Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make with Women [Paperback]

Bradley Fenton (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 6, 2006

Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make With Women is the revolutionary new book on male-female relationships by author Bradley Fenton. The author asserts that a majority of men repeatedly make common mistakes while interacting with women and thus unknowingly come off as unattractive. Fenton identifies these mistakes and suggests some rather unorthodox ways to overcome them. With integrity, maturity and humor, Stumbling Naked in the Dark explains once and for all why some men just don't get "it" and offers a new mindset for leading relationships in the right direction.

While most dating and relationship books have focused on understanding the differences between men and women, Stumbling Naked in the Dark focuses on the similarities between the sexes by exploring universal laws of human behavior. Relationship problems are due to the pressure created by the "aggressively flawed" role that people, and primarily men, learn to play in our culture. This leads to men exerting negative pressure and control that causes women to subconsciously withdraw and find men unattractive.

Stumbling Naked in the Dark teaches men how to alleviate the stress and pressure associated with dating so they become more relaxed and attractive to women and explores how men can focus on what makes women feel understood and comfortable, leading to their decisions of intimacy and commitment. For example, Fenton offers insights on how:

Interactions with women in today's social settings are burdened with pressure and distrust, leading to failure that creates a vicious cycle of anxiety and hopelessness.

Most men unknowingly approach relationships as a game and feel the pressure of losing if they don't get what they want.

Men mistakenly believe they have done something wrong if a woman chooses not to go out with them, creating an adversarial situation destined to fail.

Success with women is not an innate skill that only a few men possess. All men can have a relationship - it's a matter of breaking down mental blocks to attain it.

Women frequently make decisions about men based on their own anxieties and insecurities. In many cases, their availability to date has nothing to do with a specific man at all.

Letting go of a woman's decision-making - and being healthfully indifferent to the outcome of an interaction while still genuinely caring for her well-being - is the key to attracting women.

Making "No" an okay answer from women lessens pressure, adds more fun and actually leads to more "Yes" answers.

Fenton also discusses how to break through four common obstacles males encounter on the road to relationship success: Personal Warning Beliefs, Identity, Need for Approval and Tactile Needs and Energy.

By teaching men how to become more comfortable with themselves and erase preconceived notions about women, Stumbling Naked in the Dark offers a powerful framework for men who want to disengage from the typical "dating game" and be more confident, fair and intuitive in their relationships with women.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Bradley Fenton is president of Bradley Fenton Ventures (BFV), a training firm that works with individuals, companies and organizations concerned about strengthening their personal and professional relationships. BFV provides a variety of products and services ranging from the privacy of self-study courses on new strategies to ongoing reinforcement workshops and seminar training programs. www.bradleyfenton.com

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

from Chapter 1
State of the "Union"

Guys, who taught you how to interact with women?

Until now, we men have had no clear source from which to gain factual and valid information on which practices bring about the best results with women. Information on the subject is confusing and fragmented at best. It is often based on the well-meaning advice of family members and friends who speak from emotions based on their own personal experiences, which may or may not be useful.

Although dealing with women is a topic of vital importance, there are not many places for men to gain crucial information about it, other than confusing bits and pieces contained within magazines, television, and movies. Thousands of columns are published yearly in men's journals such as Maxim and GQ, exclaiming, "100 Tips That Drive Women Crazy!" While these articles are somewhat entertaining, they are often illogical and useless when it comes to real-life situations, and they're usually based on the advice of personal friends and associates of their respective authors instead of any kind of credible authority.

Movies and television also play a significant yet confusing role in how we think we should act around women. Like it or not, actors such as Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Steve McQueen and Vince Vaughn are among those whose roles -- and sometimes personal lives -- have set a cultural benchmark on how we believe men should act and be perceived. After we watch their performances, we are left with the Big Question: What is it about these actors that is so attractive to women? We wonder how we can replicate it ourselves. Is the recipe to attraction simply good looks, fame and fortune? Or are there some other ingredients? Unfortunately, we're left to figure it out on our own.

The hard truth is this: Our culture teaches men skills and tactics that are actually harmful to our success with women.

It is our hope that when you've finished this book, you may be able to resolve most of the confusion you feel about this subject. You'll understand what makes men attractive to women, and you'll be able to put this into action in your own life in a constructive, satisfying way.

Now more than ever, men need to gain a better understanding of what women want, and they need to develop the ability to deliver it to them. We need this information because many men are in a very serious predicament, one that often goes unspoken. Tens of thousands of sharp and talented men are stumbling naked in the dark. It's what I call men who are not getting their needs met. Love, sex and tactile needs are basic requirements we have as human beings but in today's fast-paced society, they often seem elusive. Many men go for months at a time without having a date, let alone having their physical needs satisfied. This unfortunate trend is a fast-growing one, contributed to by such factors as longer work hours and an increase in the average age at which men marry. This problem affects not only a lot of lonely and frustrated men but women as well.

Product Details

• Paperback: 127 pages
• Publisher: Simon & Brown (July 6, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1412012155
• ISBN-13: 978-1412012157
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5 x 0.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 0.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #269,466 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

60 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Advice, Scientifically-based, Well-written, May 10, 2006

By 

Tiffany Rapplean "Tiffany of Intellectual Ice... (Denver, CO) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make with Women (Paperback)

Sure, I admit I liked the title, because stumbling naked in the dark is how I've often felt when trying to date people, and even later, when trying to work through a failing romantic relationship, or failing close friendship. But as a trainer, I'm intrigued by the fact that the author--also a trainer--based this book on his company's results-oriented training programs.

As the producer of a hard and soft science and tech podcast by and for geeks, I read a lot of dating books and websites to uncover and de-mystify the best geek dating tips for my listeners. This book is the best male perspective I've read so far. It's a quick read, and offers practical advice that could be used at any stage in a relationship. I particularly like the "female scale of interest/staying off sides" formula for interacting with women (the car salesman analogy the author gives makes perfect sense), and I also found the "hug quota/tactile needs and energy" concept to be fascinating, along with the effect "tactile debt" can have on a man's handling of physical interactions such as sex. The "opening 'no' agreement" in which "no" is established as an acceptable answer is also logical. In general, this author recommends men treat women with respect, which of course I appreciate, being female and all. ;)

Thus far, I'd recommend this book above any other I've read, especially if an individual (specifically a man) wishes to read just one book. "how to succeed with women", by Ron Louis and David Copeland is also quite good (and quite long), but offers a few different perspectives and is very much oriented towards men seeking to engage women in sex as the primary motive (relationships are second, but the sexual emphasis is notable; I offer this as an observation rather than as a criticism). Fenton's book is less targeted strictly towards sex, and manages to pack a great deal of useful, scientific information into a mere 127 pages.

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very insightful. Must reading for every guy who's single., October 14, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make with Women (Paperback)

This book hits the nail on the head! It touches on all the complaints my girlfriends and I have had for years about men. If men read this book and incorporated its very simple principles into their actions, there'd be a lot less single people out there. It's very intelligently written by new author Brad Fenton. His distillation of behavioral techniques into relationship-building principles (gleaned from years of teaching sales training to businesspeople and organizations) is right on the mark! I especially liked the section on not becoming attached to the outcome when a guy meets a girl. Concentrating on the getting-to-know-you process, not pushing the woman to make a decision and learning how to make no an acceptable response are much needed ideas. We (women) all want a man to listen to us more instead of telling us what we should do. This book explains, in eye-opening language, how men really can get into our psyche and act in a way that will make them infinitely more attractive. I am buying this book and sending it to the all guy-friends I know!

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars a clear, concise start for anyone looking to improve in the dating game., February 19, 2007

By 

Travis Stein (Houston, TX (USA)) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Stumbling Naked in the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes Men Make with Women (Paperback)

When I first purchased this book, I was purchasing it for the sheer hell of it as I had bought about 5-6 other books on the wide world of dating. Fenton lies out a clear, concise formula for greater success with women both on the first date and after the first date. This isn't a pickup book though, there are no clever lines or strategies to get to that first date, although you could apply some of the first date techniques to pre-first dates as well. There are no magical spots to meet women here, when to call, etc. However, it is a book that will explain a great deal of misconceptions many guys, including myself, have about women and what buttons to push and not to push for gaining that compatibility factor with any woman. More importantly, this book gives you the right mindset in dealing with the opposite sex. Perhaps, that's more important than many of these "pickup 101" and "where and how to seduce women" books. Because if you don't have the right mindset, you can read the player books all you want, but it won't make a damn bit of difference if you lack confidence and the right frame of mind around women. That being said, the four star rating is largely due to the fact that some scenarios the author envisions, I just can't see happening too often. The wording that Fenton suggests in some scenarios seems a little too wordy and almost without a doubt, forced in some cases. Overall, a solid book and I'd recommend "always talk to strangers" by David Wygant for a solid pair of books on the enormous realm of dating.