Customer Reviews

Stolen Vows: The Illusion of No-Fault Divorce and the Rise of the American Divorce Industry

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I read Judy Parejko's book Stolen Vows as she wrote it making comments and suggestions along the way. The book left me tormented; I couldn't wait for the next chapter to come out.

Since I was separated and suffering through an unfair and unwanted divorce, I had so many questions why the justice system I loved and believed in seemed to act so irresponsibly. I couldn't understand why the unfaithful were coddled while the faithful were brutalized, robbed of possessions, robbed of child custody. I could not comprehend why children were given over to unfit parents with documented mental illnesses and abusive behavior. I needed answers. I knew how things were supposed to work, but I wanted to know how they really worked. And, I wanted to know why.

Stolen Vows turned on the lights. Things became clear fast.

Divorce is a multi-billion dollar industry. Judges, attornies, and others in the divorce industry have a personal financial interest in the destruction of your marriage and mine.

Stolen Vows shows how current no-fault divorce laws were sold to Californians and how they spread rapidly poisening marriages and families throughout the U.S. Judy wrote this book from the perspective of an insider--a divorce mediator who discovered how her job and others and the unjustice of the court system were hurting families.

Some will hate this book. Some will try to silence or hide it. Those who earn wealth from the destruction of little children's families will not appreciate Judy's professional and well-researched exposition of corruption and the harm in current no-fault divorce laws.

This is written from the perspective of an insider--a woman who was once a divorce mediator who became aware of how her job was hurting marriages. She became aware of so much unjustice in the divorce system and its harmful effect on children and families, and soon after, she found her office door locked.

Read this book and pass it on, or buy copies for your friends and family. They deserve to know. We really need to know how the law has virtually ended our marriages in the eyes of the law. We have lost our right to enter into binding marriage agreements. We need to learn so we can take back our marriages and protect our families.

6/27/02

Family Defenders:

You must obtain and read this new book:

STOLEN VOWS, The Illusion of No-Fault Divorce and
The Rise of the American Divorce Industry by Judy Parejko

This 5 X 7", soft-cover, 180 page book frames the present
status of the three-decades-old experiment called No-Fault
Divorce. To give you an idea of the scope, here are the
chapter headings:
Locked Out
Marriage Is a Promise
California's Proud Vision
No-Fault Goes National
Shaping the Law - Protecting Divorce
Forcing Divorce
The Divorce Industry
Building the Marriage Hospital

Judy brings the current Divorce status up-to-date for the first
time since Herbert Jacobs 1988 book: Silent Revolution,
The transformation of Divorce Law in the United States.
But more than that, Judy brings a woman's viewpoint to
fighting the destruction of the American Family.

Judy has five pages of footnotes which thoroughly
documents the eight chapters. But far from being a dry

recitation of statistics, she brings a loving, care-giving,
approach to the preservation of families. This comes
from working in the trenches of Mediation counseling.

Mrs. Parejko has updated and framed the No-Fault issues. ...
I see an opportunity for a second volume which expands
on the ideas of the Marriage Hospital. Let's support Judy!<...

The author of "Stolen Vows", Judy Parejko, was a mediation specialist working in the field of divorce.

This book is a result of working for the family courts. "My clients were the anguished parents going through a divorce who were sent by the judge to work out the living arrangements of their children" (P 11).

The problem with no fault divorce is that it fails to recognize the great damage divorce does to children.

By now, we have had some forty years, and well over one million studies, that have shown how much divorce harms children. The studies make for painful reading. Children raised by single parents end up poorer, more poorly educated, frequently emotionally damaged, and frequently unable to form emotional bonds with other people. They are at many times greater risk for drug abuse and sexual problems than children from intact homes. Some studies have shown that 80-90% of those who end up in prison came from single parent households. That's a pretty staggering statistic.

For the sake of these children, changes to the divorce laws are urgently needed.

"Stolen Vows" points out another fault in no fault divorce. It means, essentially, there is no marriage contract. You cannot break a contract you agreed to about your house or your car. But when it comes to marriage if one person wants out, that's it, the contract is void. The man or woman who wants out is in control and can force a divorce upon an unwilling spouse.

Yet, "Lawyers and other profressionals with whom I worked often minimized the pain of divorce. They characterized divorce clients as just 'emotionally out of control'" (P 93)instead of seeing that the grinding legal process could be the cause of problems.

Anyone who reads this book will certainly want to read Maggie Gallagher's seminal work on divorce, "The Abolition of Marriage".

This is a brilliant and insightful book which is very readable. A few books deal with the travesty of unilateral no-fault divorce, but this one is the best that I've read. It focuses clearly on the main issue of the laws which allow this. Also, it answers questions which I had when I first learned about no-fault divorce: How could any sane person possibly think that this is a good idea? How could this idea not only have gotten started, but even spread through the country to become the law in most states.

Compared to Stephen Baskerville's TAKEN INTO CUSTODY which covers some of the same ground about injustices of "family law", this is a much smaller book and much more conversational, not so filled with footnotes. But also it focuses on the main issue and avoids mixing in other controversial matters such as gender bias and VAWA and right-wing political views. Few people who read STOLEN VOWS with an open mind will come away unconvinced.

Just a couple of very minor things could make this book even better:
1. I don't agree with the author's statement in the last chapter that reform must be at a national level because changes in state laws will just send people over the borders to other states with easier divorces. To the contrary, I think that reforms of state laws will be a big help, that this is a more realistic goal than national reform, and that most people can't easily cross state borders to get a divorce without the consent of both spouses.
2. Also, the author perhaps doesn't make sufficiently clear that elimination of unilateral no-fault divorce is not necessarily forcing people to stay in unwanted marriages. Divorce is not the same as walking out of a marriage, it is a lawsuit. Anybody can walk out the door at any time. The question is whether or not the plaintiff should have a chance to force the defendant out of his/her home and take his or her money and children even though the defendant did nothing wrong.

Unfortunately, this book seems to be out of print now. Used copies are available but sell for quite a lot more than the original price. I got a very beat-up copy of this 180 page paperback for $[...], though it was worth every penny. This book is too important to become just a collector's item. The website [...] has some of the key points of the book though.