Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together [Paperback]

Robert A. Bernstein (Author), Robert MacNeil (Introduction), Betty DeGeneres (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 25, 2003

Straight Parents, Gay Children is Robert Bernstein's moving account of how he came to terms with his daughter's homosexuality and how the experience has enriched his life. Bernstein -- winner of the 1996 Award for Best Scholarship on the Subject of Intolerance, awarded by the Gustaves Myers Center for the Study of Human Rights in North America -- discusses the myths surrounding homosexuality, accepting the news, parents who speak out, public figures who have gay children, and more. Straight Parents, Gay Children is a survival guide for all parents who wish to help their gay children cope with the inevitable cruelty from which they cannot hide. This revised and updated edition includes an introduction by Robert MacNeil of MacNeil/Lehrer Productions and a foreword by Candace Gingrich, author of The Accidental Activist "Bob Bernstein has done a wonderful job. I wish his book could be required reading for the world."—Betty DeGeneres, spokesperson, Human Rights Campaign, National Coming Out Project "Bernstein's tone is personal, his advice is sound ... a valuable addition to the psychological self-help collections."—Charles Harmon, Booklist "A succinct, moving book about parents who have defied the social stigma of homosexuality to publicly support their gay children."—Washington Blade

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The courageous and levelheaded Straight Parents, Gay Children, Armistead Maupin comments, "shows the parents of gay children how to stop merely tolerating their kids and start being their heroes." Robert A. Bernstein made this essential move to "heroism" himself after his daughter Bobbi came out to him and her stepmother in the mid-1980s, when she was 19. Soon after, they attended a meeting of P-FLAG (Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays) at a nearby church, and Bernstein realized that he had joined a small but powerful group of people unable to support the continued oppression of their gay loved ones. Bernstein brings together stirring quotes (even from such unlikely sources as the late Senator Barry Goldwater) and inspiring stories, like those of Jane Spahr, the first openly gay minister to be called as a pastor of the Presbyterian church (and later denied the post) and of Dr. Roscoe Thorne, a former lumberjack and weightlifter who spoke to a packed room at a military hearing set up to discharge his son from the navy despite his brilliant career as a "Top Gun" pilot. A useful book for therapists, clergy, and educators, and an essential resource for parents of gay and bisexual children. --Regina Marler --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

From Booklist

Bernstein, father of a lesbian daughter, writes of parents' pain and confusion when they learn their children are gay. He realistically describes the initial feelings of grief and disgust almost universal among such parents, who, after all, have always considered homosexuality to be wrong and alien. In specific chapters, he also addresses the experiences of growing up gay in a straight world, the movement toward gay rights, the fight by accepting parents for tolerance for their children, celebrities with gay children, and myths about homosexuality, and he offers a survival guide for parents who have just learned they have a gay child. Especially valuable is the chapter "Parents Speak Out," which tells the personal stories of families who are incorporating gay children into their familial identity. Bernstein's tone is personal, his advice is sound, and he gives much play to the support organization Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG). A valuable addition to psychological self-help collections. Charles Harmon --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; Revised edition (June 25, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1560254521
• ISBN-13: 978-1560254522
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.9 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #202,313 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #25 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Parenting & Families

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

38 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Straight Parents Gay Children Hits the Mark, May 15, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Straight Parents Gay Children: Inspiring Families to Live Honestly and with Greater Understanding (Paperback)

I have concluded my search. I have spent the last 18 months looking for a book to give my parents to help them come to terms with my homosexuality. Every other book I read had something if not many things wrong with it. This text addresses every concern a parent could have...including the religious ones without getting too bogged down in biblical translation and interpretation. Straight Parents Gay Children says all the thing things that would be too preachy for me to say myself. An excellent resource!

27 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Many good stories, August 26, 2001

By 

John Rice (Milwaukee, WI USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Straight Parents Gay Children: Inspiring Families to Live Honestly and with Greater Understanding (Paperback)

Robert Bernstein's account of the development of P-Flag is emtional and inspiring. His book helps parents of gay children to learn about what gay means and how to accept their children. One flaw in this book is that all the examples he uses are men and women who have achieved high status as pretty much defined by society. Most of them are in "marriages", long-term relationships. All of this makes them look "just like" straight people. This position is only one of many taken by gay people and gay organizations. I wondered as I read this book where I fit in. None of those gay people were like me and I did not share many of their views. So where does that put gay people like myself in Bernstein's perspective? The book seems to whitewash much of the gay world. Bernstein does not seem to be in touch with the youth programs. As a volunteer in one of those programs, I can tesitfy that none of the teens in our project reflect the kind of gay people he described. That criticism aside, Bernstein's book attempts to fight bigotry and help straight parents climb the mountain, as one parent put it to dealing with their own issues and reaching out to their children in love.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Important help for "new" parents, August 23, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Straight Parents Gay Children: Inspiring Families to Live Honestly and with Greater Understanding (Paperback)

Our son came out at age 18. When I worked up the courage, 4 months later, to attend my first PFLAG meeting (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), the support of people who have already been there was wonderful. This was the first book they recommended, and it made a huge difference in my ability to bring order to my thoughts (and my conflicted heart), and not just to accept but to embrace my son's courage and honesty. The book deals compassionately with parents' fears regarding potential violence to our children and the tragedy of AIDS and social prejudice. More importantly, it inspires and en-courages parents not just to continue loving our children, which is the easy part, but to become comfortable as advocates for our fine children (who happen to be GLBT) to whatever degree makes sense in our lives. I highly recommend this book.