Customer Reviews

Stop Dating the Church!: Fall in Love with the Family of God (Lifechange Books)

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(11)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Josh Harris is all grown up. The man who brought us I Kissed Dating Goodbye when he was just twenty-one, and who is best known for bringing courtship to a whole new generation, is now senior pastor of a large and growing church and no longer speaks at conferences. Stop Dating The Church is his first book targetted at an audience wider than merely teens and parents of teens.

Harris believes that many, and perhaps even the majority of Christians, have a fear of committment to the church. Rather than committing to a local body of believers, most Christians "date the church," refusing to commit to a long-term relationship. He says, "This is my third book on relationships, but it's unlike any of my previous books...this book is about how you should relate to the family of God" (page 12). In Failing to commit to the church, we cheat ourselves, we cheat our church community and we cheat the world.

Over the next six chapters, Harris explains the beauty of the church, our need for the church, what committment to a church involves, what to look for in a church, and how to make Sunday the best day of the week. He draws liberally from the books and teachings of Charles Spurgeon, Don Whitney and John Piper, and builds convincing, biblical arguments. Chapters five and six are particularly engaging. The fifth chapter lays out ten criteria by which to choose a church. The sixth chapter provides some suggestions for redeeming Sunday and restoring it to a place of distinction whereby we use it deliberately as a day to refuel our spiritual batteries.

I must admit that this is the first of Harris' books that I have read, and I was thoroughly impressed by his committment to Scripture, to expository preaching, and to the historic tenets of Protestantism. The men under whose influence he has grown seem to be theologically-sound, showing that he has a true committment to biblical doctrine.

There is not much in this book that has not been said elsewhere more thoroughly and perhaps even more convincingly. But what this book adds to the discussion is accessibility. It should appeal to many young people who already know and appreciate Harris' ministry, and will engage young people who may shy away from longer treatments of the subject. Weighing in at only 129 pages (and small pages at that) this is a book that can be read and digested in a couple of hours. It will undoubtedly benefit all who read it and I give it my recommendation, especially to young people who are disillusioned by the church and may be turning their backs on her.

Think the church is just a nice place? A kind of optional thing? An idea whose time has passed?

Buy this book and let Joshua Harris redefine the church for you in light of scripture. It doesn't matter whether you've been attending church for a month or a lifetime, we all too quickly forget why the church is so important. Using engaging illustrations and an easy writing style, Josh uses scripture as pencil to sketch out God's plan and design for the church. An absolutely outstanding resource!

The church is central to God's plan to evangelize the world and build his people up in the faith--after all, it is called the body of Christ, the bride of Christ, and the temple of God! But somehow American Christians have come to think that the church is optional or even irrelevant to their Christian lives. Joshua Harris has written this book to show that we are social animals, saved by God to live our Christian lives in the context of a local church. Not only is this essential for our own spiritual well-being, it is the primary way in which we are called to minister to other believers, and to evangelize unbelievers.

Josh Harris (now Pastor Joshua Harris) has written a real gem of a book with "Stop Dating the Church." This is an excellent volume for people who have never "committed" themselves to the membership of a local church. He covers some very important points, and uses illustrations with which many people can easily (and embarrassingly) relate. His passion for Christ, for the people of God, and for the purpose of the Church is readily apparrent in this volume.

For those of us who have been part of "a church" for the greater majority of our lives, it was a bit "thin" in places. I would love to see a follow-up volume about the "church's" commitment to the individual believers, and how it all works together.

This is an easy read. I finished it in less than two hours.

This is a classic by Joshua Harris. If you are familiar with his books then you will appreciate what he has to say about the church. Many struggle today with the purpose of the church because there are so many false teachers who are only after your money. It's no wonder that many have nothing to do with the church. In Stop Dating the Church, Joshua Harris challenges you to change your thinking about the church and see its importance. Because this book has presented such a challenge to our leadership, we use it for prospective new members. A must read for current members or prospective and by those who have flat given up on the local church!

After reading this book, I really came to realizing that it's not about what the church offers for me, but what I can offer for the church. I came to understand that experiencing the full power of the Body meant to plug into it yourself and follow the Spirit in whatever it may tell you to do. Looking for all the small details in a church shouldn't be the defining point in finding a family of God that you can dive in with.

When I first saw this book I was skeptical about what it might say about the church. Wow was I wrong. Harris does a great job of making the doctrine of the church very practical and easy to understand, and there is something here to challenge and convict people at all different levels of commitment. I now use the book for several classes that I teach at the church and highly recommend it for all students and adults. And the book does not just apply to one denomination or one style of church--it is applicable across the board. Even if you don't agree with everything Harris says (as I didn't) you will still be challenge and convicted about how you view the church.

If you're looking for a book that gives an in-depth systematic exegesis of church membership from the old and new testaments, this isn't it.

Being a member of a local congregation was second nature to me since I grew up in a Christian household. I always participated in church by helping the clean-up crew or helping with children's church, and I also met a lot of people and hung out afterward for further communion and fellowship. So being a member of a church was always my priority. Even when I moved out of my parents house the first thing I did was join a church and got involved. However, it wasn't until I started studying Calvinism that finding a church home became a problem. This lead me to start researching why I always did those things I grew up doing. Why did I always sign a membership card and commit myself to a certain local congregation? Was it because the bible tells me to do that? Or was it tradition and something I was taught to do by my parents?

I'm still looking for a church home with Christ Reformed Church being at the top of my list, but I haven't really committed to that congregation for the following reasons; 1. It's kinda far (Anaheim's about an hours drive and my car sucks), 2. I'm Reformed Baptist so I believe padobaptism is sin, just as pedobaptist believe we baptist are sinning by not baptizing our unbelieving (who could be reprobate) children, 3. I'm not a Cessationist as most Reformed churches are, 4. The liturgy is almost unbearable (stand-up, recite apostles creed, sit-down, stand-up again, recite Scripture reference of the day, sit-down, stand-up, sing boring hymnal, sit-down..lol).

But the pros to Christ Reformed church are; 1. Kim is an excellent expository preacher and he isn't afraid to use Calvinistic terms, i.e., the elect/chosen, the reprobate, etc. (most Reformed churches I've visited (Grace Community Church with Johnny Mac; Sovereign Grace Pasadena, etc.) are afraid to use those terms (In my opinion, one could be an Arminian and comfortably be a member of those congregations)), 2. Kim possesses an excellent knowledge of eschatology (one of my favorite studies), 3. The parishioners (as with most Christian churches) are very nice, 4. The Academy is very informative.

So maybe one day I'll join Christ Reformed Church, despite my Charismatic upbringing and my being accustomed to contemporary gospel music that gets people in a worship mode. Or maybe I'll have to stick it out at Grace Community with the good worship and mediocre preaching (I definitely couldn't join Sovereign Grace Pasadena, the theology there is so watered down that they might as well be Arminian, but the worship there is perfect and of course they're continuationists, as I am).

And this is only one of the serious issues that Joshua Harris only alludes to in his book. He mentions a guy who went to one church for the music and another for the preaching, but he simply says that the guy shouldn't do that. Instead, he should stick to one church and try to help improve it but to keep in mind that he might not be able to change it, and he shouldn't go in thinking he can anyway. Okay. Now show us biblically why this is sin (I'm assuming that Joshua thinks it is sin to attend 2 churches and not be fully committed to only one). Show us Scripture that says Christians have to settle for watery theology or frozen chosen hymnals when a church is unwilling to change. Show Scripture that says Christians must be fully committed to only 1 congregation.

What do we see in Scripture? We see one church, Jerusalem being the headquarters, and we see leaders and congregants from Jerusalem being sent out to aid other churches whenever help is needed. We see tithes and offerings from the Macedonian church going to the Jerusalem church, which is at opposition to Josh's teaching that tithes and offerings must go to the church you attend (I don't believe, as Joshua believes, that Christians have to tithe 10% of their income, I'm just using those terms). Just some things to think about.

Most people argue that Christians must be committed to one local body so that they can be subject to that pastors discipline. What do we see in Scripture? Is it possible that a Pastor in Ephesus could write a letter to his sister church (the apostle John refers to all the churches as sister churches in his 2nd epistle) disciplining a member? Or is it only the apostles who can write from remote areas disciplining a member? Do we read apostles saying things like, "It is reported to me that some of you attend 2 different synagogues. One Sunday you're in the synagogue in Rome worshiping Christ, then the next Sunday you're worshiping Christ at the church in Aquila and Priscilla house! This is absolutely unacceptable!! You need to either be committed to the Synagogue or Aquila's house; you can't pick and choose. How can anyone discipline you if you keep church hopping? How can they kick you out of both churches if you need to be excommunicated"? No, we do not read anything like that in the bible.

This book is mostly logic and little to no Scriptural proofs. One question Harris asks is, if you are a part of the family, don't you have to be with the family? Josh's answer is yes, but I don't think the question certainly requires an affirmative. Can I be in chains but be present in spirit? But I understand Josh's logic and agree for the most part, I just wish Josh would address minor objections like the one I just mentioned.

One over the top extremity in this book is advising Christians to turn down job offers and college acceptance invitations if there isn't a good church in those areas you'll have to move to. Okay. I'll accept this if Josh could amass Scripture proving it. The book of Hebrews says we should not forsake gathering together with other Christians. Should we deduce from this that commitment to 1 local body is the only way? I live in a one bedroom apartment with my wife and 3 children. If I'm finally offered a job somewhere that will pay me sufficient funds to purchase a house where my children can sleep in their own rooms instead of together in the living room, and I could provide them with food and clothing and stop getting WIC, should I turn it down because there may not be a good church there? Would Christ scold me at judgment for wanting to provide for my family but doing everything I can in that place with no good churches to teach my children the gospel and gather with other believers?

Joshua states that Mark Dever begins a conference by telling people that if they are not committed to the church they regularly attend (that is, if they are visitors), they may be going to hell. Then he goes on to say that he believes in salvation by grace alone through faith alone, BUT that the bible "seems" to suggest that commitment or membership to a local body is essential to proving your genuineness of faith, since one must love his brother if he is truly saved and how can you love your brother if you're not committed to one local body? It should be obvious that one does not need to be committed to 1 local body in order to prove his love for Christians. Love can be expressed simply by giving a Christian clothing, visiting him in jail, or giving him a place to sleep.

In his book, "9 Marks of a Healthy Church," Dever asks Christians how do they know they're saved if they aren't a member of a church? Well, the obvious answer is because they have faith. How do they know they have faith? Because the Holy Spirit assures them, sanctifies them, disciplines them, conforms them to Christ's image, and teaches them correct doctrine as He leads them to study Scripture. The answer is never "Because I'm a member of a local church and they assure me that I'm saved." That sounds more like Catholic dogma. And the protestant church is becoming just that. We are slowly and unconsciously becoming totalitarian. "You must join 1 church!! Pay your tithes here!! Give your spiritual gifts to us!! Submit to my discipline!! Yeah, you have Christian liberty.. Liberty to be committed to me and me only!!" lol

Why 3 stars instead of 1 or 2? Well, I liked what Harris had to say about God's perspective of the church and how we should imitate God by loving the church. And I liked what he says about the benefits to being committed to one local body. I do believe we need each other; the Christian walk isn't supposed to be done alone.

But does the bible support all of our modern day practices? Not really. It's not even implicit. Do all Christians necessarily have to do something at church? Should we come and rest and receive/be fed God's word as sheep (as Michael Horton would say)? Or should we come to work on Sunday, as it seems Josh is suggesting? Does the teaching of Scripture restrict Christians to local bodies? Or does it suggest that Christians should simply gather and strengthen one another, no matter which pastor or whereabouts? I see in Deuteronomy 14:22-27, God telling Hebrew Christians who cannot make it to the feast in Jerusalem to have their own feast at home away from the main congregation. Does God tell the Hebrew Christians that they shouldn't live far away from the temple? Or does He tell them to possess any part of the land they like, read their bible, and teach it to their children?

My advice to others like myself is to not forsake gathering with other Christians. Whether that be in a nice building with speakers and music, or a house, or an underground cave in China. If you live in an Islamic country where churches are forbidden, or in China, and the only thing you can do is meet secretly in a back alley for a half hour, do it. Of course, people with those circumstances will never read this book, nevertheless, it's something else Josh fails to address.

Anyway, I'm totally against rogue/independent Christians, but are you still saved if you go it alone with the Holy Spirit and a bible? Yes, as long as you simply believe. But you'll be missing out on so many benefits of fellowship with other Christians (Matthew 18:20). Plus you'll be held accountable at judgment for that decision. I personally prefer joining a church since it's where I can discuss theology with my friends and worship together like we'll do throughout eternity. But to suggest that God does more in the building with organized worship, and creates an experience in local church settings that cannot be duplicated anywhere else (as Josh suggests), is not true. Again, God can produce the same effects for 3 Christians meeting in a dumpster in Iran that He does for congregations with organized worship in America.

I don't know why pastors like Joshua Harris wont just keep it real and say things like, "Yes, you can be saved and not be baptized, and the bible does not restrict Christians to 1 local congregation; salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone, period. But the Scriptures encourage us to be baptized and to gather with other Christians to show our love for Christ and the saints; God uses these tools to build you up for this tough spiritual walk, so I strongly encourage you to join us, but it's your choice." That sort of speech is a lot more seasoned with salt than the dictatorship reasoning we hear now-a-days.

Jesus Is God

We are using this book with our Singles group at our church. It has given very biblical reason to be a part and serve in the local church. We would definatley reccommend this book for anyone!

i found this book to be very, very helpful for my own heart. i am not frustrated with or tired of my church--though i am well aware of our shortcomings, but this was a refreshing read for me. in this book, josh harris challenges the consumer mentality of self-centeredness, pride, the critical eye, and pushes for full commitment, not just mediocrity. and he gives practical and biblical advice on what to look for in a church and advice on how to maximize our joy on sundays.

this was a great read and i highly recommend it, both to those who are frustrated with church or even those who like the church they are attending. i think even the latter will benefit from it as i did.