Customer Reviews

Strengthening Your Stepfamily (Rebuilding Books)

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This book is not only well designed and written and has really helpful information for me as a therapist, but I also recommend it to any one who is in a blended family. It is very useful as a way to work together to solve some normal problems and I use it as a way to start conversations with those with whom I am working. Elizabeth's personal and "road" experience shows in the excellent content in this book. I highly recommend it to every stepfamily, and anyone who works with them....that is just about EVERYONE!!

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorcing, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 68, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, and (d) the published author of six personal-growth and family-relations books - four on stepfamilies.

I recommend this book above most others to readers who want an upbeat, interesting, realistic, readable introduction to stepfamily challenges and rewards. I do not recommend the book to anyone who wants to avoid or resolve core stefamily stressors and probable psychological or legal re/divorce.

There are many fine features in Einstein's and Albert's updated book: relevant cartoons, tables, guidelines, hilights, chapter summaries, 8 "workshop" sections, some vignettes, examples, and related questions; relevant references; lots of white space; a large font; a useful index; and a consistently positive flavor. An unusual, welcome feature is the authors' including proactive grieving as a requisite to long-term remarital and co-parenting success.

However, like most lay and clinical stepfamily authors, Einstein and Albert focus mainly on typical surface issues, and omit explanation and effective advice on these widespread underlying (primary) stepfamily stressors:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce). In my experience, most divorcing-family and stepfamily adults appear to be significantly wounded - and don't (want to) know it, and what it means for them and their children and descendents. One thing it means is that most co-parents will be unable to follow much of the worthy advice in this book;

2) how to spot and reduce blocked grief in adults and kids. The authors DO acknowledge that all stepfamilies follow (and cause) a series of profound losses (broken bonds), but the authors don't suggest how to assess for blocked grief, and what to do about it. They also don't focus effectively on...

3) typical co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) primary human needs, and specific traits of high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) seven specific effective-communication skills, (d) resolving up to nine typical barriers to co-parenting teamwork, and (e) stepfamily realities, norms, and step-identity implications. The authors' well-meant treatment of these is generally simplistic and superficial; And they seem to gloss over...

4) What to do about the lack of qualified, effective stepfamily help in the media and most commuities, and how to evaluate and select effective (informed) stepfamily counseling, and support programs and materials.

In my clinical experience since 1981, these factors will often promote needy, love-dazed, courting co-parents to commit to the wrong people (mate, stepkids, and "other parent/s"), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Then unless improved, the factors inhibit typical co-parents from identifying and effectively resolving these core personal, role, and relationship problems:

[...]

This helpful introductory book would profit from a chapter on how courting couples can make wise re/marital-commitment decisions, and another chapter on specifically how to spot and resolve four common interactive stepfamily stressors: (a) adults' psychologal wounds, (b) values and (c) loyalty conflicts, and (d) relationship "triangles."

For more perspective on this review and more (free) detail and effective suggestions on these topics, see:

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Elizabeth Einstein has "walked the walk" and even taught the walk. Her years of experience in the field of step-parenting have given her a depth of insight that is not easily found in the plethora of books on this topic. Her writing style is "user friendly" and while she pulls no punches, she does offer both useful and practical information on how to deal with situations that are usually fraught with peril. Even people who are not part of a stepfamily would benefit from reading this to gain a better understanding of what their friends, neighbors and loved ones who are face daily. Although Einstein was a pioneer in this area, her expertise and writing have stayed fresh and up to date.

With more and more non-traditional families these days, Ms. Einstein provides an excellent roadmap for navigating through complex areas of remarriage, children, unresolved emotions, unrealistic expections, communicatiion and discipline. For more of an intro, listen to her recent (1/30/06) interview on Voices in the Family (whyy.org/91FM/voices.html).