Customer Reviews

Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love

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I learned alot about myself and others by reading this book. Great advice copuled with humorous and spot-on observations.

Angelo Pezzote targets masculinity--or, more precisely, gay men's alleged preoccupation with living up to society's standards of masculinity--as the crippling force behind many gay men's inability to cultivate healthy romantic relationships. And he has a point, to some extent. Pezzote does a very good job of describing, in fairly clear terms, why the unreasonable standards of masculinity handcuff us into believing that we are not "real men" and prevent us from becoming or finding the "right man." Whether intentional or not, he distills many of the principles of queer theory into his analysis, and he advocates the full expression of all facets of our character in the performance of our identities as gay men. Pezzote has a firm grasp of the issues that confront gay men, and he offers many practical suggestions for overcoming the roadblocks that we face as we seek happiness. This is a great little self-help book, suitable for just about any gay man, from those who are recently out to those who have been out for a while and still can't seem to figure out the puzzle of gay dating (I fit into the latter group). I found myself nodding and exclaiming "YES!" as I read numerous passages, and it felt good to know that I am not the only one who experiences frustration and sadness surrounding the issue of dating and companionship.

But I also found myself seeking answers--and hoping for discussions--that Pezzote neglected to address. For example, he does a very good job of deconstructing masculinity and showing its devastating effects on gay men's self-image. And he also alludes to the idea that masculinity and being gay need not be mutually exclusive categories. But I kept hoping that he would say more about how we can construct and perform gay masculinity, especially since, as he acknowledges, masculinity is what attracts most gay men to other men. I intend to adopt some of his ideas and strategies, and I do hope they work, because they seem to make a great deal of sense. Whatever the outcome, taking steps to feel better about myself certainly couldn't hurt.

Everyone can learn something about self-discovery and courage from "Straight Acting," as this is one of the most complex books to have been written about masculinity, and finding true love. Straight Acting is a book in which virtually every gay man will see himself.

The author Angelo Pezzote has provided us with a thorough and much-needed guide to dealing with the complex issues involved in all aspects of masculinity and homosexuality. This is a book that you could find yourself reading time and time again.

Be Safe-
Dennis Schleicher, support group counselor & best-selling author of; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries

THIS BOOK IS ABOUT KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCES AND FACTS I STRONGLY RECOMMENDED ! YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE SOME THINGS NOT ALL! BUT MOST OF ALL ACCEPT YOURSELF IF YOU CAN NOT CHANGE SOME THINGS THAT IS NATURAL FROM BIRTH!
"YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" BY CRISTINA AGUILERA

My only regret when reading Angelo Pezzote's "Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love" was realizing that, given the title, "straight" men everywhere may not read the book, missing out on the powerful, transformational, life-affirming consequences.

In Straight Acting, Pezzote skillfully and with heart and passion describes the behavioral, emotional and spiritual prison most men are trapped in, and details the escape route for any man to live more openly and freely within himself and in the real world

Pezzote's book is filled with words of wisdom for moms, wives, sisters, girlfriends, and daughters as well. All men and anyone in relationship with a man (fathers, brothers, sons, husbands, boyfriends) have something to learn from reading "Straight Acting."

What strikes me about Angelo's book is that almost every sentence packs a punch--one could give an entire lecture about each couple of sentences.

As a counselor for women who find themselves in marriages to gay men, as well as for men who are working on coming out issues, I found this book to be the most helpful book I have read to date in understanding the struggles that gay men go through. Angelo Pezzote eloquently explained the journey that gay men must travel in their lives which is often not an easy one. In a society where homophobia still runs rampant, coming out takes tremendous courage. Before a man can come out, he must first learn to accept himself and his homosexuality which is often a stumbling point due to numerous reasons. The beauty of this book is that it explains in such easy-to-understand terms how gay men can learn to feel comfortable with themselves instead of hiding behind a "straight" mask. I found this book sensitive, insightful, and informative. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants a better understanding of the struggles that gay men face in our society.

I enjoyed this book. It's well written and very informative on the subject of masculinity. I've never really thought about it but after reading this book I can see how peoples perception of masculinity defines so much of our culture (gay and straight). I have to agree with the author, It's time to break away from our comfort zone and be ourselves. It has the power to fix so much that's broken.

I first discovered Angelo Pezzote's "Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love" through a Google search on gay male relationships. I soon ordered my own personal copy, and read it from cover to cover. I loved every minute of it and I most definitely recommend this title, especially to gay men who have experienced extreme frustration in finding a meaningful romantic relationship with another man.

I first came out in the mid-1990s, a time that may not have been as hostile to gays as the 1970s, but homophobia most definitely still existed. And still does. As a young gay man I frequented the gay and lesbian section at local bookstores such as Barnes & Nobles in search of non-fiction books with information about gay men's issues. Back in those days, the few available books on this I came across seemed to be written on a second grade reading level (if not worse), and, quite unfairly, the vast, overwhelming majority of psychology/therapy books available on the topic of romantic relationships were written for heterosexual couples ONLY. Angelo Pezzote's "Straight Acting" is a much needed contribution to an unjustly neglected sector of psychology: the therapeutic treatment of gay men.

I see from other user reviews on this page, that some think the author seems to despise masculinity and thinks gay men should all be effeminate, flamboyant stereotypes. With all due respect, I think that those who are of that view are missing the entire POINT that Angelo is trying to make; which is that most gay men have been subconsciously programmed to detest anything in themselves that would be considered "feminine" by American culture, and subsequently, they go to extreme lengths to completely eradicate any sort of "femininity" in themselves and end up creating HUGE blockage in personal relationships. In a nutshell, that is why he believes many gay male relationships don't "work out." He is NOT saying that we, as gay men, are supposed to be "flamers." What he is saying, however, is that there is nothing wrong with being gay, in and of itself. The crux of "Straight Acting" is Pezzote's theory of masculinity, which is a complex concept, and it requires actually reading his book thoroughly from start to finish, in order to begin to digest and comprehend.

Pezzote does not attempt to conceal his feelings of disenchantment and disappointment with the gay community at large. Having spent considerable time in the Chelsea and West Hollywood areas myself, I would say that I attest that there is, at definite moments, salient dissension and animus between the men in various gay social circles. It's a complicated social dynamic, and "Straight Acting" explains how this discord and lack of unity in the gay male community is jeopardous to our mental health and well being. All gay men should take note of this issue, in particular.

Love with another man is a special something we as gay men long for, and there is no deficiency of disgruntlement and chagrin among those in the gay male community about the seemingly insurmountable strenuousness involved in meeting a (handsome, attractive!) gay man, going out on a date with him that isn't a complete disaster, and just making the damn relationship work! Angelo, drawing from real life clinical experience, explains key pitfalls of unawareness, that most likely inhibit many gay men from experiencing satisfaction in their love lives. In his style, both informative and accessible, Angelo explains the dynamics of the male/male relationship and provides valuable insight into creating the framework in a gay man's life for self-acceptable, emotionally stability, and inviting the love inside to stay.

Lastly, I want to add that I also recommend "Straight Acting" to those who DON'T identify as gay men; to those who are seeking an honest understanding of what it is like to be a gay man: to experience feelings of romantic attraction, love, and longing for another man. In society, generally speaking, gay men are still misunderstood by so many, homophobia is FAR from obsolete, and "Straight Acting" takes you through a journey in our shoes: of the shame and rejection forced on us by the environments we've grown up in, the hostility we encounter from religious institutions, and the sheer pain so many of us have endured: growing up and becoming men -- who are sexually attracted to men.

Buy your personal copy. Also visit Angelo's website:[...]

Enjoy finding true love!

STRAIGHT ACTING by Angelo Pezzote is a decent book that's trying to teach gay men about self-acceptance and finding inner peace and love.

Many gay men tend to struggle with their identity about not being "masculine" enough and so they over compensate by mimicking stereotypical male behavior like becoming emotionally unavailable and building up a wall around themselves never letting anyone get close to them. This affects not only their inability to maintain loving relationships with other gay men, but also close friendships. Pezzote's book addresses these issues with the "what" and "why" this happens, along with solutions.

He uses quotes from other doctors and psychiatrists as well as studies conducted by different organizations and his own experience both as a therapist and columnist, and his own life. The author also uses questions and answers from his advice column (Ask Angelo) to exemplify each chapter and the issue it's dealing with.

Although he can be long winded on some chapters (no offense), Pezzote's advice really hits home on the "straight acting" issue that most gay men would rather not acknowledge. The Q&A sections break up the constant hammering of each chapter's idea nicely, so even if the author starts rambling it doesn't get boring or tedious.

I really like the bonus chapter 8 which provides dating advice and more including how to spot red flags, safe-sex tips, and how to keep the relationship fires burning; all written in "top 10 tips" format. It's like having an older brother telling you all the things you need to know before you strike out on your own.

This book is great for gay men of all ages, but I think it would be particularly helpful to young men who probably have many questions about themselves and about other gay men. STRAIGHT ACTING will definitely help them start on the right foot with learning to love themselves first before looking for someone to fill that need.

The book opens with this impressive endorsement, "There is no such thing as a 'real man,' only millions of men -- straight and gay -- trying to convince themselves and others that they have the right stuff. In Straight Acting, Angelo Pezzote peers behind the curtain to uncover the human costs of this relentless masculine performance. His immediate concern is gay men, but all men who seek love, intimacy, and most of all self-respect can benefit from the honesty and wisdom in these pages.
-- Jackson Katz, creator of the award-winning educational film Tough Guise: Violence, Media and the Crisis in Masculinity."

As a straight man I could not agree more. Every man should read this book because every man can benefit from it.