He wants the car back with the tank filled before it gets dark. You agree that the important work you have to do at the office can wait until tomorrow. (Yes, there are more accidents after dark and the car is, after all, half his.) Last week he expected you to ditch that girlfriend of yours whom he suspects thinks he's a jerk. You did it. You've always believed that the relationship with him has to come first but lately you've begun to notice that you're eating what he wants to eat, seeing who he wants to see, taking jobs that he thinks are right for you...and gradually losing sight of yourself. How did it all happen? At the heart of a controlling relationship is a deep-seated sense of inadequacy shared by both partners. The controlled person feels gnawing need for approval that leads her to participate in her own manipulation, while a pervasive fear of rejection drives the controller to gain power by exploiting his partner's vulnerabilities. In Stop Controlling Me! psychologist Richard J. Stenack helps readers understand why controlling relationships happen, recognize the strategies that are being used to control them, and learn how to avoid the traps that keep them under control. Stenack encourages readers to discover what kind of relationship they really want and provides exercises to help them uncover mistaken beliefs and their roots, find a personal definition of freedom, identify their self-compromises, and train themselves to stop accepting the unacceptable. Readers who decide that they want to stay in an existing relationship are shown how to conduct an effective joint analysis, negotiate for change, and avoid relapse by recognizing warning signs. Readers who decide to break free by ending their relationship are given step-by-step tools to help them prepare for the process of leaving, make an effective break, and begin to lead a new life free of control.





