Customer Reviews

Stop Being Pushed Around!: A Practical Guide (10-Step Empowerment)

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book made me realize I'd been letting people walk all over me and that I fell into a pattern that needed to stop. "Stop Being Pushed Around" contains a lot of useful tips on how to respond to situations and realize you don't always have to let people tell you what to do.

In fact, I wish I had this book when I was with my ex-wife. Throughout her affair, I hardly had the guts to confront her about it. When I finally did, she "pushed" me out of the house and made me sleep on the porch. Not only did I respond poorly to this criticism, but I encouraged it by eating the ground beef that she set out for my supper. I didn't even say a word back. Now I realize that was a "self-defeating behavior" and I should have reacted better or at least said "no" when she told me to let our dog Bugsy eat the bigger plate of beef. Also, this book shows me that I had a right to speak up for myself - or at least pound on the door - when she would lock me in the linen closet each time we had company over.

The book proves that I was NOT in a "50/50" relationship, and with future relationships I have a right to "wear the pants" everyday - not just soil them. It also has a helpful section about not getting "pushed around" in the workplace. Finally, I have the tools I need to respond when Ray from accounting mistreat me at work. According to the book, it was a lack of self esteem that kept me from saying "NO WAY" each time Ray sold my lunch to the janitor or put pancake syrup all over my keyboard. Little does he know, I am finally ready to "Push Back" and eat my own lunches!

I have made great personal strides since reading "Stop Being Pushed Around". I am now able to do things such as make eye contact while ordering at a taco stand, stop referring to the paperboy as "Sir", and say "No" to telemarketers (saving me hundreds of dollars in the process). I would recommend this book to anybody who is looking to improve and tell the people around them - whether it's an ex-wife or the Pizza Hut phone operator - "Stop Pushing Me Around!"

Stop Being Pushed Around by Lynda Bevan is essentially a guide to building self-esteem. The majority of it focuses on romantic relationships, which makes sense because most self-esteem issues only become apparent when one is in a relationship or is just coming out of one.

It should be noted that the book is merely a guide.The most effective practice is self-examination as is shown throughout the book by the questions Bevan poses to the reader. Stop Being Pushed Around does eventually does give a few examples of negative and positive ways to respond to criticism, disrespect, and other tools that are used to pick away at a person's confidence. Also, throughout the book are several quotes sprinkled in just the right places to inspire the reader.

Overall, the book is a great guide on how to build one's esteem. It presents several realistic scenarios and gives the pros and cons to different responses. I feel this is the most effective in showing the reader the most efficient way to counter those who are making them feel inferior.

Sometimes just developing the fortitude to do things can make a world of difference in itself. "Stop Being Pushed Around! A Practical Guide" is a guide to building self esteem, self confidence, and in general just standing up for oneself when it comes to relationships. Encouraging readers to stand up to that boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, and attempting to make a relationship as it should be, a fifty-fifty affair. "Stop Being Pushed Around!" is what you can do to make your relationships happier for you - and why you shouldn't feel selfish about it.

Stop Being Pushed Around!, as its subtitle says, is a very practical guide. For anyone who wants to take back control of his or her life, this book is an excellent start. While the book is a bit limited on all the areas where a person may be pushed around, concentrating primarily on one's major relationship, with a short section on the workplace, the book offers many examples of how to improve your relationships which can be applied to various situations.

Anyone who is in an abusive relationship will especially find this book useful. The book's early sections focus on offering help for victims. Bevan provides examples of what constitutes being a victim, how people become victims, and how fear prevents people from escaping their victim status. What I found most helpful throughout the book, and especially in these sections on victimization, were Bevan's many examples of behaviors, negative and positive. For example, she provides a list of negative ways to respond to someone who always wants his own way, such as giving in, begging your partner to agree with you, and retaliating with anger. These examples help people identify their behaviors that are backfiring on them. Bevan then provides positive responses to a demanding person, such as simple silence, not reacting so the would-be controller will finally run out of steam, and only starting honest conversations during quiet and peaceful times in the relationship.

Following her discussion of victim situations, Bevan goes on to help the victim decide to change and then implement that change. Most effective in these sections of the book were the two chapters on defining what are your long-term and short-term strategies. You cannot change someone, and you cannot change yourself overnight. Bevan provides practical steps to help a person begin the process of change, and during that process, to decide how the relationship will be affected, and whether to stay in the relationship, based on how your partner reacts to your new behaviors. While Bevan does not use the term co-dependency, she is definitely discussing it in its manifestations as emotional and love addiction as well as being a caretaker.

The final appendix on bullying in the workplace is also effective, although I wish it had been longer and had more positive examples of how people can overcome such bullies rather than just describing the bullying. Bevan does not provide examples for other situations, such as being a victim within one's church or religion, or being a victim in a parent-child relationship. For this reason, I felt the book could have been expanded to be more thorough--it is only just over 100 pages. However, with a little imagination, one can apply many of Bevan's suggestions to other situations where a person is being pushed around.

Stop Being Pushed Around! is Book 3 in the 10-Step Empowerment Series by Loving Healing Press. Readers may want to explore other books in the series, especially Bevan's Life After Your Lover Walks Out and Life After Betrayal. For more information, visit the author's website www.LyndaBevan.com or the publisher www.lovinghealing.com. Stop Being Pushed Around! is a great place to start taking back your life as your own.

Tyler R. Tichelaar, Ph.D., author of The Marquette Trilogy

Reviewed by Olivera Baumgartner-Jackson for Reader Views (12/07)

Lynda Bevan's "Stop Being Pushed Around!" is Book #3 in the 10-step empowerment series. The first two books in the series are "Life After Your Lover Walks Out" and "Life After Betrayal," so a practical guide for victims was obviously a logical next step.

This seemingly slim volume delivers plenty of information, written in an easy-to-understand and easy-to-follow style. It starts with an introduction, which makes it clear that this book could be helpful to you if you are either a victim or living with one. Afterwards Ms. Bevan lays out a ten-step strategy, leading one from recognizing one's role as a victim and how one became a victim to the question about wanting to change and how to achieve that. Filled with real-life stories as well as comprehensive lists of factors and examples, the book guides one through the process of identifying the problem and solving it. The suggested changes are doable and sound realistic.

There are also two added chapters in the book, the Appendix A -Bullying in the workplace and Appendix B - Emergency contacts. The first one of those would definitely be helpful to anybody who is in a threatening, victimizing situation at work and the second one has a list of two dozen contacts both in USA and abroad.

Another rather interesting feature is a poem, included in the book, called "Victim." It is chilling, yet encouraging at the same time. Make sure you read it!

A book like this would definitely help an emotionally insecure person feel less alone and less strange, which would be a great first step on the road to recovery. Breaking the process down in ten steps makes it look less daunting for sure and the encouraging words of Ms. Bevan should assist one in seeing the situation as less overwhelming. Ms. Bevan's down-to-earth writing and sensible advice make this book a valuable tool and an asset in every victim's library. And, for those of you who are not victims, but know somebody who is - buy a copy of "Stop Being Pushed Around!" for them. It just might save somebody's life.

Book received free of charge.