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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – January 2, 2010

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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder + I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality + The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; Second Edition edition (January 2, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572246901
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572246904
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (337 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,966 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


"Stop Walking on Eggshells makes good on its promise to restore the lives of people in close relationships with someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). It is a rich guide to understanding and coping with the reactions aroused in others by troubling BPD behaviors that negatively impact relationships. Readers will find this book very useful and beneficial."
—Nina W. Brown, EdD, professor and Eminent Scholar at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed

"This book is the absolute go-to guide for my clients who are dealing with a loved one with borderline personality disorder. Readable and thorough, it strikes a perfect balance of practical advice and emotional sensitivity. This book has helped so many people break through their sense of confusion and isolation by helping them to name, understand, and respond to the difficulties of this complex and misunderstood disorder."
—Daniel E. Mattila, M.Div., LCSW

"This book is urgently needed now that a National Institutes of Health study shows that 6 percent of the general population has borderline personality disorder (BPD). I constantly get requests from families needing resources on BPD, and I recommend Stop Walking On Eggshells almost every time. This second edition is really easy to read and packed with even more useful tips for family members in distress."
—Bill Eddy, LCSW, attorney, mediator, clinical social worker, and author of High Conflict People in Legal Disputes and Splitting

"Amazingly, Stop Walking On Eggshells not only teaches readers how to recognize the signs of borderline personality disorder, it also shows how they can make life and relationship decisions based on what they want and need instead of decisions controlled by the illness."
—Julie A. Fast, author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder

From the Publisher

This book helps the friends and family members of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) understand the condition, help their loved ones find effective treatment, and stop feeling as though they are walking on eggshells to avoid confrontations with BPD sufferers.

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Customer Reviews

This was a very informative book.
Great book for families and friends of people with borderline personality disorder.
Therese DEncarnacao
This book helps one understand and take steps to "take your life back".

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

228 of 235 people found the following review helpful By Rachael on May 24, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book is GREAT for understanding BPD, wrapping your head around how this mental illness works and what it looks like.... BUT, as a nonBPD - after years of therapy and trying to use the methods for dealing w/a BPD mother, I finally figured out she would never stop violating the healthy boundaries I finally built, and therefore, it was unhealthy for me to have anything more than a very limited amount of contact with her. Like many adult children of BPD parent(s) (or alcoholic parents), I found this book would add to my overall understanding about my mother, but not necessarily help me understand the effects my mother had on ME. While it was important for my own sake to try and see if I could establish healthier dynamics with my mom, it got to the point where I had to admit defeat - and it would be nice if there were more books/support out there for the idea of ending relationships with toxic parents. Books like "Eggshells" might be more useful for parents of a BPD child/teen, where the choice to end the relationship isn't an option, and where the power is naturally shifted in the direction of the non-BPD. I recommend 'Walking on Eggshells", but I also recommend reading books like "Recovery: A guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics (just replace the word 'alcoholic' with 'BPD') by Gravitz & Bowden, "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward, "Emotional Vampires" by Bernstein, "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Lawson, "Codependent No More" by Beattie, "When you and your mother can't be friends" by Secunda, "Will I ever be good enough?" by McBride, "Healing the child within" by Whitfield, "Boundaries" and "Where to Draw the line" by Anne Katherine, "Healing the Shame that binds you" by Bradshaw, and "The Emotional Incest Syndrome" by Patricia Love. All of these books gave me different pieces that finally help me put the puzzle together of what I went through as a child and the skills I needed to heal myself and be a healthy adult.
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115 of 126 people found the following review helpful By hardwheel on October 13, 2012
Format: Paperback
I was in a relationship with a woman for 18 months that was BPD. I had no idea what a BPD was, and hadn't really realized what I was dealing with until the relationship was pretty much over. I had been accussed of constantly looking at other women, including her best friend, mother and young girls. I put up with this even though I KNEW I hadn't done anything wrong. When we would fight and split up for a day or two, she slept around with several people, and I continued to let it ride for some reason and took her back time after time. She often accused me of having affairs when I traveled at work. She had intense anger that was explosive and uncontrollable...from the tiniest slights like forgetting a date or time we would be doing something. She would drink heavily during them and actually come after me do real harm to me. I put up with this. I had been accussed of being a narcissist and generally horrible person. I started to doubt myself after awhile...Maybe I am really doing these things. Maybe I am this horrible person.

To make a long story VERY short, it wound up ending badly with legal entanglements because of her actions. Once away from her I started to research her behavior and found BPD. Now she has never been diagnosed, and as far as she is concerned, she has NO problem. It's this or that. She will never be better until she faces it. I cannot do that for her. But anyway the book made me realize that I was NOT crazy. It was so hard to get through this. Therapy DOES help a lot, but this book was my salvation. It reads like it was written about she and I. Scarily. Also I had borrowed this book from the library (I have my own copy on the way) and I saw the worn pages, folded corners and stars by sections in the book. I knew I wasn't alone in this.
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176 of 222 people found the following review helpful By J. Furr on January 26, 2010
Format: Paperback
You know how, when you're reading a book, the beginning of a chapter will often consist of an overview, some talking points, maybe a high-level overview of the material to be covered in more depth in the remainder of the chapter?

Okay, now imagine an ENTIRE BOOK made up of nothing but high-level introductory overview material. As I read it, I kept waiting for the authors to say "OKAY, now that we've done the overview, let's really get into the meat of the material" and you know what? They NEVER DID. The entire book was superficial, general, generic, devoid of specifics or any kind of organizational structure that would help tie it all together. In a sense, it was like reading a term paper written by a high school student who started the paper at 10 pm the night before it was due and compensated for the lack of material by triple-spacing each page.

My wife has BPD. Unlike a lot of BPD people, she knows she has BPD. What she doesn't have are strategies for dealing with it, and maybe, if we're lucky, we'll find a mental health professional who can walk her through a program of DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy). In the meanwhile, though, I went into this book hoping to learn some coping strategies to help myself help her and try to minimize the amount of time we spent in pointless arguments and fights.

Didn't get any of that. But I DID get endless, endless self-references to the authors' other works. They self-cite their other books on average about once every five pages. It smacked of multi-level marketing seminars where they keep trying to rope you in to buy additional manuals and stuff and you keep hoping that the next one you buy will be the REAL one, the one with all the stuff you're really after.

My advice: don't buy this book.
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