Strangers to the Tribe: Portraits of Interfaith Marriage [Hardcover]

Gabrielle Glaser (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 25, 1997

Joshua Steinberg wears his Jewish identity proudly. His Catholic wife, Maura Fitzsimmons, is strongly attached to her Irish roots. For years, Josh's parents referred to Maura only as "the Catholic." How do Maura and Josh cope? Rebecca Grodin is the only child of two Holocaust survivors, haunted by the events that shaped her parents' lives. Her husband, Rick O'Neill, a Methodist of Irish-Italian descent, grew up in what he calls a "casually anti-Semitic" family. When he converts to Judaism, his relatives become even more alienated from him and his wife. In Strangers to the Tribe, Gabrielle Glaser introduces eleven interfaith couples, their families, and their dilemmas. These true stories, gleaned from scores of interviews with couples of all ages across America, show the many ways in which Jewish-and-Gentile couples are reconciling their household customs and holidays, learning to understand their in-laws, raising their children, and questioning their own religious loyalties.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Glaser, a journalist who was raised Protestant, married a Jew, and then discovered her own Jewish background, interviewed hundreds of interfaith couples across the country and here presents portraits of a representative 11. She has chosen a widely diverse group?some young, some older; some practically newlyweds, others married over 40 years and one lesbian couple?all with their own experiences with interfaith relationships. Marriage between Jews and non-Jews is a growing trend, and there is a growing interest in how successfully to blend the two traditions. While there are other books on the subject, such as Paul and Rachel Cowan's Mixed Blessings (LJ 9/15/87) and even a popular new newsletter (Dovetail, Magazines, LJ 5/15/94), this is a worthwhile addition to that literature.?Marcia G. Welsh, Guilford Free Lib., Ct.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews

An absorbing and articulate study of the special challenges posed by intermarriage between Jews and Christians. Freelance journalist Glaser (herself raised Protestant and married to a Jew) interviewed scores of couples of various ages and ethnicities throughout the US. The stories of 12 of these couples- -all married, with the exception of one lesbian pair--form the core of her presentation. Though each couple is unique, a number of common themes emerge. Among these are the strains between the Gentile spouses and their Jewish in-laws. Even when Jewish parents offer their children little in terms of Jewish observance, most are disappointed when their children don't marry ``a member of the tribe.'' For example, Josh Steinberg has a Jewish identity based primarily on socializing with other Jews in a predominantly Jewish Cleveland suburb. When he finally tells his mother that he plans to marry his Irish Catholic college classmate, she cries, ``You're going to kill us.'' Though not deterred, Josh is overcome with guilt as his wife is spurned by his family. Another notable theme is the ease with which the Christian partners seem to repudiate their religion and embrace Judaism; many have had trouble with Christian theology even before marriage. Rick O'Neil, who decides to convert to Judaism before marrying his medical-school classmate Rebecca Grodin, ``especially liked the Jewish notion of man's responsibility to atone for his wrongdoing to his fellow man, rather than praying to God for forgiveness.'' Among the more unconventional couples are Alvin Wong, a convert to Judaism, and his wife Trudy Schandler-Wong, who are raising two children with strong Jewish and Chinese identities. The only relationship here that ends because of one partner's deepening commitment to Judaism is the lesbian partnership. An intriguing look into an increasingly common religious dilemma in America. (Author tour) -- Copyright ©1997, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Houghton Mifflin; F edition (September 25, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0395727766
• ISBN-13: 978-0395727768
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.7 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,737,361 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Tacha meshugana - A Melodramatic Comedy, July 26, 2000

By 

S. A. Mears (Jefferson City, MO USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Strangers to the Tribe: Portraits of Interfaith Marriage (Hardcover)

I bought this book to read more about the subject of interfaith marriage. But I couldn't get into it. The writing style is overly dramatic and needlessly breathless. My fiance, a Shammas/Gabbai (I'm a nice Irish Catholic girl) started reading it and laughs so hard he loses his breath.

Perhaps it is that we have been friends for 25 years, before admitting that we were more, but the people described in this book need to get a life! Each relationship has a pattern of great angst and followed by silliness beyond compare.

I also felt that this book was patronizing at best to the Christian partner in the relationship. My fiance and I celebrate each other's deep faith, attend mass and synagogue together, and are comfortable with each other's past, our shared present and our hoped for future. It also needless blames the parents in the relationships. We are, and have been supported, by loving parents who want our happiness first.

I would not recommend this book to other interfaith couples and had I read it 25 years ago when we first met, I wonder whether we would ever have become friends, not to mention more.

Joe - Each night when I read parts of this book, and I use the term "book" loosely, it gives the love of my life, who knows more Yiddish than most born Jews, a headache. Sir Edward Coke, Lord Chief Justice of King's Bench and later a member of parliament once wrote " Every person skilled in his art or profession is to be believed." (Coke on Littleton, 125a (1628)). Such, in my professional opinion,is not the case herein.

As an interfaith couple involved in a 25 year relationship, posited upon friendship and mutual respect, we found this book most unhelpful and intellectually insulting.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating stories, but biased selections, February 12, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Strangers to the Tribe: Portraits of Interfaith Marriage (Hardcover)

This book should be enjoyable reading to anyone with an interest in the subject of interfaith marriage. The storytelling approach -- focusing exclusively on individual couples' personal and family stories -- is both its strength and its weakness. It makes for interesting reading, as one meets and learns about each of the couples, their Jewish and Christian family backgrounds, the difficulties they have faced, and the choices they have made. However, the selection of couples and subject matter is biased and limited. As a child of Holocaust survivors choosing to raise my children in the Methodist faith in which my wife was raised, I kept waiting in vain to read of other couples who chose to actively practice Christianity (not just baptism, christmas trees and easter eggs). Ms. Glaser basically focused only on couples who chose Judaism or some very watered-down compromise. She also completely avoided the big faith issues: who was Jesus? does Christianity offer salvation not available through Judaism? can a Jew accept Christ, yet remain a Jew? how can intermarried partners choose to focus on the substantial theological and historical common ground between Judaism and Christianity, not the theological, cultural and historical differences? Notwithstanding these drawbacks, I found it well-written and well worth reading.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars One-sided, Yet Compelling Portrait, April 12, 2000

By 

M. Harris (Michigan, USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Strangers to the Tribe: Portraits of Interfaith Marriage (Hardcover)

On my on going search for an balanced book on interfaith marriage, this was a disappointment. But if you're looking for a book on how to successfully convert to judaism, this book is for you. It is well written, and interesting, but as the characters continue to scroll by, you notice the uncanny similarity. Each couple is undecided about the religion they want their families to relate to, and consequently each couple decides either to convert to Judaism, or break up. Again, this book is a good read, but if you are looking for portrayals from all sides of the issue, look elsewhere.