Customer Reviews

Struggle for Intimacy (Adult Children of Alcoholics series)

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Before I read this book, I couldn't understand why I seemed to have such a horrendous time coping with being in a relationship. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, on constant guard for trouble that wasn't even there. I was a nervous wreck.

This book helped me realize that the dysfunctional childhood I went through had taught me coping mechanisms that got me through childhood but were very ineffective now that I was an adult. Just realizing this was like suddenly seeing the forest for the trees, and was such a relief. No, you're not crazy...you have just never learned how to stop being on guard.

If this sounds like you, read this book and find some relief. It will help you understand why you feel so torn when you know you have a good thing going, and help you learn new ways to cope before you wreck the best thing that ever happened to you. Good luck!

Woititz has written several books aimed at helping "Adult Children of Alcoholics" (ACA). I recommend all of them. This book is based on the problems ACAs (and others from troubled homes) have in beginning and maintaining close relationships. She gives practical advice rather than the usual "cuddle your inner problem child" blather that some books give. All of her books are based on 10-12 things that most ACAs have in common. These things are listed at the front of each book and I recommend that each reader start there. If this list strikes a chord with you, then get the book! Among the list are: ACAs wonder what normal is. ACAs lie when they could just as easily tell the truth (I didn't believe this of me until a friend pointed out a few). ACAs have a hard time changing their course even when it's obvious that they should (I'm paraphrasing this one). Check it out!

If you are an ACoA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic), I recommed this book and all of the books by Janet Woititz. I've read many of them, they are easy reads and so informative. It is really helpful to learn about other's experiences and struggles, and to hear advice on how to help you now. My favorite part of this book is the chapter called "So, you love an ACoA..." and is good for your partner to read to help them understand things like why you might overreact to certain situations or have such a negative view of yourself. Don't be turned off by the old cover, mine looked like it was from 1960 or something, the book is not outdated by any means.

I started reading this book not realizing it was about ACOA. I discovered that is my problem in relationships. My parents were alcoholics. In reading this book, I saw me growing up and now. It is such an inspiration to be able to put a label on these feelings and fears. It was like someone turned a light on in my soul. I feel like I have a starting point now in which to move forward. I really wish I would have read this before I got divorced. I think it could have saved a good marriage.

I thought I knew about relationships and how to make one work and what it took to keep one going. I thought my past failures were a product of bad timing. I did not see why I went after the wrong people, prused bad situations and stayed when I should have left. This book opened my eyes and changed my perspective. It was brilliant.

This book helped save our marriage of ten years and a relationship spanning twenty. Thanks to this book and the the Lord it will be for a lifetime. We keep extra copies around just for those times when you know who is suffering and in need of understanding.

This is an absolute wonderful book. It is must read for those who have come from any kind of dysfunctional home. If you find that you are successful in the world but you may find your personal life, your relationships in the pits, then take time to read this book. You would realise why is your life such a mess up. Happy reading

If you are an ACOA or need to understand one, you have got to read this one. At first I thought it would somewhat different, but it deals with basic information I needed to become aware anyway. I am reading all books related to ACOAs and dysfunctional families and this one is among the best. It presents a lot of common myths ACOAs have and aren't aware there are other possibilities. For example: "If I am not in control at all times, there will be anarchy". Then the myth is discussed in a few pages. Quite shocking for someone who sees life in an inflexible way. I would strongly suggest "The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" ...

as a partner to an ACOA this is a must read for anyone involved in this kind of relationship. easy to read, easy to understand, and full of AHA! moments. great information!

If you have ever felt abandoned, this book is for you. If you had a parent who was unavailable when you were younger (work, alcohol, drugs, divorce) this book is for you. If you are constantly struggling through relationship, after relationship, after relationship, this book is for you!

I can't say enough about it and how much it has helped me. I thought I was "over it" as my father had quit drinking and we have a wonderful relationship now; however, this book covers how you were brought up. Sure, I had a loving home and didn't not "want" for anything - but little did I know what the daily grind made me into. This is a MUST read!