15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
An excellent writer tackles a problem many of us share, August 12, 2004
Perhaps I am a bit jaded; my father-in-law is in the late stages of dementia, and over the years I have read many books written by relatives who watch over a loved one's decline into this disease.
What Sue Miller adds to this "genre" is the general excellence of her writing. (Miller is well-known as the author of novels such as "The Good Mother.") Thus, "The Story of My Father" rises above the sad story of her father's decline (a story whose outlines will be familiar to many of us) and gives us more, a touching portrait of the man her father was throughout his life.
I did not learn anything new about Alzheimer's from reading this book. But I think most of us read books like this not for the medical facts, but for the sense that we are not alone, that other people have been there, too. If that describes you well, you will find "The Story of My Father" a very sympathetic choice.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Somewhat kindred spirits...., March 17, 2003
By A Customer
I pre-ordered this book after reading a review of its subject matter. Although I'm not sure it will reach a reading audience wider than those who know a family member or friend who has Alzheimer's, but it could educate others willing to read Miller's book.
My father is a retired Episcopal priest who is afflicted with Alzheimer's-like dementia and is currently in a nursing home Alzeheimer's unit after the death of my mother in 2001. Such nursing care was evidentally, sadly, unavailable to Miller's father. My mother was my father's primary caregiver as he descended further into dementia, with its cruel behaviors expressed erratically, resulting in confusion for the afflicted person as well as emotional and physical abuses to those who knew him before this hideous disease destroyed his brain and much of his memory. My mother also tried to do those monumental caregiving tasks with very minimal outside assistance. Not a good idea. It was her choice, despite my brother and myself trying to convince her otherwise. I know she saw it as an act of devotion to him, but with her own health problems ignored, she began to fail, both physically and mentally. Those who have dealt with Alzheimer's directly or indirectly, know that it is not uncommon for "devoted" caregivers to be the first to die almost literally from self-neglect.
Miller's memoir of her father reminded me at times of my own relationships with my parents growing up, so I could relate to much of what she has written here. Like Miller, my academic background was in English and writing, including receiving a graduate degree in English. Unlike Miller, I became a licensed clinical social worker in recent years as a result of returning to graduate school for a second time to pursue a professional degree in that field. Unlike Miller, as my father has descended into Alzheimer's dementia, I could at times "enter the world" of my father to understand some of the delusions, which my mother fought against--his delusions often (understandably) frustrated her. Like Miller tells about her own father, the father I knew is "gone" now. Though his physical being is still in this world.
Miller may agree with one wish my mother and I discussed several years ago. If we could have one thing back about my father/her husband--it would be his marvelous intelligence. I also miss his humor. Miller's humor as revealed in "Thirty Dirty Purple Birds" made me smile through the journey she told in her book.
Besides possibly appealing only to a limited audience, I was somewhat mystified why Miller would not reveal her father's religious denomination. Had I not recognized the seminary her father attended when she mentioned it and its Presbyterian affiliation, that information would have remained a mystery to me, another "clergy brat." Not that such information is that crucial, but I wondered why she left it out. All I could think was she approached it as she did to make her story a more universal view of having a parent afflicted with Alzheimer's, and by putting more religious-related parameters on her father's story than she did, might lose potential readers. Alzheimer's as a subject matter will lose some readers, anyway (unfortunately.) This disease will continue to affect others if a cure is not found, and as life expectancy continues to lengthen. This disease is a "curse" I would not wish on anyone.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Losing a father, finding a self, July 9, 2003
I have not been so moved by a book since the death of my own father 10 years ago. Sue Miller's memoir of her father's last years with Alzheimer's Disease tells the reader more about her than about her father. Her ability to stay connected to the complexity of feelings she experienced, even when they overwhelmed her and she couldn't articulate them, is astounding. Most moving of all is her father's final gift to her - a much deeper understanding of herself, of him. and of their relationship.
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