Customer Reviews

The Story of David

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Told from the perspective of an adoptive father, this is a very realistic view of one family's open adoption. This dad holds nothing back as he describes the ups and downs of building his family. While not all open adoptions involve such an *intense* relationships, his story provides one example of success *for them* (at least up until the time the book was written.) Each open adoption is different, as my husband and I have learned with each of our daughters' open situations. Even though the author's experience is different from our own (we don't have the intensity of contact with birthparents they have), we can still learn from it. The author's story also provides a voice for the unspoken emotions of many adoptive parents. While their openness has consumed their lives, it is refreshing to read about someone else who is willing to offer an adopted child full knowledge of his/her birth heritage. It is quick reading, a book that is difficult to put down once you start.

This book is by adoptive parents who treat their new family in a humane way--without the secrets and lies of closed adoption. I wouldn't recommend it as the first book prospective adoptive parents read on the topic, because the extreme openness of the Howells' adoption might make them think they had to achieve such closeness right away, but I do recommend it be read. I cannot fathom the comments of the reviewer above. Is she even a triad member?

In short, a good book on an important topic.

I completly disagree with the review that Kirkus Reviews has posted. This book changed my life after I read it. Like Nancy, I became pregnant in high school with the only reasonable alternative to be adoption. After speaking with a number of agencies, I decided that I wouldn't be able to place my child in the traditional, closed adoption. I loved the idea of open adoption because I could continue to see my son and keep in contact with him while continuing on with my own life. When he comes of age and understands what the situation is, I will be able to tell him why I made my decision and why I placed him. He won't question my love for him since I have played such an active role in his life. I understand that some people, birth parents as well as adoptive parents, may not agree or feel they could be a part of this type of relationship, but we think it works just fine for us.

WE WERE GOING THROUGH AN OPEN ADOPTION THAT HAD IT'S MOMENTS. I HEARD OF THIS BOOK BECAUSE THE SUBJECTS WERE ON A TALK SHOW AND I THEN PURCHASED THE BOOK. IT KEPT ME GOING AND I WAS AMAZED AT HOW SIMILAR THE HOWELLS' CONCERNS WERE WITH OUR OWN. IT WAS NICE TO SEE HOW IT IS POSSIBLE FOR EVERYONE IN THE ADOPTION PROCESS TO WORK TOGETHER FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE CHILD INVOLVED. FOR THE REST OF THE CHILD'S LIFE THEY WILL NEVER QUESTION WHO THE ARE OR WHERE THEY CAME FROM. I ONLY HOPE THAT OUR STORY TURNS OUT AS WONDERFULLY AS THIS ONE DID.

The goal of open adoption is to make sure the child knows his background and who he is. However, in "The Story of David: How we created a family through open adoption", I fear the child will always be confused not about his background, but about his future and his place in two families fused through open adoption.

Dion and Carey Howells start out basically experimenting with the concept of open adoption with no real guide to follow. They make up the rules as they go along; unfortunately, they are pulled into the painful emotions of a mom, Nancy, placing her child for adoption. This causes Dion and Carey untold amounts of anguish, to the point where they fight against the concept of what adoption is - a child given up by his biological mother at birth and placed with another family. So emotional are they over Nancy's decision, they run the risk of not having a child at all.

Once David is placed with Dion and Carey, the relationship they started with Nancy and her family continues; confusing family boundry lines in a mishmash of grandmas, grandpas and even mothers.

No one wants to make an adopted child stand out from his peers by placing emphasis on how he came into his present family, but through the process Dion and Carey followed, David will stand out among his peers as someone who has multiple family members created through open adoption and I fear as he gets older, he will have a hard time distinguishing who is who.

Finally, because of the anguish Dion and Carey placed themselves in over Nancy's having to relinquish parental rights, they have decided against adopting any other children; denying David any siblings. Unfortunately, they will have to rely on Nancy providing David with any "brothers" or "sisters".

This book was written when David was approximately 4 years old. Since their open adoption was bascially an experiment, I would be curious to see how this experiment turns out. Too many factors are out of the hands of Dion and Carey - their! future relationship with Nancy, her husband, child and extended family; and how they will deal with David's feelings should any members of Nancy's family decide to move or end the open adoption relationship.

Too many unknowns to risk with a child.