Customer Reviews

Submerged [VHS]

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(26)

 

 

I won't go into a summary of the plot. I admit I rented this without even reading what it was about, just because it was a Seagal movie.

I didn't have high expectations. Even so...

After about 30 minutes I gave up.

First off, for those of you who actually watch it, what's up with the super-dooper fakey spy plane in the beginning? The planes in "Team America" looked more realistic than this garbage.

Also, they can afford to have a helicopter to shoot scenes in, but the background is so obviously computer generated? What a joke.

And once again I wondered what the heck was going on when every scene that required a voice over dub by seagal was done by somebody who sounded NOTHING like seagal.

Fighting? Not in this movie. Lots and lots of shooting though. For so called best-of-the-best professional soldiers, they couldn't hit the walls of a barn if they were standing inside the barn. There's one scene in which 200+ of the baddies with automatic weapons and a TANK are being held off by like 4 or 5 goodies with automatic machine-pistols. They're in a tunnel, like 100 feet from each other, firing hundreds if not thousands of rounds and like nobody gets hit? What a joke. One of the boring-ist scenes I've ever had to sit through. That's about when I called it quits.

This movie is garbage. It's pure poop. It's too bad also, because even though everything since "Exit Wounds" in my opinion was poop, "Into The Sun" I thought was actually pretty good.

I'll keep renting his movies just in the hopes that someday I'll actually enjoy one of his movies once again. So I suppose they'll keep churning out this poop because people like me will keep renting them. I'd imagine that they'll rent good, but I can't imagine any of his newer movies are being actually purchased. I guess his career is over, and I should get over it. But I'll keep up hope for now that someday, somebody will actually put this over-the-hill out-of-shape former-bad-a** into a decent movie.

Until then, we'll always have "out for justice" :) Anybody here seen richie?

As a Seagal fan I have to say that this direct-to-toilet DVD ranks high on my all-time worst film list. Seagal started getting pretty bad when he released The Patriot. Between that horrible film and Submerged Seagal has released a few decent direct-to-video films. Submerged is not one of them. The sound quality on Submerged was awful. It's bad enough trying to understand what Seagal says with his mumbling (or the dubbing), but my wife and I found ourselves turning the volume up and down depending on the scene. While you don't really buy these films for the plot, you expect at least a minimal storyline...not with Submerged! We gave up on Submerged less than 15 minutes into the film. Unless your a Seagal fan and feel the overwhelming compulsion to add to your collection, do not buy this DVD!!! If you're not a fan, don't even bother renting (or borrowing from a friend)!

These days no one would expect much from direct-to-video films starring Steven Seagal. It was only five years ago (in 2001) when his `Exit Wounds' hit No. 1 in the US box office chart, and thanks to DMX that was a decent action film. It was a long time ago.

`Submerged' is yet another B-film from Millennium Films directed by Anthony Hichox, known for B-horror/action films like `Waxwork' and `Jill Rips.' If you have seen the latter one featuring another direct-to-video star Dolph Lundgren (remember?), you know what you will see in `Submerged.' I can write it with one word - TERRIBLE.

[BAD ACTIONS] `Submerged' has a wide assortment of terrible actions and vapid shoot-outs, plus incomprehensible story no one can understand, and as if they are not enough, very bad acting too. The last one could be forgiven if only Steven Seagal had listened to the advice of the people who know filmmaking better, and tried to lose some weight to look more like `action star' as he did before shooting `Exit Wounds.' Apparently he is too busy to do that, making as many as three or four films in a year.

[BAD STORY] Now `Submerged' seems to be about the conspiracy in South America, where some terrible plot is going on, It looks like someone is using the high tech called "mind control" for no other reason than making some money. And this is yet to be confirmed, but someone is giving a help to the scientist to do a profitable business or something.

[BAD, BAD, BAD] Add to this clichéd story, laconic Steven Seagal as `Cody' our hero released from the prison. As always, Chris Cody is assigned a mission from US Navy to attack the secret laboratory of the doctor. Chris Cody leads his `Dirty-Dozen' team only to find bits of tired actions, like bits of submarine scenes (where cheap version of `Under Siege' can be seen briefly), and another cheap version of Doris Day's `The Man Who Knew Too Much' with confusing editing and meaningless conclusion.

[AND TRIVIA] Usually this kind of action is made with several set-pieces. If they are well-crafted, the numerous plot holes or bad acting can be ignored. In `Submerged' as the title suggests, everything - car crash, explosions (including that of miniatures), and shoot-outs are badly shot and poorly edited. You see distorted, cheesy CGI of `visions' of the brainwashed, or inexplicable fast-forward and slow motions, but they just don't make any sense. The fact that Hichox's mother Anne V. Coates is a respected film editor and four-time Oscar nominee (most recently for `Out of Sight') only makes me very sad about the poorly done editing of `Submerged.'

And as to Steven Seagal, what can I say? His acting is lazy and his action is slack, as if he doesn't want to do anything. Even the film's `Uruguay' is in fact Bulgaria, so no exotic location can be enjoyed. In short, this is a truly terrible film with no redeeming merits. Forget all about it.

WOW, Steven is done! His career is over with! I kid you not. I have always said that I think B-action movies are way worse than B-horror movies and this is proof. It has generic explosions, bad acting, bad actions sequences, and generic noise FX. I just recently rented a new Jean-Claude Van Damme movie thinking Jean was getting a little washed up, but he is not even close to being as bad as Steven in this movie! Steven is poorly groomed, he is fat and looks like a drunk. In many of the scenes in this movie he is sitting down so he doesn't get out of breath. I was laughing all the way through this. I said to myself "if he starts doing his karate he does in all his movie, I am going to fall out of my chair laughing" (because he is too fat) and sure enough he did! You would have to see it to believe it. He goes to karate kick a guy and literally looks like he has trouble lifting up his fat leg. He also wares super baggy cloths to try and hide his weight and it actually makes him look even bigger. This movie is awful! I should add that it also has some of the worst one liner's I have ever heard. Don't expect no "go ahead... make my day" kind of stuff! Here is an example of one of the lines in this movie: Steven looks at a girl and says "some sick s*** went on in here alligator!" Not to mention Steven's poor attempt at sounding like a rapper gangster with is poorly constructed Ebonics street talk. He sounds illiterate.
Verdict: rent at your own risk

First, let me say I'm a HUGE Seagal fan... I'm a sucker for a good action movie, and Seagal is about as good as it's ever gotten. I even love his current string of straight-to-DVD-movies.

"Into The Sun" and "The Foreigner" were classic Seagal. "Out For A Kill" and "Belly Of The Beast" were also very good action movies. No quite as good as his early work, but life does go on for everyone.

That said... this movie was HORRIBLE... I'm ashamed to be a Seagal fan when I watch this... who came up with this script? Was it two teenagers smoking pot in a basement?

The special effects were ok, but the fight scenes were tired. This is the first film I've seen where Seagal actually looked his age (The guy is in his 50's).

There were two major problems I had with this movie.

Number one: The set. Who was in charge of making this set look realistic? The only thing that came close was the submarine scenes, but then, I've never really spent time on one. The scenes in the field, when the teams got ambushed looked like they were filmed in my backyard.

Number two: The voice. Who dubbed Seagal's voice? His actual voice is in the mix in the beginning and in the end, but during the film... the voice sounds like it belongs to a guy who should be on a horse in Texas. You'd think they'd find a voice that fits.

I'm a huge Steven Seagal fan... but this is the only movie I've ever seen him in that I don't want to watch... ever again.

Want to see it? Don't waste your money... wait for it to play on the USA Network. (Almost every other Sunday)

"I got a really sh***y feeling about this one..."

Prophetic lines to say the least, uttered by Gary Daniels in the beginning of the movie, almost as if he knew what crap that is Submerged was going to 'surface' from Anthony Hilcox.

I think most of the reviews already got it the high points of the film. The supporting cast (some of them) is the movie's only saving grace of 2 stars.

Heres some hilarious things to look out for if you dare watch this malady:

-Seagal's odd Cajun accent, which he ONLY uses for some reason in the beginning of the film! Its like he forgot to do the Cajun bit or just said to hell with it. Some future classic lines such as, "Where my crew?", "What if he not?", "Who the f--- is this?" and of course, "Theres some...sick sh-- up in here alligatah." Freaking hilarious.

-Seagal's entrance on the ship. Rocking Michael Bay esque music out of nowhere starts and we have a huge Seagal waddling in slow motion. The thuds when he walks are particularly fitting.

-Seagal's prison outfit. He's the only one who would where a blue denim suit (borrowed from DMX maybe?) while everyone else is in regular orange jumpers. Also, note the stat listings on his so called team (a la Out for a Kill).

-Toy planes. Thunderbirds are go!

-Seagal's fight with Daniels in which he starts throwing a cursing tantrem, then nods as if he had just heard some Zen wisdom or something! Easily the funniest part of the movie and worth the watch.

-Seagal always laying in the shadows and mumbling like he's film noir or something.

-Vinnie Jones clocking out an usher.

-Seagal's fight with the unnamed black guy at the end.

-The Mexican member of his team whose special ability is apparently being able to switch gears on a stick shift car while sitting in the passenger seat (look ma, no clutch!). Look close and use the pause button for this one!

-The ambiguous ending (sequel perhaps? I hope not).

Another one for those Seagal fans who have a strange curiosity to watch what the great one has become.

I can imagine that one could sell himself out for the money, everybody does so these days, but it is blatantly obvious that money is the only thing Seagal cares about. He doesn't really care what crap you end up when you buy this DVD, as long as money end up in his pockets. However, as 7th Dan Shihan that has thousands of Aikido practiotioners all over the world looking up to him, it appears that he has no shame as well. Forget about all that bs about inner self, japan, martial arts etc, this guy sold his soul to the devil. Vinnie Jones playing bad ass guy and acting on top of that? Yeah righ, my grandma doing pottery scene with Patrick Swayze would look more convincing. What have you learned in Japan Steven for all those years?

I've just rented this and it's a hard one to rate. Its a bad film in almost every way except for Vinne Jones who is the only saving grace of the whole thing however having said that, I really enjoyed it and for me it's probably the most enjoyment I've had from a Seagal movie second to Belly Of The Beast since Half Past Dead. I'd also like to say could someone please give Vinne Jones his own action movie. His one liner's were great and the fight scene with the sniper about an hour and 10 minutes into the movie was the movies high point and pure Vinne Jones even topping the car door slamming scene from Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels. Jones is at his best playing this type of character. I'd also like to say that Alison King is a babe and deserves better than this and she is another plus for renting this. The direction by Anthony Hickox is terrible, Seagal's dialogue is terrible, as said in another review about 80% of his lines are dubbed, he sits down for most of the movie and we only ever see his fat face in half shadow, he wears massive leather coats regardless of the fact that he is supposedly in some very hot South American country while the locals wear t-shirts and look like they are sweating to death and you could start a drinking game while watching this called spot Seagals body double. Seagal also seems to have developed a bad case of torrets with a hilarious sudden outburst of c*ck sucker motherf**ker during one scene for no apparent reason and the line is delivered with the most energy I've heard Seagal deliver a line since probably Under Siege! It's also quite clear that Seagal is not even in the same room while supposedly delivering his lines to other actors and at times his dialogue doesn't make any sense. The spy plane at the beginning was the first of many laughs I got from the movie. It looked like something out of the Thunderbirds or from cut scene from Team America and for a minute I was wondering if I'd been given the right DVD at the rental store. All these things add up to an enjoyable 90 minutes with a few good laughs to be had at Seagals expense, the cheap special effects and Vinne Jones' character. I would probably recommend this as a rental only but I might pick it up cheap if I came across it in the bargain bin sometime in the future if only for Vinne Jones and that fight with the sniper.

Helmed by master director Anthony Hickox of 'Full Eclipse'(sucked) and 'Federal Protection'(really sucked)fame comes the newest Steven Seagal action flick, strangely titled 'Submerged'.

Lord Steven stars as Kody, a totally sexy ex-military stud in prison, who is asked by the US government to stop some terrorists who have created some kind of mind-warp device to get people to do things they want them to do(i.e. kill people). The Lord agrees to his mission, on one condition: he gets all of his old crew released from prison to help him. Being a bunch of the world's best criminals, soldiers, mercenaries, etc. I wonder why they are all in prison? Anyways, take one part 'Dirty Dozen' and a dash of 'Armageddon', add in a crapload of lameness and you get the basic gist of 'Submerged'.

I had high hopes for 'Submerged'. It had a pretty good supporting cast: Gary Daniels(martial arts and low-budget action film legend), Peter Youngblood Hills(from 'Band Of Brothers'), and everybody's favorite Englishman Vinnie Jones.

The plot, while ridiculous, was viable enough to give the fans what they want: some killer action. But no dice. I figured that with Seagal and Daniels finally in a movie together, that there would be a killer fight scene. But no. Seagal kills him in like ten seconds about twenty minutes into the film. That scene is actually about the only hand-to-hand fight in the film. Mostly everything else is hot gun action, which would be fine if there were some originality to the scenes but there just isn't. Vinnie Jones is excellent, as always, but gets killed off so fast I had to rewind to make sure it was him and not some random bad guy.

Then there are the special effects: completely lame. I just love the little toy plane in the film's opening shot. That set the tone for the entire flick. I saw it and was like "Oh great...another Seagal masterpiece." and I was right. Speaking of the Lord, if you thought the dubbing in 'Out Of Reach' was bad just you wait till you watch 'Submerged'. Its ridiculous.

Easily the best part of the film is when Seagal is released from prison. He comes lumbering down the hall in chains wearing prison garb. Only, its not your normal prison clothing. It looks exactly like the clothes he normally wears only made out of prison blue denim. Freaking hilarious. Also, another highpoint, is the Lord calling people "Alligator" in the worst Cajun accent ever.

Overall, 'Submerged' is just all-out bad. Seagal is his usual puffy, nappy, tubby self. The action and special effects are lame. The spirited performances of Jones and Hills give the movie a bit more credibility than it deserves. And why is it called 'Submerged'? They're on a submarine for about three minutes total. But 'Submerged' is still better than all of his recent releases save for the fabulous 'Belly Of The Beast'.

I love Seagal and will, like a stupid lemming, keep buying his films, but this is starting to get ridiculous now.

The title of this movie is called "Submerged" because that's where this whale dung of a movie was before it came to the surface!

Steve Seagal, totally washed up, overweight, wearing an obviously phony wig with phony uncombed ponytail, mumbles his way through this movie without skipping a beat. He's so fat in this movie that you can even tell that he has a hard time picking his leg up to kick someone in the crotch! His belly spills out of his clothes that he keeps his hands covering it whenever he stands still. He doesn't even do any martial arts--whenever he does, you know it's a stuntman--so bloody thin, making it obvious that the director just couldn't find anyone as heavy as this slob!

Forget the plot, there isn't any--forget the costars, they suck and will never want to be associated with this movie. If anything watch the film for Seagal's deterriorating health, and career!!

Ridiculous speeding and slowing up of fight scenes, even scenes where it's not even needed (such as Seagal's waddling into a building) proves that the editor gave up on this piece of trash before he even cashed his paycheck. the same applies to Seagal, who OBVIOUSLY did this for the paycheck, so he can go back to his favorite fast food restaurant to stuff his face.

What happened to the Seagal of old??? He's gone, dead an buried, just like this straight to toilet DVD!!