as troubled as the pain they inflict on their victims, that we can get rid of bullying eventually. I just don't see that.

We live in a society that says you are the most important person and if you have to stab someone in the back for a promotion or to get ahead, then do it.
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18 of 22 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Children who are bullied need champions, not wimps March 31, 2013
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
If only there was a way to give this book ZERO stars. In spite of her research, the author seems to have no idea what bullying is about. She begins with a personal anecdote, wherein two friends dump her over the summer. Her feelings were deeply hurt but eventually she found a new friend. Although this is NOT bullying, the incident seems to inform the rest of her report. So reviewers need to tell her: Bullying is about the abuse of power, and about relentlessly degrading/harming another person. When is that ever OK?? Why would that ever be acceptable behavior?? And yet she reaches the weirdly cautious conclusion that "maybe we should not hover, and let children work out their own problems; or maybe bullying teaches children resiliency." This summary is consistent with parenting practices seen throughout society: parents are afraid to be grown ups and take on the hard work of shaping their child's character. Apparently parents no longer say, "Our family values kindness and tolerance, and what you are doing is wrong. You will stop immediately; you will apologize and make amends." Heaven forbid! Acknowledge my child is in error? Not my precious snowflake. The author's conclusion says more about current parenting wimpy-ness than she realizes. THIS is the book's take-home message: children who are being bullied, you are on your own, because the bullies' parents are once again encouraged to avoid their responsibilities not only to their child, but to society.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars A Very Difficult Problem
Bazelon's book seems to be focusing only on children and students. I would have liked to have seen some investigation on bullying in the corporate world, where power imbalance is... Read more
Published 1 hour ago by Erol Esen
2.0 out of 5 stars Unfocused and Disappointing
Emily Bazelon's _Sticks and Stones_ implies that it is about "defeating the culture of bullying and rediscovering the power of character and empathy" in its extended title. Read more
Published 6 days ago by Ron Cole
4.0 out of 5 stars Bottom Line: Teen's Social Lives Are Complicated - No Simple...
As a parent of teen boys and a mother who has always been interested in the cause of bullying and wishing for easy solutions to end it, I was curious what Brazelon had to say on... Read more
Published 7 days ago by christinemm - The Thinking Mother
3.0 out of 5 stars Doesn't provide enough answers
I chose this book because I am an educator and wanted insight to the growing problem of bullying. What was once considered a right of passage has now been deemed a form of... Read more
Published 13 days ago by CGScammell
3.0 out of 5 stars Bullying Solutions
The book spends a lot of time detailing case histories. Solutions are not so well defined. For instance, the PBIS system is not very clearly covered, but is said to be a most... Read more
Published 17 days ago by Contra Costa Police Athletic Association
2.0 out of 5 stars She doesn't get it
Emily Bazelon is apparently interested in bullying because (a) her friends "fired" her in the eighth grade and (b) her new best friend after that, Allie, was bullied by her former... Read more
Published 19 days ago by Dienne
5.0 out of 5 stars Great resource for teachers
I bought this copy as a professional resource book for our school faculty. I think it provides an excellent perspective on the problem of bullying today.
Published 19 days ago by Pamela E Raidt
2.0 out of 5 stars Not sure how to use this...
I bought this based on an NPR interview that Emily Bazelon did. I am a school counselor and I liked what she said when she defined bullying as physical or verbal abuse, repetative... Read more
Published 21 days ago by bev Davenport
2.0 out of 5 stars I am not sure why the author would be considered an expert on this...
I appreciate when anyone makes an efforrt to educate people on a chronic social problem that leads to even more problems but I do not feel that this book is particularly helpful in... Read more
Published 22 days ago by A.
3.0 out of 5 stars Don't Agree
I don't agree with the authors methods of dealing with bullies. She is too light on the situation. The school needs to stop bullying because bullying can lead to suicide and school... Read more
Published 23 days ago by G. Hembrough
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