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Stranger in the Nest: Do Parents Really Shape Their Child's Personality, Intelligence, or Character?
 
 
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Stranger in the Nest: Do Parents Really Shape Their Child's Personality, Intelligence, or Character? [Hardcover]

David B. Cohen (Author)
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)


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Book Description

February 12, 1999
For decades, millions of parents have been told that they are primarily responsible for things gone wrong with their children. Mothers and fathers have internalized this message, producing an unrealistic and damaging sense of guilt, and even betrayal. Parents do affect their children, but how much? Our children are not born as blank slates. They come to us encrypted with their own predilections, biases, strengths, and weaknesses, many of which are as beyond the control of parents as determining their child's gender or eye color. Here, for the first time, is a scientifically grounded examination of the controversial idea that nature—in the form of genetic blueprints—may have far more influence on how children develop than a particular style of parenting. Parents reeling from the idea that they don't have much impact on how their children think, feel, and behave, will find both surprise and comfort in psychologist David Cohen's riveting account of the importance, and limits, of inborn traits.

Dr. Cohen weaves together a rich tapestry of research in behavioral genetics to illustrate the degree to which biology, rather than parenting, can impact a child's personality, values, and aptitudes. Identical twins separated at birth are reunited in mid-life to discover that they both drive the same car, have held the same jobs, named their sons James, and married women with the same first name not once—but twice. Yet siblings reared together in the same family environment often grow up to have very different interests, abilities, and beliefs. The nurture correlation between good parenting and child development fails to explain how, of two children raised in a loving and supportive home, one grows up to be a pillar of the community, while the other becomes a drug abuser. Parents have been blamed for problems ranging from antisocial behavior to autism to schizophrenia—disorders which Dr. Cohen reveals have a strong genetic component. On the flip side, parents who weren't able to give their offspring a consistently safe and supportive home environment have happily taken the credit when their children grow up to be well-adjusted, hard-working members of society.

The truth of the matter is that, if sufficiently strong, inborn potentials can trump parental influence, no matter how positive or negative. Some traits manifest themselves in such unexpected and uncontrollable ways that, for better or for worse, one's child may indeed seem like a perfect stranger.

Stranger in the Nest puts a human face on the ages—old nature—nurture debate, providing a gripping, scientifically grounded examination of parental influence on children's development. Any parent who has ever questioned what he or she did wrong—or right—must read this book.

PRAISE FOR STRANGER IN THE NEST..."...rich with fascinating facts and excellent examples of how children develop more in obedience to their genetic steersman that to the influence of their parents. Scholarly, yet beautifully written and a joy to read." —David T. Lykken, University of Minnesota and author of Happiness For decades, "... a book that turns its own pages. I could not put it down. Elegantly written, erudite, witty, informative, and bursting with new ideas, it challenges many of the core assumptions of modern psychology." —Thomas J. Bouchard, Jr., University of Minnesota.

"A delightfully written book filled with new insights about relations between parents and their children. [Dr.] Cohen has a unique ability to blend new scientific findings with a writing style that deeply engages the reader. No one will come away thinking about families in the same way." —David M. Buss, University of Texas at Austin, — and author of The Evolution of Desire.

"A scientific revolution has begun in our understanding of what makes us what we are. Genes matter more than anyone had thought... Sensitive, intelligent, and provocative, this book will challenge you to reexamine the way you think about yourself and your fellow human beings." —Steven Pinker, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and author of The Language Instinct and How the Mind Works.

"Required reading for all students of the art and science of parenting." —Allan Hobson, Harvard Medical School, and author of The Chemistry of Conscious States: How the Brain Changes its Mind.



Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Parents who blame themselves for children who are unambitious, irresponsible, moody or suicidal may be full of unwarranted self-reproach, Cohen contends, because the influence of parenting on a child's personality development is much weaker than most people assume. According to this professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, genetic factors play a pervasive role in molding individual capabilities, dispositions, habits, intelligence and emotional adjustment. He bases this conclusion in part on studies demonstrating the close psychological resemblance of identical twins reared apart, on studies of adoptees and on recent investigations pointing to startling connections between DNA patterns or single genes and personality traits. This highly accessible, forcefully argued report is a brilliant synthesis of the new genetic findings and their often stunning implications, though Cohen overstates his case, citing, for example, debatable studies that conclude that attitudes about the death penalty, religion, patriotism and sex before marriage have a high degree of heritability. Far from endorsing genetic determinism, however, Cohen underscores the importance of parenting in fostering security, learning, civility and self-confidence. Further, he believes that individual autonomy and unforeseeable life circumstances make it hard to predict how a child grows into adulthood. His "seven rules of parenting" combine good common sense with some cautions, as when he asserts, "Parents have limited moral responsibility for how a child turns out." This opinionated salvo in the nature vs. nurture debate will challenge general readers, psychologists, scientists and thoughtful parents.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

University of Texas psychologist Cohen (Out of the Blue: Depression and Human Nature, LJ 5/15/94) continues the much-debated question of nature vs. nurture in this well-researched study of parental influence on the development of children. He answers the oft-asked question of how nurturing, well-adjusted, nonabusive parents can have children who are neurotic, nasty, or amoral. Cohen favors the belief that genetic predisposition has a greater bearing than we acknowledge on shaping a child's personality, intelligence, and character, but he also suggests that parents are essential to a child's psychological development. Through the exploration of well-documented studies, he successfully shows that parental influence has been overstated and genetic influence understated. A highlight of this work is Cohen's presentation of seven rules of parenting, emphasizing respect for others, responsibility for oneself, and the dignity of the individual. Highly recommended for psychology collections in academic and large public libraries.AElizabeth Goeters, Georgia Perimeter Coll., Dunwoody
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 312 pages
  • Publisher: Wiley; 1 edition (February 12, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0471319228
  • ISBN-13: 978-0471319221
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #404,577 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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9 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A must have book for a thinking person's shelf., May 5, 1999
By 
This review is from: Stranger in the Nest: Do Parents Really Shape Their Child's Personality, Intelligence, or Character? (Hardcover)
David Cohen presents an outstanding look at what makes us who we are. This book has a strong academic foundation, presented in an intelligent and humorous style making it a pleasure to read. Cohen's last book, "Out of the Blue" has become a classic reference for the clinician interested in depression. Stranger in the nest seems destined to become an indispensable volume in the ongoing debate about nature versus nurture and the role of parents in a child's development. Many diverse issues are discussed and many difficult questions are articulated. This is a very satisfying contribution to a field where important questions abound and research continues.
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8 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Shoddy prose and poor organization, December 9, 2002
By 
This review is from: Stranger in the Nest: Do Parents Really Shape Their Child's Personality, Intelligence, or Character? (Hardcover)
In Stranger in the Nest, David Cohen skeptically examines the role of parents in shaping their childrens' lives. The book is loaded with examples from dozens of studies of twins, adoptions, and family life. Cohen concludes that children are shaped by their genetic endowment more than their parents' style of rearing.

Although he does an excellent job of highlighting the confounds, difficulties, and overgeneralizations from many areas of psychological research, his contribution to the field is neither novel nor particularly readable. Cohen points out that correlations between parental behavior and child behavior are confounded by their relatedness, and in so doing illustrates the fundamental problems with research in this area. He returns again and again to relatedness, or genetics, as the answer to why children resemble their parents.

In this regard, Cohen was beaten to the punch by Judith Rich Harris' book, The Nurture Assumption. The Nurture Assumption is a much better book than Stranger in the Nest, in part because it covers both the child's peer environment, his home environment, and his genetic endowment all at the same time and in greater depth than Cohen does. Cohen's book is also defective in that it presents no organizing hypothesis or overarching framework: it is a series of detached anecdotes and synopses of various studies, interspersed too liberally with rhetorical questions.

I agree with Cohen's thesis that genetics matters more to childhood outcomes that we usually acknowledge, and often more than parental nurturance. I found the author's style too dense and punchy, skipping from point to point and not analyzing each major aspect of parenting in sufficient depth.

Those interested in this book would find essentially the same argument and a lot more from Judith Rich Harris, and a more enjoyable and better organized book, to boot.

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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Stranger in the Nest Review, May 21, 2004
By 
Randy Diehl (Austin, TX United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Stranger in the Nest: Do Parents Really Shape Their Child's Personality, Intelligence, or Character? (Hardcover)
As a teacher, I was struck by Cohen's ability to communicate highly technical research findings in a clear, vivid, and highly readable manner to an educated lay readership (the intended audience). As a scientist, I was deeply impressed by the rigor and intellectual honesty with which you approached the central issues at have. And as a parent, I was grateful for the opportunity to understand more fully the limits of my own influence over the personalities and characters of my two children.

The central theme of the manuscript obviously runs counter the most of the conventional wisdom about child rearing and its effects. But when one considers the heavy and unfair burden of responsibility that many parents have felt when their children have suffered from such maladies as autism, drug addiction, and sociopathy, it is high time that this conventional wisdom-with its almost complete absence of scientific foundation-must be challenged by responsible scientists.
This is a profoundly compassionate book. . . . I will recommend it enthusiastically to friends and colleagues who themselves have experienced similar family problems. In writing this book, which I know has been a labor of love, Cohen has performed a great service, both intellectually and morally.

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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
strong genetic potential, antisocial potential, treated more alike, psychological resemblance, dull parents, inborn potentials, bright parents, hidden vulnerability, genetic overlap, blaming parents
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Prenatal World, Making Connections, Will Durant, Random Elements, Unmasked Potentials, Big Five, Mind of One's Own, Arthur Jensen, Sam Stone, Steven Pinker
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