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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone; 1.2.2005 edition (February 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743258533
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743258531
  • Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.7 x 7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #243,167 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Jen Sincero is a musician, comedienne, and the author of the novel Don't Sleep with Your Drummer. At the moment she lives in California and can be found on the web at www.jensincero.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

introduction: The Joy of Sex with Chicks

I think my first sexual encounter with a member of the same sex happened when I was seven. My friend Wendy and I would spend hours playing with these little plastic Fisher-Price people who came with cars and houses and villages and stuff. We'd make up stories about them, have them go to work and cook dinner, and when they were bad we'd send them off to The Big Ween. "Uh-oh, Sally didn't do her homework again," Wendy would say, kicking off her panties and lying on the floor. She'd hold terrified little plastic Sally up in the air and announce to the entire Fisher-Price community that "Sally was bad and must go to The Big Ween," then slowly lower the toy between her legs. I'd watch mesmerized as Wendy rubbed Sally around and around, stopping only when Wendy's My First Pussy had gotten its fill. Inevitably, moments later, my own Mr. Smith would wind up telling a lie or robbing the Fisher-Price bank and my panties would go flying across the room. "Uhhhh-ohhhhhh!"

I'm not sure if this counts as sex, since there were actually two The Big Weens, Wendy overseeing operations at hers and me at mine, but I do know that for me it wasn't all innocent play. I was a really sexual kid who started masturbating at around five years old, and who was constantly getting sent to my room for greeting company with my hand down my pants. So I find it kind of surprising, since I was such an early enthusiast and a curious person in general, that it took me until my thirties to really get down and dirty with another woman. I'd done my fair share of dabbling, made out with a few drunk friends, and groped the occasional boob here and there, but nothing all that intimate ever happened. It was usually the result of being wasted and figuring that if there were no cute guys around I might as well pin Sharon to the couch. And it never went beyond that until my thirties. Maybe I was too uptight or too immature, or maybe all my friends were just uglier back then -- whatever the reason, it took me a couple decades before I found myself face to face with The Big Ween again. And much to my surprise, just like little plastic Sally, I got sucked in by it.

At the risk of never getting laid again, I decided I'd write a book, because my experiences with women affected me in such a radical and positive way I had to make sure other women knew about it. I wanted everyone who's ever thought about it to try it. So what if I repelled future lovers, terrified that their most intimate secrets might wind up somewhere on page 84?

It was like I'd learned a whole new language that suddenly allowed me to communicate with members of my own gender in a way I never had before. As if sex wasn't already fabulous enough, I'd just doubled my fun by transforming the other half of the population into possible bedmates. It did incredible things for my confidence as a woman and as a sexual being, and whether or not I ever meet a woman I want to sleep with again, I'm really grateful I've done it. Several things in particular about the experience really struck me, because they were so remarkably different from being with a guy:

1. When you're with another chick, the roles can switch back and forth in a much more equal and fluid way than they do with a guy. You can be the butch one, totally in control, throwing her around in bed, and then switch to being submissive and girly. It obviously depends on who you're sleeping with, since many women identify with being more dominant or submissive and aren't up for flippy-flopping, but if you get with someone who hasn't chosen sides you can switch back and forth and feel fully in either role, which I find incredibly hot. This is not to say that you can't do something similar with men -- I've been with some stunningly open and experimental guys -- but even if you put them in a dress, strap them down, and make them call you Daddy, they still have a dick and you still have a pussy, which automatically makes them more masculine and you more feminine. Without that biological reality, you're totally free to be whatever, and I found it incredibly liberating and exciting to really feel one hundred percent on both sides.

2. The way women orgasm is so different from the way guys do. We don't need to stop and recharge before starting up again, so we can go on and on till the break of dawn without a time-out. I've never in my life had nonstop sessions like the ones I had with girls. It's crazy! It can bring you to a state of prolonged excitement that's almost unbearable. There were times when I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack.

3. I found that every time I did something to her, I could imagine I was doing it to myself. So much so that I could practically feel it even if I wasn't touching myself at all. The combo of watching her get off and imagining exactly what it must feel like could bring me to orgasm.

4. Women's bodies are unbelievably soft! They're like the softest pillows in the world. This has made me totally understand why men go apeshit over us. It also made me aware of my own body's softness, and it made me feel incredibly sexy in a way I never had before.

5. Lastly, because we live in a society that has a large stick up its ass, and also because my sexual hometown is Straightyville, sleeping with someone I wasn't "supposed" to made me feel kind of kinky. This turned me on like nobody's business. I felt a teeny bit nasty, dirty, and queer, and I think this helped inspire me to step outside my sexual box more than I ever had before. I did stuff with girls that I'd always wanted to try -- we went to sex clubs, tied each other up, dabbled in S&M, and enjoyed the wide world of sex toys. I attribute a large part of this to the fact that I was with like-minded kinky and adventurous souls whom I trusted and who I was sexually compatible with. But also, the fact that they were women broke the dam of my usual sexual behavior and opened me up to a flood of new experiences.

The whole thing was so inspiring I immediately started handing out surveys and interviewing other people to hear their stories and to get all angles. The more women I talked to, the more I learned that sleeping with chicks was either on the majority's to do list or already crossed off. Even the people who really looked like respectable, take-yourself-and-your-filthy-questionnaire-off-my-property types were game. And I have to say that the majority of them gave the whole experience an enthusiastic two thumbs up. They couldn't wait to spill the beans to me -- in graphic detail, I might add -- and I couldn't get over how inspiring it was to learn that all these women are out there fearlessly pushing the sexual envelope. Girls are curious. Girls are hot. Chicks dig 'em!

When looking for people to survey, I cast as wide a net as possible. Tons of different factors go into determining how we approach sex in general: religion, age, parental influence, general uptightness, tequila shots...In the fifties you saved yourself for marriage, while today everyone's starting to screw at an age once associated with hopscotch and noogies. Asking the same questions of people from different planets resulted in a wide variety of answers. And I'd like to say I represented all groups equally, but I'm afraid I didn't -- most of the women in the over-seventy-years-old demographic whom I dared approach treated me like a filthy whore, so I wasn't able to get as wide an age range as I would have liked.

I spoke with straight chicks who've slept with straight chicks; straight chicks who've slept with lesbians; straight chicks who've done both or neither or were too drunk to remember; lesbians who've slept with straight chicks; bisexuals; undecideds; and my mother. I put up flyers on college campuses, online, in bars, and in the lobby of a nursing home. One underlying theme kept repeating itself: women connect with women. We can talk to women easily, relate to their issues, process our "stuff" and provide emotional support on a level that suggests a deep spiritual connection. I know this is a big fat generalization -- certainly there are women I'd rather kick into an empty pool than talk to for three minutes -- but in general there's an emotional language specific to women that creates a certain bond. And when you take the leap and bring good old sex into this equation, it can really make your hair stand up. Whether you're slamming Mary in the bathroom stall or picking out china patterns with Tiffany, you stand to touch on something deeper than you may have counted on.

This fact kind of tossed a monkey wrench into my plan. I'd set out to write a funny, sexy, sassy book that people could give as a gift or leave on their coffee tables to liven up a cocktail party. Something that people could flip through, laugh at, and slap their hand over their mouths, squealing, "Oh my god, my husband and I tag-teamed our nanny, too!" I do believe I accomplished this, but really delving into the subject of sex with chicks made me realize that there's a whole lot more I needed to talk about. Sex is heavy, and sex with women can be as deep as it is liberating. It allows us to break free of heterosexual roles and expectations and explore sex in a whole new way. We get to experience a similar body that'll give us incredible insights into our own. The fact that I'd overcome my inhibitions about being with women opened me up to trying things with them that I was too shy to try with a guy. It made anything possible, and I know I'm a better lover today because of it.

Another thing that may take some by surprise is that it's possible to become attached even if you're "straight." If your experience lasts longer than a happy hour, it can have the added extra weight of the aforementioned female bonding. If you're having hot sex with a chick on a regular basis, chances are very good you're also connecting with her emotionally, which can totally screw up the free-and-easy "I'm not hungry, I'll just pick" position we straight girls can go at it from. In fact, it's not at all uncommon for straight women to get into committed, monogamous relationships with other women. "It was total addiction from the get-go," says Carrie, 41. "We were madly in love. I felt a certain connection and understanding with her that I never got with any man. When we broke up, it was more for personality reasons than the fact that she was a woman."

As for my own experience with dating women, I was more confused than committed. I'd never had crushes on women, never done my signature calling-and-hanging-up routine, never turned down a piece of chocolate cake because thoughts of Amanda had filled my stomach with butterflies. Then, all of a sudden, I found myself with an incredible woman who got it and me, and the sex was hot as hell, and before I knew it I was in a relationship. I'd never connected with anyone the way I did with her, and that definitely articulated itself sexually as well. She listened to me as no guy ever did and she totally knew where I was coming from. If I was weeping at a commercial, instead of looking at me as if I was insane she'd grab me a tissue. She understood my mood swings and my feelings, and could fully articulate her own. I felt nurtured and safe and understood. But -- unfortunately -- I wouldn't/couldn't/didn't get all the way in. Because although there's no questioning that I loved her, the feeling lacked a certain tug I was used to feeling for guys. Granted, I've felt that tug for guys who live in their cars and refuse to hold my hand in public, but I need the tug. It marks the difference between someone you're crazy about and someone you're in love with. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. Was I using the tug as an excuse because I was scared to be with a woman for real? Was I tugless because she just wasn't the one? Am I just a big fat dick-lovin' whore and that's that?

It didn't help that I was constantly being bombarded with questions along the lines of "So, like, are you a lesbian now, or what?" It's the first thing that everybody asked me when I told them I was seeing a chick, and it brings up a question that needs to be addressed. What the hell does it mean to be straight or gay or bi or whatever? And why does it matter?

Labels are indeed for cans and for lazy authors, and for people who are generally uncomfy without everything being put in neat little boxes. Labels are hopelessly pointless. I know several women who were out and proud and fully lesbian identified for decades who are now allegedly Mrs. John Straightypants. Then there are women who were once staunch straights who are now shacking up with chicks. There are bisexual women who like fucking gay boys, gay men who like fucking women who used to be men, people who dress up like stuffed animals and fuck each other, and on and on and on. It's murky out there in sexland. Humans have been screwing anything that'll hold still long enough since the beginning of time, and trying to figure out what and why in order to catalogue it all is a big fat waste of time.

But I have a book to write here and I need to identify people somehow.

Ideally this book would be titled A Guide for Women Who Usually Have Sexual Relationships with Men and Who Would Now Like to Explore Sexual Relationships and/or Brief Encounters with Women. Instead I'm going to be a hypocrite and fall back on using the standard labels I so enjoy looking down upon. I hope that everyone who reads this assumes the definition in my ideal title is what I'm talking about when I say "straight" (I also refuse to put quotes around the word "straight" for the duration of the book). This may sound nitpicky, but the world of sexual identification is a vast and political one that most heteros are completely oblivious to, since we haven't had to go to battle with popular opinion over our sexual preferences. Those of you who decide to step over the heterosexual boundaries may get an unexpected taste of how the other half lives. You may suddenly be challenged by the heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual communities to define your sexuality, and chastised when you don't adhere to certain rules. You may also find that you're suddenly demanding some explanations from yourself.

For the majority of women I spoke with, however, leaving the warm, secure confines of Hetero World was totally worth it. "You get to have this thrill ride with something taboo," one experienced dabbler explained. "It's like a secret weapon that ups your sexual confidence. It made me feel really powerful. And tingly. There's something really sublime about connecting with another woman that way." "There's something about a woman's body that's just so sensual," another wannabe said. "It seems kind of safe and terrifying at the same time." I spoke with women who fantasize about sex with women but have no interest in making it happen, those who only want to do it to please their boyfriends, and one experienced lady who said: "I'll fuck anything when I'm drunk."

Whatever your reasons may be, you certainly have nothing to lose by trying it. For me, sleeping with a woman was like taking a superhero pill. It inspired interesting discussions with friends, family, and a slew of strangers. It opened me up to the incredibly diverse world of sexuality that I'd only dipped my toe into before and which I'm now fascinated by. As with anything else in life that intrigues you, you'll feel a lot worse for never trying it than you will for trying it and having it not work out. Why die wondering?

Copyright © 2005 by Jen Sincero

More About the Author

Jen Sincero is a Bestselling author, success coach and motivational cattle prod who gave up her home in California in early 2011 to travel the world indefinitely and encourage people to live lives of unbridled awesomenes.

Over the years, Jen has helped countless people transform their personal and professional lives via her private sessions, public appearances, newsletters and books such as, "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life". She's spoken on stages all over the world and has helped her clients build their dream businesses, become NY Times Bestselling authors, navigate million dollar business deals, find their soul mates and forgive their bitchy mothers who they now realize were doing the best they could. Jen has run her business from all corners of the globe and is really sick of writing in the third person.

I got my first real job, one that didn't involve wearing a hairnet or bending over the hood of a wet car with a towel in my hand, in the early 90′s working for CBS Records. While there I started my first of several rock bands and eventually wrote my first book, the semi-autobiographical novel, "Don't Sleep With Your Drummer."

When my plans to become a world-famous rockstar didn't pan out, I decided to try being a lesbian instead, didn't pull that off either, and wrote my second book, the national Bestseller "The Straight Girl's Guide To Sleeping With Chicks".

My hope is that by speaking, coaching and writing about all the things that make me excited to be spinning around on this planet of ours, I'll inspire you to recognize, and pursue, whatever it is that floats your banana, to tap into your own little badass, to be you times two, large and in charge, huge like The Nuge.

Customer Reviews

Honestly, I wish I'd read this book before the first time I had sex!
R. Pylman
Ms Sincero makes me wish I was a woman, she makes `picking up chicks' sound like for a woman it's even more fun than for a man.
Lloyd R. Stevenson
She also provides resources that will help you "get it on," even if you're not ready to actually get it on with another person.
C. Greenburg

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

151 of 157 people found the following review helpful By C. Greenburg on April 16, 2005
Format: Paperback
Jen writes so honestly, straight from the heart. This is, and I wish there was a more eloquent way to put this, a cool book. She does not shy away from the real deal facts of love, sex, exploration... in fact, she doesn't shy away from anything. It's as if you're reading a book from a regular gal who has one freaky sidenote, she does not get embarrassed! Which means you won't get embarrassed. Most of your fears will be allayed and man, once you are done, you will be fully versed on the inner workings of the female body, yours and others, and what turns said body on. Let's just say that can be very helpful.

So, this is the deal, if you've ever thought of switch-hitting or just wanted to know how it actually works, Jen tells you in graphic sapphic detail (delightful illustrations are a plus. I don't know who did them but they're hilarious and cute and informative). She also provides resources that will help you "get it on," even if you're not ready to actually get it on with another person. And if you're a girl and you really do want to just go out there and see what's what with the ladies, there are certain details here that will make you seem like an expert in what up until now might be unchartered territory. It takes away the scary and the stigma by giving you all the answers to your questions and more answers to questions you will be glad you were given, if you actually get a girl to go home with you.

I think what's refreshing is this could have easily been just another sleazoid book or a "Ha ha, look what I got you on your wedding night!" party gift. Instead it's an informative, smart, emotionally evolved, well-designed, entertaining and humorous "how-to" guide.
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34 of 34 people found the following review helpful By Xentac on March 21, 2005
Format: Paperback
I have purchased and passed out at least a case of these books, not necessarily for the "girl-on-girl" parts, but for the chapter titled, "The Super-Huge Importance of Sticking Your Hand Down Your Pants." That by itself is a must read for anyone who wants (no - NEEDS) to be put more in touch with their own sexuality, never mind what gender you prefer. (Don't get me wrong - the rest of the book is pretty fantastic too.) I am constantly amazed at how taboo the subject of pleasure in one's own body is, and this book provides an amazing way to convey the message that we, as women, deserve to be our own sexual best friends before expecting someone else to make us happy. Then it shows us how!! This is of course not to say that those of us who revel in our own sexuality on most levels won't find something new and different - I found myself laughing out loud at some of the situations the author placed herself in, and very able to identify! It's also not just about sex-for-sex-sake, or picking up women, or one night stands; there is great information in here for long-term, committed relationships in here too. I may never actually seek out sex with a woman (though I'm not opposed), but don't think the title and alleged gender specificity in any way detracts from the many lessons to be learned from this book. It's about time!! (And it doesn't hurt at all that this chick is damn funny, and can WRITE!)
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253 of 285 people found the following review helpful By Jenifer M on April 8, 2005
Format: Paperback
I thoroughly loved the premise of this book, namely telling other "straight" women that it's ok to sleep with ourselves. I thought it was refreshing since, for once, the author wasn't a born lesbian releasing herself from society's repression of a too-tightly clasped underwire bra. She was instead a hetero female - who wanted to remain as such - but was basking resplendently in her new found sexual awakening, so much so that she wanted to share it with others by writing a book.

Some of the author's best revelations come early (in the introduction); that women's bodies are unbelievably soft, and that making love to another woman is very much like making love to one's self. Fortunately, they got better (and fresher). Because women don't deplete themselves during sex, their stamina can be greater - and sex can last all night until daybreak. Also, two women together are freer to trade the dominant role back and forth, something that a woman might not be able to do with her man, not just because of social norms - but because the respective equipment is just too distracting -- and one set may be too difficult to reclassify in a more subservient role. (I'm not sure that I would buy that men can't be subservient, especially with all the S/M out there. But I would agree that taking the dominant role, as a woman, is sometimes easier - with another woman - mainly because her body is so soft and enticing. Nothing a man can offer, for example, is as seductive as a nipple thrusted wantonly into one's eye, or between one's lips. And a woman's genitalia -- even when you're under it - isn't going to be as domineering or as insistent as a man's.)

Her last revelation, of course, is that making love to another woman is exciting - precisely because it is forbidden.
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17 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Vanessa on February 3, 2005
Format: Paperback
I heard the author spaeaking about this book on the radio last night. She was really cool and candid about everything she has experienced. The book is supposed to be a guide for girls that consider themselves straight. There are a lot af women who may want to have some fun, maybe with more than one person at a time--but there preference is not women( i.e., It is meant for women who are more attracted to men than they are women). Some women who are new to this might not know what to say to another girl..this guide is supposed to help with those odd situations. Oh, and the illustrations are fun and hilarious!
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