Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom (Hardcover)

~ (Author)
Key Phrases: nipple jewelry, Disney World, Krispy Kreme, American Girl (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In some 32 short essays on the ridiculousness of modern life, Rivenbark (Bless Your Heart, Tramp; We're Just Like You, Only Prettier) wanders through Tweenland at the mall, thinking a better name would be "Lil Skanks." She thinks that the Cruise/Holmes pregnancy has an "indescribably delicious" Rosemary's Baby feel to it and recalls that Monica Lewinsky hosted a TV dating show—in which she "didn't get the guy." Rivenbark riffs on America's crazier obsessions—the painful but obligatory pilgrimage to Disney World, the new attention to "buttocks cleavage," coffee makers calling themselves baristas, or those celebrity moms who have "bumps" instead of babies. Rivenbark describes herself as a "slacker mom" and reminds readers to learn something from men—"because no matter how slack a dad is, if he does the least little thing, people gush over him." This is a hilarious read, perhaps best enjoyed while eating Krispy Kremes with a few girlfriends. (Sept.)
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Review

Praise for Celia Rivenbark and We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier
“Will give you a case of the giggles.”
--New York Daily News
“Warm, witty, and wise, rather like reading dispatches from a friend who uses e-mail but still writes letters, in ink, on good paper.”
--St. Petersburg Times
“Even diehard Yankees will appreciate this wickedly funny collection.”
--Dallas Morning News
“North Carolina doesn’t have a post for a ‘humorist laureate,’ but it should invent one and install Celia Rivenbark.”
--Greensboro News & Record
“I thought I was Southern until I read Celia Rivenbark’s book....What a funny, smart, and irreverent writer she is!”
--Lee Smith, author of The Last Girls
"Laugh-out-loud funny.”--Cleveland Plain Dealer
“A collection of essays by a woman working in her element…Rivenbark writes with that breezy, irreverent allure that makes so many of these belles legendary.”---Blue Ridge Business Journal
“An edgy Erma. An Erma dipped in corn-bread batter, wrapped in collard greens, and drawling that she was speeding because ‘my uterus told me to.’ ”--The Tennessean
“A hoot and a holler.”--Boston Herald
“I laughed so hard reading this book, I began snorting in an unbecoming fashion.”
--Haven Kimmel, author of A Girl Named Zippy

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press (September 5, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312339933
• ISBN-13: 978-0312339937
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #227,383 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 29 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars So funny you will laugh out loud, December 11, 2006

By	Stephanie Manley (Houston, TX) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

Rarely do books make me chuckle out loud. If you live in the south, or appreciate the differences that makes southern culture unique, you will enjoy this book. Celia Rivenbark divides the book into chapters which discusses the trials and tribulations of life. She has a humorous outlook on life.

The book starts out nicely with describing a trip to Disneyland, and what a bad parent you are if you do not take your child there, buckling under the pressure of taking your child there, and the "fun" that will only happen under the pressure of having fun. Note: Disneyland isn't always fun for everyone.

I love her look on parenting, and the shock and horror of when your child must go from toddler clothes to little girl clothes. As the style of fashion goes from safe designs to where you are having to dress your six year old going on seventeen. It is a shock to the system when you are trying to find clothes that do not make your child look like a street walker. In addition to Disneyland, dressing a six year old girl, she writes about taking a school class to the zoo, the rigors of volunteering for a Halloween festival, and volunteer opportunities that your six year old signed you up for.

This book is extremely enjoyable, and personally I would love to sit down with Celia Rivenbark and have coffee with her. Her book is a delightful look on living in the south, and how one navigates parenthood. I highly recommend this book to those who are wanting to seek out an amusing look into what it is like being a parent in the south.

28 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars How can you resist a title like that?, February 18, 2007

By	Colleen McMahon "bookaholic" (Atlanta, GA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I mean, who hasn't thought that themselves? As soon as I heard of the title of this book, I knew I had to read it. So when I saw it on the new book shelf at the library I snatched it up. I read, I giggled, I made my partner listen to me read whole pages aloud and we both laughed uncontrollably.

Celia Rivenbark is like your fun sarcastic girlfriend who says things that make you snort milk out of your nose if she catches you at just the right moment. I am a non-heterosexual, childless, transplanted Northerner but I thoroughly enjoyed her thoughts on marriage, child rearing, and Southern living, as well as her unabashed enjoyment of junky TV (sister!) and contemplations of celebrity foibles ("Speaking of aliens, as I write this, Tom Cruise and Katie 'I'm With Crazy' Holmes are expecting a celebrity pod-baby. Yes! The seed has been successfully planted and now is growing and flourishing in the formerly Catholic womb of Ms. Katie.").

Very funny stuff, and a nice light, quick read either all in one gulp like a pint of Haagen-Daz, or rationed out like the package of Oreos you are hiding from the kids. Consider it as a gift for the favorite slacker-mom in your life (as long as you are reasonably sure she ISN'T one of those dressing her 6-year-old like a skank, because that would hurt her feelings, bless her heart...)

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Like curling up for delicious gossip fest with your best friend, October 19, 2006

By	science gal (Johnson City, TN United States) - See all my reviews

In this laugh-out-loud collection of essays, Celia Rivenbark skewers the absurdities that we deal with on a regular basis. Kids, huzzzbands, celebrities, vanity - nothing is sacred. Perhaps what I enjoyed most about the book was the intimate, best friends tone Celia uses coupled with the most fabulous quips and turns of phrase - you can practically hear her delivering them. When you are reading the book, it feels like you're having a delicious gab fest with a dear friend. For example, in describing her daughter's overstuffed school bookbag "I tell you hons, sometimes I expect to pull a live squirrel monkey out of there". I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that comment because it is oh, so true with all the stuff kids bring home!
Clearly, this book has a target audience of southern moms in the 35-50 y.o. age group, but covers enough universal observations to make it enjoyable to a wider audience. Try it. You don't have to eat grits to enjoy it!