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Stories I'd Tell My Children (But Maybe Not Until They're Adults)
 
 
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Stories I'd Tell My Children (But Maybe Not Until They're Adults) [Paperback]

Michael N. Marcus (Author), Sheila M. Clark (Editor), Carina Ruotolo (Cover Design)
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)

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Book Description

November 1, 2010
Stories I'd Tell My Children (but maybe not until they're adults)  is mostly hysterically funny, sometimes poignant and profound, often bawdy and always delightful.

The book includes more than 100 stories that span 55 years: pre-school, in school, and after the author had enough school. There's lots of sex, drugs and rock & roll. Even the sex and drug stories are funny.

Some stories were written as  revenge against bad teachers, evil bosses and crazy clients. There are stories about weird relatives, weird food, women the author considered marrying, and the woman he did marry. You'll even learn what his wife had to do in bed to defeat the competition.

Although Michael N. Marcus is a first-year baby-boomer who grew up in the 1950s and 1960s, "This book provides a hilarious look at life for people of all ages who want to roll on the floor, laughing until the tears come." Another reviewer said, "This book is so funny that I nearly peed in my pants. My girlfriend didn't think it was funny, so I got a new girlfriend."

In addition to laughter, the book provides an education. One chapter helps women understand the male fascination with farts and breasts. Another explains how Betty Friedan and Anthony Quinn made 1965 much sexier than 1964.

Other chapters explain the difference between New York and Connecticut mommies, the connection between Sigmund Freud and Groucho Marx, how baseball can be child abuse, how oral sex can be dangerous, what boys don't know about jockstraps and childbirth, the meaning of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," the disgusting secret ingredients in the world's greatest coleslaw, how a free dog can cost $100,000, and how the author conducted a test to determine if he attracted crazy women or drove women crazy.

There are four murders in the book, two failed attempts at maiming, one near-electrocution, one paranormal experience, one story about the loss of virginity with an older woman, one story about sex with a 15-year-old girl (who seemed much older), one story about contemplating sex with another 15-year-old girl, two three-in-a-bed scenes, two episodes of paranoid delusion, one offer of sex from a woman who had escaped from a mental hospital, and three frustrating encounters between a horny heterosexual male and lesbians. These stories are all funny, and guaranteed to be at least 80% true.


Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Reader reactions:

"This book is so funny, I almost peed in my pants. My girlfriend didn't think it was funny, so I got a new girlfriend."

"I loved the chapter with the three-way sex scene. It seemed very familiar. Was I there?"

"I had no idea my uncle was such a stud."

"Who knew you had so much sexual depravity in your past? I'll never look at you the same way."

"How come the 15-year-old girl's father didn't kill him?"

"I never knew sex, drugs and rock & roll could be so funny."

"When does the movie come out? I want to be first on line to see it."

"Having lived through the 1960s, I don't remember much about those days. This book fills in some of the gaps -- hysterically."

"Readers should wear diapers and rubber pants because this book is so funny you're gonna pee in your pants."

"I didn't realize what an A-hole I was back then. If this book wasn't so funny, I'd sue you for libel. Thanks for changing my name."

"I knew the lesbian painter. She was a lousy painter but an excellent lesbian."

"A perfect combination of silliness and seriousness. I worked with you in '72. You remember everything. I'm glad you didn't see me doing anything illegal or stupid."

(Some comments were written about a 2008 book that this 2010 book evolved from.)

About the Author

Michael N. Marcus is a first-year baby-boomer, a writer and a businessman. This is his tenth book. He decided to write it when he was in the sixth grade, way back in 1958, and he finished in 2010. He types faster now.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 324 pages
  • Publisher: Silver Sands Books (November 1, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0981661750
  • ISBN-13: 978-0981661759
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.5 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,871,560 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Personal website:
www.MichaelMarc.us

Publishing website:
www.SilverSandsBooks.com

Blog about books and other things:
www.BookMakingBlog.blogspot.com

Info, help & book reviews for authors:
www.BookFur.com

Pre-publication book assessments
www.RentABookReviewer.com

Hilarious (and sometimes poignant) book:
"Stories I'd Tell My Children (but maybe not until they're adults)"
Available in hardcover, paperback and e-book editions.

----------New books about publishing----------
"STINKERS! America's Worst Self-Published Books"
"Brainy Beginner's Guide to Self-Publishing"
"Self-Publish Your Book Without Losing Your Shirt."
"Get the Most out of a Self-Publishing Company: Make a Better Deal. Make a Better Book."
"Independent Self-Publishing: The Complete Guide"


----------Coming soon----------
"The 100 Worst Self-Publishing Misteaks"
"A Self-Published Book Doesn't Have to be Ugly."
"555 Ways to Self-Publish Better Books"
"Easy E-books"


Michael N. Marcus either is now or has been a journalist, author, publisher, advertising copywriter, public relations practitioner, photographer, band manager, amateur attorney, golf ball SCUBA diver, recording engineer and founder and president of AbleComm, Inc. ("the telecom department store").

He provided the words for over 100 websites and blogs, has been an editor at Rolling Stone, and has written for many other magazines and newspapers. Michael specializes in making technology understandable, and often humorous. He has written over 20 books, and more are planned.

Born in 1946, Michael's a proud member of the first cohort of the Baby Boom, along with Dolly Parton, Candy Bergen, Donny Trump, Billy Clinton and Georgie Bush.

At the urging of a misguided guidance counselor, he went to Lehigh University to become an electrical engineer, and was quickly disappointed to learn that engineering was mostly math -- and slide rules were not as much fun as soldering irons.

Michael was one of the few literate people in his engineer-filled freshman dormitory and made money editing term papers. He got in big trouble when he got caught running intercom wire from his dorm room to a friend's room two floors below, and when an inspector found a payphone in his suitcase.

Later, his college apartment had an elaborate and illegal multi-line phone system, a phone booth with a toilet in it, and an invisible phone activated by two hand claps.

Michael lives in Connecticut with his wife Marilyn, Hunter the Golden Retriever, and a lot of stuff -- including both indoor and outdoor telephone booths, a "Lily Tomlin" switchboard, lots of books, CDs and DVDs, and many black boxes with flashing lights. Marilyn is very tolerant.

 

Customer Reviews

8 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
5.0 out of 5 stars (8 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Liar. Pants on Fire (but not from lies)., June 17, 2011
This review is from: Stories I'd Tell My Children (But Maybe Not Until They're Adults) (Paperback)
If you happen to encounter an individual with a bag over his head, you'll know that Michael Marcus has finally told his stories to his children. This is a lie-a-minute, laugh-a-second romp through his maybe true, maybe not misadventures. Either way, the reader comes out the winner. It's a fun ride all the way.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars I wanna be in the movie!, June 5, 2011
This review is from: Stories I'd Tell My Children (But Maybe Not Until They're Adults) (Paperback)
Funny? Yes! Educational? Yes!
While the book is almost always better than the movie version, I would give up naming rights to my next child, if I can play the main character in the movie version!
Many would be so lucky to experience even half of what is written in this book, so to get an in depth look, is an honor!
Read this book, but do not drink before or during the reading of this book, unless you are wearing rubber pants!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Pants-wettingly funny. I did not want the book to end., April 3, 2011
This review is from: Stories I'd Tell My Children (But Maybe Not Until They're Adults) (Paperback)
I recently read a book about publishing written by Michael N. Marcus.Independent Self-Publishing: The Complete Guide It's a serious topic, and I expected a serious book. Although the book was authoritative, it was not ponderous like some competitive books; and parts of it were unexpectedly funny. Since I became a fan of Marcus's writing style, I was pleased to see information about his other books in the back of the one I read.

I immediately downloaded an eBook edition of his "Stories I'd Tell My Children (but maybe not until they're adults)" and I was laughing hysterically within seconds, and kept laughing even after I finished the book. I'm laughing even as I think about the book to write this review. I can't remember when I had so much fun for so little money.

Although I did not live where Marcus lived, go to school where he went to school, or work where he worked, I could easily identify with him.

While the characters and incidents in the book are very specific, they are also universal and I could easily identify with them. Marcus's story-telling ability is amazing, and will appeal to people of both genders and all ages. He reminds me of the late/great Jean Shepherd. I'm a big fan of "Shep" and was pleased to note that Marcus considers Shep to be one of his literary gods (along with Dave Barry, Matt Groening and others).

I had an internal conflict while reading the book. I found myself reading quickly because I was having such a good time that I wanted to get to the next chapter and the next and the next . . . but I also wanted to read s l o w l y to prolong the pleasure.

I must point out that some parts of the book are not pants-wettingly funny. Some stories are poignant, or unhappy -- as is life itself. But Marcus is able to make his unhappy times entertaining and captivating -- and very often funny.

The book even provides an education. Marcus's explanation of the male fascination with farts and breasts was enlightening -- and hysterical.

This book could make a corpse smile. BUY IT.
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