Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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69 of 73 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
I wish I had read it sooner, August 19, 2002
It's right on target. I've seen all of the signs of spiritual abuse in several churches I've attended, and I'm in a church now where the signs do not exist among the leadership (and it's easy to dodge the self-righteous members who do practice any of the bad signs... no church is perfect). The difference between churches that use manipulation and those that practice grace is like night and day.The key to preventing spiritual abuse is balance. God has placed boundaries around ministers and laypeople alike which should not be crossed. When the "leaders" run roughshod over the church members' boundaries while misusing Scripture to protect themselves from legitimate criticism, something is wrong. Pastors cannot claim authority reserved solely for God or expect to control people in ways that only the Holy Spirit can do. God has rules for leaders to obey, and ways for laymen to confront leaders about sin. I have to disagree very strongly with those who say that this book is anti-leadership or that this book causes problems in churches. One of the examples used in the book is about a pastor whose congregation expected too much of him. Yes, some churches do place burdens on pastors that are too hard to bear; so this book is for wounded ministers as much as for wounded laypeople. Yes, we're guilty of expecting our pastors do do everything when God really gives ministries to every believer. Van Vonderen and Johnson warn people who read the book not to use what they have learned as a weapon, but to take action only in the proper spirit. Of course, any time someone takes action in a church, real problems will become visible. My question in every case is: are those problems caused by those speaking out, or have they been there all along and are only now being exposed? People just causing trouble need correction or should be encouraged to move on. People exposing existing problems should be heard out, and solutions to benefit the entire church must be sought. Sweeping exposed problems under the rug is not an option. This book isn't written for rabble-rousers or disgruntled church members or anyone else of that sort. It is for Christians who have been wounded by the church and who need God's healing. It is fair, it is doctrinally solid, and it gives effective counsel. There is something beneficial for everyone... leader, wounded Christian, or loved ones of people in either group.
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60 of 64 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Real Relationship with God, March 31, 2001
This book was the best book I've read on spiritual abuse issues. It covers all areas: from being spiritually abused, why things go wrong in the churches today, how to recognize an abusive system, to recovering and returning to a right relationship with God, one of faith, hope, love, and grace. These are the things that build a relationship, and create change in our lives. It's not about rules, regulations, being obedient to leaders, and having people tell you their perception and belief of God's will for your life. That's why God gave us His Word, and we are to grow in a relationship with Him. He will do the work in us , we could not do ourselves. This book was the key to helping our family get our lives back together after having experienced abuse in a church. It not only validated us, but it is packed full of scriptures to search the truth out for yourself, to really look at what the Bible is saying, to whom, why, and to see Jesus's true character, and heart of God's Word. What a blessing! I noticed a person was sort of negative in their response to this book, and spoke of how we are to submit to leaders, etc. The Bible tells us to submit to leaders who speak the truth, who operate in the "fruits of the spirit," and who love (both saints and sinners alike). How can we get to the lost, and get them saved if we are to self-righteous to reach out to them, and love them enough to meet them where they are. Self-righteousness sends people away from God, not toward him. Legalism is based on getting right with God, not how to have a relationship with Him. Even though we were spiritually abused, I don't like to hear messages that "tickle my ears" either, but the deliverance of the message, and the heart of the person sending the message must line up with God's Word, and have a character as Jesus did. God gave us feelings and emotions too, it's not always our sinful flesh. We need God to help us discern between the two. I thank God for this book, pray that God will continue to bless their work because a lot of people without resources like this may otherwise walk away from the Lord, after having experienced such a tramatic experience as spiritual abuse. The book is full of insight, not only of abuse issues, but what's gone wrong in churches today. The only thing that the church can really offer anyone that the world can't is "God's love and grace." As Christians, that's our responsibility! That's what will change people, the world, and cause us to love God and want to serve Him.
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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
One of the best of it's kind, February 24, 2000
Full disclosure is probably necessary at this point: I not only attend the church where the author (David) preaches, I work for him, too. I can attest to his personal integrity and his commitment to proper, evangelical Biblical exegesis. This book is one of the top two or three on the topic, and I highly recommend it to others. It's insightful, timely, and has plenty of examples to help "shine the light" on bad situations. I know it's effective, too: we receive hundreds of messages every year from those who have read the book and now feel liberated to love God again. In no way does the book encourge parishoners to villify their pastors, or go looking for occasions to "feel abused." It does, however, help expose an all-too-frequent phenomena of pastors who, in the name of God, abuse their authority to achieve their own destructive desires. God Bless!
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