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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – January 2, 2010

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Editorial Reviews


"Stop Walking on Eggshells makes good on its promise to restore the lives of people in close relationships with someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). It is a rich guide to understanding and coping with the reactions aroused in others by troubling BPD behaviors that negatively impact relationships. Readers will find this book very useful and beneficial."
—Nina W. Brown, EdD, professor and Eminent Scholar at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed

"This book is the absolute go-to guide for my clients who are dealing with a loved one with borderline personality disorder. Readable and thorough, it strikes a perfect balance of practical advice and emotional sensitivity. This book has helped so many people break through their sense of confusion and isolation by helping them to name, understand, and respond to the difficulties of this complex and misunderstood disorder."
—Daniel E. Mattila, M.Div., LCSW

"This book is urgently needed now that a National Institutes of Health study shows that 6 percent of the general population has borderline personality disorder (BPD). I constantly get requests from families needing resources on BPD, and I recommend Stop Walking On Eggshells almost every time. This second edition is really easy to read and packed with even more useful tips for family members in distress."
—Bill Eddy, LCSW, attorney, mediator, clinical social worker, and author of High Conflict People in Legal Disputes and Splitting

"Amazingly, Stop Walking On Eggshells not only teaches readers how to recognize the signs of borderline personality disorder, it also shows how they can make life and relationship decisions based on what they want and need instead of decisions controlled by the illness."
—Julie A. Fast, author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder

From the Publisher

This book helps the friends and family members of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) understand the condition, help their loved ones find effective treatment, and stop feeling as though they are walking on eggshells to avoid confrontations with BPD sufferers.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; Second Edition edition (January 1, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572246901
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572246904
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (514 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,213 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

414 of 429 people found the following review helpful By Human#1192874193457 on May 24, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book is GREAT for understanding BPD, wrapping your head around how this mental illness works and what it looks like.... BUT, as a nonBPD - after years of therapy and trying to use the methods for dealing w/a BPD mother, I finally figured out she would never stop violating the healthy boundaries I finally built, and therefore, it was unhealthy for me to have anything more than a very limited amount of contact with her. Like many adult children of BPD parent(s) (or alcoholic parents), I found this book would add to my overall understanding about my mother, but not necessarily help me understand the effects my mother had on ME. While it was important for my own sake to try and see if I could establish healthier dynamics with my mom, it got to the point where I had to admit defeat - and it would be nice if there were more books/support out there for the idea of ending relationships with toxic parents. Books like "Eggshells" might be more useful for parents of a BPD child/teen, where the choice to end the relationship isn't an option, and where the power is naturally shifted in the direction of the non-BPD. I recommend 'Walking on Eggshells", but I also recommend reading books like "Recovery: A guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics (just replace the word 'alcoholic' with 'BPD') by Gravitz & Bowden, "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward, "Emotional Vampires" by Bernstein, "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Lawson, "Codependent No More" by Beattie, "When you and your mother can't be friends" by Secunda, "Will I ever be good enough?" by McBride, "Healing the child within" by Whitfield, "Boundaries" and "Where to Draw the line" by Anne Katherine, "Healing the Shame that binds you" by Bradshaw, and "The Emotional Incest Syndrome" by Patricia Love. All of these books gave me different pieces that finally help me put the puzzle together of what I went through as a child and the skills I needed to heal myself and be a healthy adult.
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210 of 227 people found the following review helpful By hardwheel on October 13, 2012
Format: Paperback
I was in a relationship with a woman for 18 months that was BPD. I had no idea what a BPD was, and hadn't really realized what I was dealing with until the relationship was pretty much over. I had been accussed of constantly looking at other women, including her best friend, mother and young girls. I put up with this even though I KNEW I hadn't done anything wrong. When we would fight and split up for a day or two, she slept around with several people, and I continued to let it ride for some reason and took her back time after time. She often accused me of having affairs when I traveled at work. She had intense anger that was explosive and uncontrollable...from the tiniest slights like forgetting a date or time we would be doing something. She would drink heavily during them and actually come after me do real harm to me. I put up with this. I had been accussed of being a narcissist and generally horrible person. I started to doubt myself after awhile...Maybe I am really doing these things. Maybe I am this horrible person.

To make a long story VERY short, it wound up ending badly with legal entanglements because of her actions. Once away from her I started to research her behavior and found BPD. Now she has never been diagnosed, and as far as she is concerned, she has NO problem. It's this or that. She will never be better until she faces it. I cannot do that for her. But anyway the book made me realize that I was NOT crazy. It was so hard to get through this. Therapy DOES help a lot, but this book was my salvation. It reads like it was written about she and I. Scarily. Also I had borrowed this book from the library (I have my own copy on the way) and I saw the worn pages, folded corners and stars by sections in the book. I knew I wasn't alone in this.
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106 of 113 people found the following review helpful By R. L. Hodges on January 7, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
There are plenty of books written about navigating the lowest levels of hell to get the borderline personality disorder sufferers in their lives the help they need - and how to attempt to cope with them if they can't. This is one of them, but written in a less of a "sucks to be you" format and more of a "you can actually do something about this" format. There are those of us who might not be "stuck" with a borderline family member and have a little more freedom in deciding if we want this in our lives or not after we come to a full understanding of what Borderline Personality Disorder really, what drives it, and what it can take to get it under control - if ever.

I read a single-star review here on Amazon about this book before buying it. It stated that this book is all about "tough love", which doesn't work for BPs. Actually, it's also the ONLY love that works, or the BP will continue to mow your life down like a monster truck and demand you lay in front of the tires again and again and again, making the situation worse until someone is locked up, homeless, divorced, or dead. This book is about humane, thoughtful, methodical INTERVENTION that at least will get your own life back on its feet even if the PB can't or won't. Just because the BP is in hell doesn't mean they get to take you with them. This book is written for those who are determined to not be the next domino that falls in the borderline's life. This book is about TAKING CHARGE of the situation so you get your life back. It is NOT written to get the BP the help they need, though it does offer critical information on the subject if the BP is agreeable to it. It is written to show you how to get your life back and what choices you can make and how to properly make them for you and/or your children.
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