Customer Reviews

Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America

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It seems that some of the readers haven't actually READ the book, just saw what it dealt with and did some reflex Leviticus quoting.

If you are a Christian struggling to come to term with your sexuality, read this book. If you are GLBTQ and want insight into the lives of what your sisters and brothers embroiled in fundamentalism are up against, read this book.

If you're a minister in a conservative church, read this book. If you're a thoughtful Christian who adamently believes that homosexuality is a sin, read this book.

Why? Because understanding each other is important, no matter where you're at. Hearing the actual stories and struggles of another may shake your convictions a little bit, but it's something that should be done.

When the teenage son of one of my best friends (a pastor) announced he was gay, I knew I had to read Mel White's book. Today, White is one of the most important activists in the gay Christian community. How he came to that place is a fascinating story. Mel White hailed from two generations of stalwart Christians, and his entire life was lovingly and gladly given to their fundamentalist cause. Instead of using his scholarship to attend Stanford, he went to a Bible College, and I suspect enthusiastically so, such was his Christian ardor. As a film maker and ghost writer, he served most all the best known names of conservative Christianity--Francis Schaeffer, Billy Graham, Pat Robertson (to whom he sent money for their ministry to gays), Jerry Falwell, Jim Bakker, D. James Kennedy, and WA Criswell. His two children attended Maranatha Christian High School. "But from the beginning, I had only same-sex desires and fantasies. I didn't plan it. I didn't choose it. I didn't desire it. And no one forced it on me. I wasn't recruited, raped or abused. No one is to blame" (p. 29). That is to say, White did not have a voluntary preference to be gay. Rather, he had an entirely involuntary orientation to be gay, and he tried as vigorously as any human might struggle to sublimate and eradicate his homosexual orientation through counseling, therapy, electric shock treatments, endless prayer and exorcisms, and Valium. All of which, after about twenty five years of marriage, led to a near nervous breakdown. In a loving foreword, his wife of over two decades sets the table for her former husband's story. If you want a short, second hand account of Mel White's story, see the chapter on him in Philip Yancey's book What's So Amazing About Grace.

Mel White's book, Stranger at the Gate" is the first book which I have read on the struggle of the Christian homosexual with which I could identify. Our daughter has come out to us and we are constantly searching for resources to educate ourselves and help us to deal with the spiritual issue of homosexuality. Mel White comes across as a sincere Christian who tried to live his life according to his biblical upbringing which taught him that homosexuality was a sin. Mel shares his epic struggle to understand and interpret the scriptures which are so often quoted to "bash" homosexuals. The intensity of Mel White's beliefs add to his inner struggle and it is the intimate sharing of this struggle with the reader which gives the book its power.

This book is a must read for those who are trying to understand why a person is gay and in the process of educating yourself, you will come to realize the need for compassion and understanding rather than judgment and rejection.

I do not agree with all of Mel's statements 100% but I do believe in his tenent that a person can be christian and homosexual and live a meaningful life while making a positive contribution to the community.

We all need to extend our limits of compassion and erase the ignorance that rejects another's liefestyle simply because we do not understand it. There is still a lot that I do not understand, but I am continuing to learn through insightful, courageous writers like Mel White.

I first became aware of this book via Philip Yancey's "What's So Amazing About Grace", in which he devotes a chapter to his friendship with Mel and the issues arising from that. Since several close Christian friends of mine have, over the last few years, revealed their homosexual orientation to me I have taken deep interest in the issue of homosexuality and also of the attitude of the church towards gay men and women. You can probably well believe me when I say that it has been almost impossible to find any CHristian viewpoint on the matter that does not take one of the two most extreme views - either that all aspects of homosexuality and homosexual behaviour should be accepted and that the classic Biblical texts have just been misinterpreted - or that every homosexual is an evil harbringer of doom to our depraved generation! Where has the objectivity gone?!

Mel's story is by far the clearest and easiest to relate to of any that I have read from the "acceptance" side of the debate. I would strongly recommend that anyone with an honest desire to get to grips with the issue should read this book. It helped me to understand more fully the tremendous torment involved in growing up in a largely heterosexual world with a homosexual orientation - I identified with his struggles, since I have struggled with similar situations and issues in a heterosexual context. It is the first time that I have really been able to identify with and understand someone telling the story of their homosexuality. Even when speaking openly with my friends I found it difficult to understand their struggles properly.

I would also recommend "Straight and Narrow?" by Thomas E. Schmidt for a compassionate look at homosexuality and evangelical Christianity from a more scholarly viewpoint - although he refers the stories of a number of friends and acquaintances, which helps keep it from being too detached.

Stranger at the Gate is an excellent read for those who are gay, and have a Christian upbringing. The first person narrative about how a gay man comes out of the closet, and how he reconciles the homophobic stance of the conservative, fundamentalist Christian church is eye-opening.

Mel's struggle will have a familiar ring to the many many gay men and women, who have have to deal with homosexuality and a Christian curch that tells then that homosexuality is a sin. Mel uses personal realizations, as well as scholarly data to refute the current stance of the religious right. Many of the strugles that Mel went though, are the some one that countless gay men and women have gone thorough, are going through, and will go though. Many people can identify with Mel, and may even come to their own conclusion at the end of the book as Mel does.

I highly reccomend this book for anyone strugling with reconciling homosexuality with Christianity.

Mel White's story is similar to many I have heard about self-hate and hiding due to society's homophobia. What separates his apart from others is that he was raised in an evangelical Christian home and served as ghost writer to many of today's Religious Right leaders. His struggles and ultimate triumph to become a key force for truth and right in the fight for gay rights is wonderful to read. I greatly admire Mel, his work, and his spirit. I strongly recommend this book for any gay person struggling with his identity. For the record, I am a proud PFLAG dad.

As a married Christian man who has struggled for many years with the guilt of homosexuality, this book served both as a source of hope and a catalyst for action. It has helped me perhaps more than anything I've read to date to accept myself as a gay man, and to realize that God accepts me. That someone of Mel White's stature was willing to out himself to the world and fearlessly proclaim the truth after years of self-hatred and struggling has been a real inspiration to me. Like Mel, I have tried everything to bring about change, but change does not come. However, unlike Mel, I have decided to remain in my marriage of 29 years, and even though there have been some VERY difficult times, I am happy for the decision I made. At one time, I came very close to ending my marriage, but I decided that the love between my wife and myself and the history we had together was worth more than the life I would lead without her. Having said that, I have the greatest sympathy and understanding for those who feel they have to give up their marriage because of their homosexuality. This book is very helpful and positive.

No one who hasn't lived it can possibly totally understand the anguish of being born gay or lesbian and being raised in evangelical Christianity. To those who, like me, do not wish to merely abandon the church upon coming out, the struggle remains poignant, painful, and long. This is a great book both for those who have lived through it and for those who want to understand the issue.

Social scientists almost universally believe that sexual orientation is immutable, and that efforts to change it are destructive. Sadly, a vocal part of the Christian community wishes to deny this fact and the struggle continues to victimize men, women, and families all over America. This is not the book that debates the construction of certain ostensibly anti-gay scriptural passages, etc. Rather, it tells one man's story. Perhaps that is the most important message of all, rather than merely fight about what the original Hebrew text really said about Sodom, etc.

This is tough to read. It is tough to absorb and digest. It is tough to get inside the skin of Mel White who is both thin-skinned and tough as nails. Gut-wrenching to see what our families and society put young persons through as they are seeking to understand their sexual orientation. They don't need rejection and judgment in this very tough journey. The appalling consequences of such rejection is sobering.

This writer is honest, and is prepared to expose his life and thinking to extremely close review in order to help himself and others. He deserves to be heard and read, specially by religious leaders who already claim to have reached conclusions.

Imagine that you are away in the country on a camping trip with a group of guys. You are all sitting around a campfire and telling stories. As you are galing stories about headless horsemen, ghosts, and etc, imagine that when one man shares, he tells you a story of triumph and tragedy, defeat and victory, over some things that he has had to come through. Imagine that he allows you, even for a moment, to see through his eyes right into his soul. That is what Dr. White does in his book "Stranger At The Gate: To Be Gay And Christian In America". He has shown his readers a picture...a moving picture of sights, sounds, scents, familiar feelings of childhood, awkward feelings of young adulthood, and the many other things that we keep hidden in our long-term memory bank. In reading this book, several chords were struck with me. I was very elated when Mel would talk about his years at WPC in Portland, OR, as well as his years at University Of Portland, as well as the broacasting projects that were local Portland favorites that gave Mel the start on his professional journey. I very easily identified with almost everything that Dr. White talked about here. Growing up in a fundamentalist environment, surrounded by people who's only focus in life was to get people "saved" and cared very little about accepting them for who, and what, they truly are. For the first time in my life, I was reading something where throughout almost the entire book I kept thinking to myself, "Finally! Someone else understands!" While going on this journey back in time with a heroic warrior, I felt as if we were discussing life issues over coffee at the nearest Starbucks. Mel is extremely personal in his writing and allows a metamorphosis to appear as evident to his readers...a metamorphosis between trying to live as his "ideal self" to loving, accepting, affirming, and living as his "true self". I would recommend this book to anyone who is trying to come to terms with their sexuality, as well as anyone who has a glbt friend or relative. It is a real eye opener and honestly it blessed me and encouraged me.